Peas & Carrots

Author on Author Interview: lola-pops interviews Rochelle Allison, author of Starry Eyed Inside

2011-04-01T17:55:00.001-04:00

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1723736/Rochelle_Allison

1. Your current WIP, Starry Eyed Inside, is one of my favorite fics, but you’re quite prolific and have many that you’ve completed. Which was your favorite to write, and why?

It would be a toss up between SEI and Volition. I guess those were the two stories I put the most effort, time and energy into, and as a result I’m pretty attached to the characters. I was alwasy dreaming of scenes for each of those fics.

2. You and I have definitely connected through music. How much does music influence what you write?

I used to make up music videos in my head when I’d hear songs. :) So i guess I’ve always put stories to music. Music is so universal, so it’s fun to connect with other people through it. That said, while plenty of songs might inspire me, I don’t listen to it while writing because it’s distracting.

3. Since we’re talking music (and I realize this is a totally impossible question) what’s your all-time favorite go-to album?

Impossible is right. Top 5? Okay. (in no order)
1. Bob Marley ‘Songs of Freedom’ (ha, i cheated! box set!)
2. Dave Matthews - Live at Red Rocks
3. Outkast - Atliens
4. John Mayer - Continuum
5. Miles Davis - Kind of Blue

*it should be noted that i am always in the mood for anything by any of these artists. i have listened to #41 by DMB every few days since i was 15. it never gets old.

4. How much of Starry Eyed Inside was pulled from your life experience? Please know that my fingers are crossed that it is ALL OF IT. ;)

Bits and pieces. The lifestyle presented in the beginning, especially, is pretty reminiscent of my teen years (in St. Croix; not Florida). Certain characters (Edward, Jake, Alice) are modeled after real people and certain moments are real.

5. I want to know about your writing process. When you sit down to write, are there things that you need to have close by? Do you set a mood?

I don’t need anything except for a comfortable place to sit and maybe something to drink. I used to think it helped to have a beer or glass of wine, but then I got pregnant and realized that was bull. ;)

6. Do you use an outline, or do you fly by the seat of your pants?

Fly by the seat of my pants. Although, I usually have very specific ideas about the arc of the story and the important points/character development. SEI is actually the only story I’ve written where I did have a rough draft from a couple of years back.

7. You recently completed Sessions. How would you describe it to someone who hasn’t started reading yet?

Brain vacation; mushy and sweet and romantic. Sometimes, when you find the right person, there’s no drama. It’s possible.

8. What’s your favorite thing about writing fic, and about being part of the Twilight fandom?

I love writing fic because I have an inherent need to write and it feeds that. I love getting feedback from readers and sharing stories with them. Often they share with me, too. i love the sense of community the fandom provides. It’s like a giant bookclub, but with added benefits. We all have so many things in common.

Fun Questions:

Favorite kind of meat?
salmon. and bacon!

DVD case in your house that should be falling apart from so much use?
the Matrix

Sunrise or sunset?
sunrise. it’s more rare because we usually sleep through it.

Cocktail of choice?
pina coladas.

Peas or carrots?
peas!

PSA for writers and betas: WORDS on WORDS - a quick lesson for writers and betas

2011-01-30T15:08:00.057-05:00

One of my favorite and most valued books is one called "Words on Words: A Dictionary for Writers and Others Who Care About Words" By John B. Bremner. It was a required book when I was in college, studying Journalism. It was part of my Etymology course. I will post a few highlights here for writers who don't know where to find hard and fast rules for certain things. Read it and apply it to your writing. your betas and readers will appreciate you for it.
ADDED
As a verb of attribution, added is not a synonym for said. Try to restrict the use of added to something mentioned incidentally, an afterthought, not part of the running them of a story or discourse.....Above all, abandon the tiresome sequence of said, continued, added. Some beginning writers, and some hacks, think attribution calls for said first, continued second, added third, to be repeated in that order throughout a story, with an occasional explained, down to a triumphant concluded.ADJECTIVE/ADVERB
To learn the difference between an adjective and an adverb is perhaps too much to expect of those whose gods are jocks and whose oracles sports announcers. If "he throws the ball real good" is really good enough for coaches and sportscasters, the message comes through really well enough for the fans, but surely not for reporters and copy editors. Real is an adjective; really is an adverb.
Adjectives qualify nouns ("an old tree") and pronouns ("He is old"). Adverbs modify verbs ("She drives skillfully"), adjectives ("Her driving is really skillfull") and other adverbs ("She drives extremely well").
AFFECT/EFFECT
The distinction between these words is a stumbling block for many writers. It shouldn't be. To affect is to influence to bring about a change in ("Too much liquor affects your health"). To effect is to produce, to make happen ("Too much liquor effected his downfall").
Effect is also a noun ("Too much liquor has a bad effect on you").
Affect is a noun only in psychological terminology, meaning a feeling or emotion.
ALL RIGHT
Two words; not alright, which is not all right, not at all right.
ALL TOGETHER/ALTOGETHER
When the meaning is "everybody at one time or in one place," the term is all together, as in "Now, all together, on the downbeat" or "We were all together for Christmas." When the meaning is "completely or all told," the term is altogether, as in "It is altogether fitting that we should dedicate this field" or "The Bobcats made only three first down altogether" (they made three, all told, not at the same time).
A LOT
Two words, dammit. Pardon the anger, but years of seeing alot in the copy of both students and professionals would unbalance the equanimity of much milder men.
ALTAR/ALTER
Note the spellings ("If you take a matrimonial trip to the altar, your life will be altered").
AMORAL/IMMORAL/UNMORAL
You are amoral or unmoral if you have no moral code. You are immoral if you act against your moral code.
ANXIOUS/EAGER
Though these words sometimes overlap (you can be anxious about going somewhere, yet eager to go), use anxious to connote worry or apprehension, eager to connote desire or enthusiasm. The roots indicated the distinction: anxious is from Latin angere, to cause pain, to choke; eager is from acer, sharp, keen.
ANYBODY/ANYONE
Each is singular: "Anybody (anyone) is allowed to express his (not their) opinion." Anyone, as one word, refers to persons in general; any one, as two words, refers to one person or thing in a specific group. for example, "Anyone can choose any one of the applicants (options)." Anybody, as one word, refers only to persons; any body, as two words, refers to corporate or corporeal body. For example, "Anybody can join any body of volunteers to search the river for any body." The same principles apply to somebody and someone.
ANY MORE
Two words. Note that any more can't literately be used in a positive statement, such as the provincialism "Annie lives her any more." Use any more in a negative statement ("Annie doesn't live here any more") or in a statement with a negative implication ("Annie rarely lives here any more") or in a question ("Does Annie live here any more?").
ASSUME/PRESUME
In the sense of "take for granted," the words are almost interchangeable. Shaw gives this fine distinction: to assume is "to infer without proof"; to presume is "to infer as true without actual proof to the contrary." One assumes something for the sake of argument. One presumes that night will fall.AVENGE/REVENGEAvenge is a verb; its noun is vengeance. Revenge is both verb and noun. Their meanings depend on the point of view of the person avenging or revenging.Avenge connotes the achieving of justice ("I'll avenge the slaying of my daughter by tracking down her killer and bringing him to the bar of justice"). Revenge connotes the achieving of personal satisfaction ("I'll revenge that parking ticket by putting sand in that cop's gas tank"). Someone seeking vengeance is trying to vindicate. Someone seeking revenge is being vindictive.
BELIEVE/FEEL/THINK
The thinking wordsmith will not use these words interchangeably. One believes with the heart, the soul, faith. One feels with the senses, the emotions. One thinks with the mind, intellect, reason.You believe in God, you believe in the hereafter, you believe in her, you believe that she won't let you down. Not: I don't believe we've met before (I don't think we have).You feel hungry, you feel nauseated, you feel a song coming on, you feel sorry for him, you feel he can't be trusted. Not: He feels that the speed limit should be enforced (He thinks it should be).
BLOND/BLONDEAs an adjective, blond may be used of both sexes. As an adjective, blonde is feminine. As nouns, blond is masculine and blonde is femine.
BRAVERY/COURAGE Bravery is an innate quality. Courage is the quality you hope to have when put to the test. For courage, you need fear. And negatively you hope to have the courage not to do something. Veteran soldiers show their bravery in battle. Little children show their courage in the dentist's chair.
CALLOUS/CALLUS
Both words come from Latin callus, hard skin. Callus, a noun and intransitive verb, has the physical sense of "hard skin," "to form hard skin." Callous, adjective and verb (transitive and intransitive), has the additional figurative sense of "hardened in feeling, insensitive," "to make (become) hardened, insensitive." Careless about his calluses, a callous man will stay callused.
CAN/MAY
The words are not interchangeable in the context of possibility. "He can go" means it's physically possible for him to go. "He may go" means there's a chance he will go.Note: A lesson I learned in school has always stuck with me:Student: "Can I go to the bathroom?"Teacher: "I don't know. Can you?"Student: "May I go to the bathroom?"Teacher: "Yes, you may."
CAPITAL/CAPITOL
In the capital city, the building where the legislature meets is the capitol, sometimes capitalized as the Capitol in Washington, D.C., where the Congress meets.
CHORD/CORD
The musical term is chord. Those folds in the larynx that vibrate with breath to produce sound are vocal cords. An emotional response strikes a chord. A part of the central nervous system is the spinal cord.
CINCINNATI
Note the spelling.
COMMA The punctuation mark comma (,) derives from Greek koptein, to cut off. A comma cuts off a word or a phrase or a clause from another to avoid collision, to prevent ambiguity, to set off words or phrases in apposition, to list or enumerate (as in this sentence), to introduce complete quotes, to indicate a pause or change of tone in speech and to achieve various other ends of smoothness and clarity.
COMPLEMENT/COMPLIMENT
Note the spellings. Compliment rarely is misspelled. Complement often is. To complement is to fill, make whole, supply a lack, bring to perfection. To compliment is to praise, congratulate, approve.
EACH AND EVERY
Redundant.
EACH OTHER/ONE ANOTHER
If two persons are having a conversation, each is talking to the other, they are talking to each other. if three persons are having a conversation, each is talking to one and to another one; they are talking to one another...acceptance of one another for only two than for the acceptance of each other for more than two.
EMINENT/IMMINENT
Eminent - promiseImminent - threaten"A tornado is eminent," the TV announcer intoned. A tornado does indeed come from on high, but it threatens when it comes low. Eminent and imminent have the same Latin root but different prefixes and different meanings eminent from eminere, to project out, be prominent; imminent from imminere, to project toward, threaten.
EMPATHY/SYMPATHY
Empathy - stronger. Suffering in.Sympathy - Suffering with.The words have the same Greek root but different prefixes and different meanings: empathy from empatheia, suffering in; sympathy from sympatheia, suffering with. Empathy is stronger and more personal than sympathy. Empathy involves vicarious identification and extends beyond feelings of pity or commiseration to an understanding of the very soul of another.
ENVY/JEALOUSY
Envy is stronger than jealousy and embraces coveting, as can be glimpsed from the derivations of the words: envy from Latin invidere, to look at with malice; jealousy from Latin zelus, zeal, emulation.
EPILOGUE/PROLOGUE
From Greek epi + legein, to say something besides (what has been said), an epilogue is a short poem or speech addressed to an audience at the end of a play, or a postscript to a literary work. From Greek pro + legein, to say something before, a prologue is an introduction to a play, or a preface to a literary work.
FEASIBLE/POSSIBLE
What is feasible is possible: what can be done can happen. But what is possible is not necessarily feasible: some things that can happen can't be done. A plan to ban automobiles downtown is feasible (or possible). A drought next summer is possible; but a drought can't be feasible.
FULFILLEither fulfill or fulfil, but not fullfill or fullfil. Never "full" at the beginning.
GRAY/GREYAmericans tend to prefer gray, Britons grey. And there are those who think gray has a darker shade than grey because to them a seems darker than e. Perhaps a better case could be made for choice by appearances in context, as in gray day, grey eyes. As for the dog, the spelling is greyhound, the origin of the first syllable of which is uncertain, but is certainly not connected with color.
IMPLY/INFERTo imply is to suggest, to hint, to state indirectly. To infer is to draw a conclusion, to derive by reasoning, to deduce. Example: "When I said you were hard to live with, I wasn't implying that I didn't love you, and you shouldn't have inferred that I was contemplating divorce." Bernstein aptly illustrates the distinction: "The implier is the pitcher; the inferrer is the catcher."
ITS/IT'S Misuse if its and it's is possibly the most sickening example of literary ignorance. The roots of the confusion should have been extirpated shortly after kindergarten. Yet the misuse is common among college students and even college graduates. Optimistically but unrealistically, let it be said once and for all that its, without apostrophe, is the possessive form of it, as in "A college diploma is losing its original significance," whereas it's, with apostrophe, is a contraction of it is, as in "It's sad to see illiterate college students."
LAY/LIE The verbs are commonly misused, as in: "I was told to lay down for an hour every afternoon"; "I lay down whenever I have a headache"; I was laying down when the phone rang"; "I laid down and watched television." Some of the confusion exists because the present tense lay is also the past tense of lie. No confusion should exist if one understands the difference between a transitive verb and an intransitive verb.
PEOPLE/PERSONS
Use persons for a small or exact (note or) number, otherwise people. Thus: "Fifteen persons attended the meeting"; There were 329 persons polled." And: "The show attracted 2,000 people"; "About 100 people showed up."But how small is small? AP says persons "usually is used" for "a relatively small number of people who can be counted." Well, how small is relatively small? And relative to what? Probably a good guide for this distinction is to consider a number below 50 to be small.
PRINCIPAL/PRINCIPLE The spellings are often confused. Principal is both adjective and noun. Principle is a noun. As an adjective, principal means chief, leading, main, most important; as a noun, it means chief figure, leader, person in charge and, financially, the capital sum on which interest is paid. A principle is a fundamental law or truth, a standard, a rule of action.
QUID PRO QUO
Straight Latin for "something for something."
REIGN/REINNote the different spellings, as in "Henry VIII gave free rein to his appetites during his reign."
RUN-ON SENTENCE
A false sentence in which a comma is used instead of a period is a run-on sentence, sometimes called a comma splice, such as "She missed class, afterwards she apologized." Perhaps the most common form of the error occurs with adverbs mistakenly used as conjunctions, such as however, as in "She missed class, however she apologized afterwards." make it: "She missed class. However, she apologized afterwards."
SEW/SOW
Use sew for stitching and sow for seeding.
STATIONARY/STATIONERY
Standing still is stationary. Writing material is stationery.
THAT/WHICH/WHO
Wheras the relative pronoun that may refer to persons, animals or things, the relative pronoun which refers only to animals and things, and the relative pronoun who refers only to persons.For the choice between that and who for persons, Fowler suggests who for a particular person or persons, as in "The man (men) who came to dinner came on time," and that for a generic person or type, as in "A man (anyone) that is invited for dinner should come on time."
TOWARD/TOWARDS
Most authorities consider toward American and towards British. But a case can be made for towards in American usage when the following word begins with a vowel sound. There is sibilant smoothness in "towards evening."
WHISKEY/WHISKY
The old style was whiskey for U.S. liquor and whisky for imported. But AP now says whiskey for all, unless Scotch and whiskey are used together. Whiskeys is the plural of whiskey, and whiskies is the plural of whisky. The word comes from Irish uisce beathadh, water of life, a convivial derivation whatever the spelling.
WHOSE
Don't confuse whose, the possessive relative pronoun, with who's, the contraction of who is or who has.

Author on Author Interview - Nerac, author of I Never Knew interviews lola-pops, author of We Were Here

2011-01-18T13:06:00.000-05:00

If you’re not already familiar with lola-pops, author of the now-completed Summer of Salt, you’re missing out. Her new story, We Were Here is already shaping up to become a favorite across the fandom after only four chapters. I got a chance to pick her brain recently about this exciting new tale, here’s what she had to say!

We Were Here by lola-pops
FFN Summary: Upon waking, there's a brief, blissful period in which you don't yet recall the sins of the night before, but eventually, you have to open your eyes. I'm Bella Swan, seventeen years old, cheerleader. This morning I woke up in the wrong bed.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6562901/1/We_Were_Here

Nerac: How would you describe your story We Were Here to someone who hasn’t started reading it yet?

lola-pops: I would describe WWH as a story of undeniable, unlikely chemistry. Bella is an unhappy, popular girl, who wants something different, but doesn’t know herself well enough to know how to change. Edward isn’t exactly a loner, but he does exist outside the normal realm of high school, inside a world that is both very covert and very public, simultaneously. Most people aren’t aware of what he does outside of school, but he’s notorious in his own right, mostly because he’s so closed off that people project their assumptions onto him.

So it’s a love story that begins in high school, but I hope to take it on from a unique perspective! As with Summer of Salt, it will span time quickly in parts, so while the initial setting is critical to the development, this won’t be a full-on high school fic.

Nerac:What was your inspiration? Can you tell us how many chapters to expect?

lola-pops: I thought of the concept for this story while I was in a bathroom stall at our favorite bar. The door and walls were covered with these drunken, grandiose statements, incorrect quotes and bad grammar-- lines where people crossed out each other’s words to contradict them and so on…and in the corner there was this lone, simple little statement. “We were here”. It reminded me of something written on a school desk, or scratched into a lunch table.

So…WWH was conceived of while I was in the bathroom. At a bar. This may say more about me than I’d like it to. Ha!

But anyway, I’m looking at about 25 chapters at this point, although I’m not fantastic at sticking to an outline, so you never know!

Nerac: Is any of it taken from your own personal experience?

lola-pops: In the sense that I’m a graffiti artist, no, but it’s a community that I’m familiar with. I know people on all sides of it. Some who still tag, some who now work on legal walls, and some who have run into serious trouble because of it and are no longer part of that lifestyle. It’s a controversial subject, and my experience also extends to the complete opposite side of it. Years ago my parents owned a building that was tagged constantly, and they dealt with both fines from the city, skyrocketing insurance for the cost of replacing windows (some graf writers put muriatic acid in their markers so it etches into glass), and the upset of replacing and finding it tagged again the next morning.

So lest anyone think that I’m glorifying graffiti, that’s really not my intention. I hope to show it from a few different angles, and really examine the motivation behind it.

Nerac: Are you an outliner? Did you have it all planned out from start to finish before you began writing?

lola-pops: I wish!! I mean, I have clear ideas on some aspects of the ending, but I’m really stream of consciousness when it comes to the actual writing. I often just start putting down words and see where I end up. This is probably not the best way to do it, but outlines just don’t work for me. By the time I finish a chapter, I’ve changed everything that I was planning for the next one, and I operate on the overall feeling of it, I guess. If something doesn’t come out as true to life, I scrap it. Nothing is sacred in that regard.

Nerac: You have an amazing way with words, and a great ability for telling a story. Do you have any prior writing experience or training?

lola-pops: Thanks so much! I really don’t have experience. However, I do come from a long line of storytellers. I’ve watched some of my dad’s stories evolve over the years…how he includes some details and omits others, and how inflection or phrasing can change the entire meaning of a sentence. He taught me the power behind a single word, when it’s placed in the right spot.

That said, the man took 55 years to perfect the art, so I’ve got a long way to go!!

Nerac: I’m personally intrigued as all get out about your new boy. Will we ever get a peek into Edward’s mind?

lola-pops: Yes! Yes, we will. Very soon, in fact. I love writing his point of view. Bella is not as much of a departure for me, which isn’t to say that it isn’t a challenge to write her, but he’s…well, he’s a dude. I have a great group of guy friends, so in some ways it’s easy to get into their heads, but they have been very generous with answering super random questions as I write.

I also did a lot of typical research. I now own, like, eight books on graffiti, and I think I’ve watched every documentary on it that exists. The beauty of getting into Edward’s head is that we get to see what this looks like from his point of view, where it’s not just paint on a surface. It’s not just artistic talent. He’s been involved in a world that’s very territorial, dangerous and illegal. I’m fascinated as to what motivates someone to go this direction when they could just as easily pick up a paintbrush and take it to canvas. Turns out that it’s different for everyone, really. I’ll go into that more in later chapters.

Nerac: I’m really curious about your characterizations for some of your characters in WWH. Specifically, Edward’s role as a tagger…and of course, Jasper’s role as the apparent jerk. Alice as the unfriendly cheerleader and Bella as the popular girl gone shunned. How do you decide who will play what role in the stories you write?

lola-pops: This just sort of happens, honestly. I had the bare bones of the story laid out in my head, but as I wrote, Jasper suddenly became someone that I knew in high school, and Alice became the girl he ended up with. I wanted Bella to encompass everything that girls in high school strive to be, but also show that these things don’t make a person happy or fulfilled. We start the story just as the dense cloud of melancholy that surrounds her starts to clear, and she starts to really see things. One of the things she sees is Edward.

As for his role as a graf writer, that stems from both people I knew, and also the fact that it’s a form of art that I’m really interested in. I knew it would be challenging to portray something so visual through words and those are some of the passages that I work on the hardest. All I can hope is that I’ve been somewhat successful in that regard.

In all my writing, nothing is quite as simple as it seems in the beginning, so some of these characters that come off one-note, actually aren’t. Because is anyone, really? Even the most clichéd of individuals has duality to their lives and personalities…whether or not they embrace that is another thing altogether.

Nerac: Is there anything that your experience with writing and completing Summer of Salt taught you that you brought with you into writing this new tale? Something you think other, less experienced authors, might find useful?

lola-pops: First off, I learned how important it is to stick with your direction regardless of reviews and feedback that may make you want to go back and rewrite the whole damn thing. Each story is a journey and not all are pleasant at every turn. That said, take reviews with a grain of salt, period. Not everyone will like it! It’s literally impossible. Just do your thing and appreciate the people who do enjoy what you’re putting out there, and if someone gives you constructive criticism, consider it, keep or discard it, and keep on keepin’ on.

Second, and this kind of ties in to the first, keep a sense of humor about yourself, and all of this.

Third, the one thing that I spend the most time on is making sure that every action, every word out of a character’s mouth is true to how I see them. Nothing pulls me out of a story (including my own) faster than reading something that doesn’t ring true.

Having said all that, I have to admit that I’m flying by the seat of my pants most of the time! I’m a deeply flawed individual just like everyone else, and you have to make your own set of guidelines. To each his own! Truly.

Fun Stuff:

Nerac: If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be?

lola-pops: This may be the toughest question I’ve ever answered! I’m poring over my ipod as we speak. I’m more obsessed with music than anything else. Even fictional teenage vampires. Freals. So I’m going old-school, because it’s gotta be a classic if I’m going to listen to it forever and ever. Move On Up by Curtis Mayfield is my pick. This song makes me feel hopeful, strong and alive.

Nerac: Favorite alcoholic beverage?

lola-pops: I’m partial to a glass of pinot noir, but I’ll try just about anything once. That isn’t necessarily one of my finer qualities. Hee.

Nerac: DVD case in your house that should be falling apart from so much use?

lola-pops: Almost Famous. I quote that movie more than any other thing in the whole world. It’s a family favorite, and that’s the kind of story that I love--it completely pulls you in and makes you wish you knew these people…that you could insert yourself into the story line.

Nerac: Most embarrassing moment?

lola-pops: My life is really just a series of embarrassing moments strung together. I blush constantly. Some of my worst stories stem from my forgetfulness. Like, forgetting to zip my fly, for instance, or forgetting to check to make sure that my skirt isn’t tucked into my tights.

The one that sticks out the most, though, is at my senior prom. We were walking in a big group, and I was at the front telling the people behind me a story (of course) when I tumbled face first down a flight of stairs, landed on my stomach with my skirt over my head and everyone saw my practically naked bum. I have yet to live that down. At this very moment, I’m embarrassed all over again. :)

Nerac: Peas or carrots?

lola-pops: Carrots!! Always and forever. ;)

Author on Author Interview MOG and his lovely wife Jenn - Bella Voice and Brutte Parole

2010-12-13T16:40:00.000-05:00

Earlier this year, Morgan Locklear and his wife and beta, Jenn interviewed each other for the blog and everyone loved the interview. Well, they promised to come back for a part two just in time for Christmas and here it is.

I wrote Bella Voce for the Twilight fandom with my wife, Jennifer, as my beta. We are about to begin publishing the sequel, Brutte Parole. We interviewed each other once before for the Peas and Carrots blog and had so much fun, we agreed to a Part Two:

the wonderful blinkie is by the fabulous bettigefecht

MOG: Jennifer, are you going to anything different this time as you beta?

JENN: Bella Voce was my crash course in beta work. I only had an inkling of what to do when you began posting the story and the job was initially very daunting. Now that we've completed that fic, I've had the opportunity to work with other authors on other projects and have also learned a thing or five along the way from authors and betas in the fandom. My hope is that this experience will help Brutte Parole be an even better story than BV.
From what you've shared, it is certainly going to be a more complicated tale than Bella Voce so I know I have a challenge in front of me. Having already completed a beta on the Bella Voce epilogue and the Brutte Parole prologue and first chapter, I have been asking you more questions about the finer details. We're also working with a new pre-reader this time around and I'm sure that will provide a different dynamic in ways I have yet to understand.

What, if anything, will you change in the way you write Brutte Parole?

MOG: Almost everything about my approach will be different. Instead of pounding out a chapter in two monster days, I write a little each day. About a thousand words if I'm lucky. This, of course, is due to me getting an iPad. I don't have to bend over the computer any more, which is great. It forces me to type a little slower but I choose to see this as a blessing because, like you said, this is a more complex story. I have to take care not to lay tracks that I can't go back to, or worse yet, that lead nowhere.
Brutte Parole will push my boundaries as far as lemons, action, location and multiple story lines so I'm hoping that a new approach will support that. I was seriously worried that such a severe switch in my approach would mess up my mojo and I was about half way through the first chapter before I finally convinced myself that the change wasn't going to affect my writing.

JENN: Ever since I've known you, you have been involved in creative endeavors - acting, directing, and singing. Now that you are writing how does that compare to the other performing arts? Which of these have you enjoyed most and how does the creative process differ between them?

MOG: Good question, Babe. I think the biggest difference between writing fiction and all the other things I'm involved with is that the latter are all performing arts where writing is a very solitary (and therefore clothing optional) endeavor.
I really enjoyed operating the Foley effects for the production of "A Christmas Story" last year and I will always love creating a new song in the studio or sharing it onstage, but I found an immersion and an emotion with Bella Voce that was uniquely profound. I firmly believe that I will continue to pursue the hobby of writing but not at the breakneck pace we are about to undertake.

How are you going to keep up with the demands put on you from me and your other authors?

JENN: (shakes head but chuckles at the clothing optional comment)
Well, I've been a co-beta on Lethal to Virtue by TheBondGirls for months now. And, so far, the two projects haven't really had to compete for my time. Things have always worked out. I've also helped to beta several one shots which don't require an ongoing time commitment. There is another new fic that I've agreed to help beta but I've decided not to take on any new projects in order to have the time I'll need for Brutte Parole. I do think it is important to work with other authors and I do enjoy being a beta, but there are only so many hours in the day. Once Brutte Parole is complete, I can re-evaluate the situation and see what opportunities arise within the fandom.

Here's a question I've been asked by others but I don't think I have ever asked you about it. How do you think our relationship is affected by the writing experience? When we're in work mode does the fact that your beta is also your wife make things easier or more complicated?

MOG: Huh, I could ask you the same question. I think back to our resident manager days at college. We worked for the same company but each had tough tasks to complete. In the end we learned that we could trust each other to buckle down and get any hard job done. Being parents together is also similar to that job (in many, many ways) and we have learned to work for the same goals. Since I trust your motives as well as your instincts as a result of our relationship, then I would have to say that it helps.

What about you? Do you spare me because you love me or do you beat me with a mop handle until I cry aunt AND uncle?

JENN: I'm choosing to ignore your mop handle comment (but will keep that in mind for the future).
I think because I do know you so well I actually ask more of you as an author than I have with others I've worked with. In some respects it's unfair to you because I feel confident enough in our relationship to push certain boundaries. On the other hand, it can be unfair to the other authors I beta for because maybe I'm not quite as comfortable asking certain questions or offering certain ideas. I'm striving to find that perfect balance so I can be an effective beta no matter who I'm dealing with.

You and I are used to addressing the fact that you are a male writer in a female dominated fandom but recently someone asked me if you ever felt you are treated differently by the fandom because you are a man. What do you think?

MOG: I think I have been met with warmth and curiosity, but with a group of men it's usually okay to say you are good at something and not be perceived as arrogant, just confident. Here amongst mostly ladies I have found that some find my frankness too boastful and I regret that. I have had several comments misunderstood or taken out of context so I just have to remember to keep the same philosophy I had when I first started - Let the story speak for itself. If it's consistently compelling and intriguing as well as romantic and entertaining then I will have accomplished my goal. I guess its proof that I am not being treated very different if the drama fairy poops on me too.

Since we've spent time in New York City, is there anything you are looking forward to seeing in the new book?

JENN: Yes, definitely. There is one thing in particular I'm really excited to read about but I don't want spoil anything for the story by mentioning it here. You did such a wonderful job describing Paris in Bella Voce, I am curious to learn more about turn of the century New York City. Your NYC won't be the same city that I am familiar with so I'm interested in learning more about that.

You incorporated original music into Bella Voce. What are plans for music and Brutte Parole? And does the writing of the fic inspire the music or has music inspired the writing?

MOG: A little bit of both actually. I wrote Bella Voce around two of my existing songs and then wrote three more specifically for the story. I've written two songs for Brute Parole already and recorded one of them with Betti Gefecht.
Jasper and Alice have a duet in the future and Edward will write a song that I playfully refer to as Confessions of a Clown. It's one of the best I've written in my life but I haven't recorded it yet because I want to get two songs from Bella Voce in the can first. (Jacob's Jig and Mon Petit Chou.)

What is the most common thing you have to correct in my stories?

JENN: I can't think of anything specifically that is a consistent error on your part. I guess that I do find myself asking you to rearrange your thoughts on occasion. Sometimes a sentence shift here and there makes a huge difference in scene development or conversation.

I know you are also working a new side project. Do you have plans to write and post two stories at once?

MOG: Ah, yes. I will most likely do just that. The Blurry Adventures of Blindward will make its debut soon, maybe even before the January 1st launch of Brutte Parole. I have lots of ideas for this story (with your help) and it will be a fun collection of semi-autobiographical stories (except that I get to look like Edward.)
I think that they will have no consistent posting schedule but that I will have several episodes out by the time we wrap up the new story.

You act as my promoter as well as a beta. I know that you take that part of your job very seriously but what do you see as the most vital aspect of your contribution to our fandom partnership? It is the advice and editing of the story itself or the social networking that accompanies it?

JENN: Honestly, I've never viewed the social aspect of the fandom as networking. I have really enjoyed getting to know so many people this past year and have a lot of fun interacting with everyone online. We have a common interest, after all, so I find it much easier to chat openly with people within the fandom than I do in real life.
The beta aspect is what I consider to be true work. It's a commitment that takes me away from reading updates and chatting on twitter or the threads. I seem to remember a time (or two) when I’ve gotten in trouble with the boss for "goofing off" when I was supposed to be in beta mode.

Now that people know about you and your story do you think you will feel more pressure writing Brutte Parole than you did with Bella Voce? Or do you think introducing yourself to the fandom and drawing an audience was a more difficult thing to achieve?

MOG: Good question. I think getting readers is harder than keeping them so I would have to say that my introduction was more difficult. I feel pressure in the sense that I have a deadline to meet every Saturday but not the pressure to perform. I already know this book will be better than the last because it's my second one and (presumably) I know what I'm doing this time. For instance, this story actually has an outline.

You published a guest review for IndieFicPimp recently and it was a well thought out and crafted recommendation...Are you suuuuuuuuuure you don't want to write a story?

JENN: Never say never but right now I'm perfectly happy with being a beta. And I'd like to be able to read more. That's one of the big reasons why I joined the blog as a reviewer. There is so much talent within the fandom and I know I have barely scratched the surface there. I'm always happy to be swept away by someone else's story.

If I did decide to write, would you be my beta? Is that something that interests you?

MOG: For you? Of course, but I'd make a lousy beta. I've done a couple of pre-reads and right now I'm judging the final ten entries in the Cherry Exchange contest. I'm enjoying myself but will have to really focus on the marathon ahead for us. We have 30 weeks of posting in 2011 and I write longer chapters now.

JENN: Ok. I'll keep you in mind as a pre-reader then. *smiles*

MOG: What is your preferred chapter length? Do you like a nice long experience or are you into the fic quickie?

JENN: I don't think I could state a universal number for chapter lengths. If I love a particular story, I'm always disappointed when I reach the end of the update. Other times, even though I'm enjoying a certain story, I'm perfectly ok with shorter chapter lengths. There's really no good way for me to answer that. It's very subjective.

Are you ready for the marathon? Have you missed the fandom in your time off?

MOG: Oh yes, there are lots of friends on Twitter, of course, but there are so many that I only know through FF reviews. I like to reply and strike up conversations so I have made some good friends there.
As to the marathon, I wanted to be two chapters further ahead by now and have the 'back book' already done, but I'm having more fun than ever so I'm not worried about it.
January 1st can't get here soon enough.

******
Many thanks to the Peas and Carrots blog for posting the interview.
Be sure to check out both Bella Voce and Brutte Parole, two turn of the century vampire stories with love, laughs and lemons.
The epilogue of Bella Voce and the prologue and first chapter of Brutte Parole will post on FanFiction on New Year’s Day 2011.

Author on Author interview: Belladonna1472 interviews Nerac, author of I Never Knew

2010-12-06T19:43:00.001-05:00

Introduction: Only four chapters in, Nerac's new fic I Never Knew is already proving itself to be a must-read. It's well-written, original, and filled with the type of intrigue that leaves you wanting more. If you haven't already started this drama/romance, I highly recommend that you do! Here's my interview with Nerac herself!

FFN Summary: After a phone call from a stranger turns her life upside down, Isabella Dwyer realizes that the people you trust the most sometimes tell the biggest lies. Can she convince a man in uniform to help her discover the things she never knew? AH.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6465577/1/I_Never_Knew

Interview Questions:

How would you describe I Never Knew to someone who hasn't started reading it yet?

Oh goodness, you start with the hard ones, don't you?! LOL! It's been so hard to describe because if you're not already reading it, I don't want to give anything away that I planned to be a surprise... So I'll just say this:

Beginning with one pretty significant event that changes everything she thought she knew, INK is the story of a semi-young girl discovering her life. Herself. Finding her way, and experiencing the bumps that come up along the way.

Where did the idea for the story come from? How long did it take you to conceptualize?

Believe it or not, INK was literally one of those naked-in-the-shower plot bunnies that came to me one morning (come on, we all have those, right?), and wouldn't get out of my head. I wanted to explore the possibilities of a Bella who had no ties to the characters we're so used to her being bound to in stories we read. And the premise itself seemed like a promising choice. I don't quite know where some things come from, but this one just seemed too good to pass up. It was something I'd never read or heard of being done before, and those kinds of explorations are always fun.

The outline itself is still molding and changing as I continue to write and continue getting to know this Bella better. There are things that started out as part of the story that aren't even part of the plan anymore. It grows and changes every day. Though I have a loose plan for how I want things to happen, the details themselves are still developing. And I'm sure it will continue to do so, because I'm horribly wishy-washy and change my mind far too often than is good for me.

Bella has to deal with the possibility that her parents lied to her about who her birth father really is. What has reader reaction been like so far when it comes to Bella's situation?

The reactions, for the most part, have been amazing. I am so humbled by the response to the story after only three chapters...

A few don't like her – they believe she's too confused and controlling – which brings out my inner mama bear to the extreme. But this is the point. Characters need to start somewhere so they can develop into something better. As I told a few readers, we can't all start perfect, sometimes you have to climb a little to get to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. And in the journey, sometimes we fall, more than once, and have to find out how to pick ourselves up and make it to the end. This story is literally Bella's journey to the gold.

There are many more readers, however, who are sympathetic to her situation. They're supportive, and they want Renee in front of a firing squad. Which I love. She is the intended villain here...for the most part. (I'll let you all wonder about that one, hehe)

Most are curious about the connections she's made so far, and how they'll play into the Bella's future. And those things will all be revealed in time...

Can you tell us a little bit about what we can expect from Edward - or should I say Copward - in upcoming chapters?

Edward is in a tough situation, and at the point when this interview posts, I believe it'll be safe to say you'll all understand exactly why. Most of you have put the pieces together that Edward is connected to Charlie in an unconventional way, though Bella is a little slow on the realization there.

Once she figures it out, and realizes that he's literally the only connection she believes she has left to the father she never knew, she has to explore that. One of the largest steps she'll take in her discovery is asking for his help. It won't be easy, for either of them... but what they find in the process, I hope you all love as much as I do.

We get to learn about Charles Swan at the same time Bella does. There's a lot for her to process. How do you get into her frame of mind when writing?

I'm not sure, I just... close my eyes, and try to imagine how that would make her feel. How that would make her react, and then I put it on screen with my fingers. I've been working on the story since the beginning of October, and her character and behavior has developed quite a bit since then. Once I figured out who she was, and what she needed, it was easier for me to portray the way she would react to situations. I learn something new about her every day.

This story is in present tense, BPOV. I must say you execute this POV very well. What informed your decision to write in present tense, and how are you finding it so far?

To be honest, present tense used to confuse the hell out of me, lol. I'm not sure what convinced me to choose that for this one, it just felt right. Everything is happening to Bella in the moment, and it felt to me like the excitement and fear of all the things she has yet to face would be much more powerful this way.

The first time I wrote in present, I was so lost and confused... my poor beta. Nicki deals with everything I throw at her, and she's been so helpful in putting up with my learning how to do this so it flows and doesn't feel broken or wrong. A lot of times, I write a chapter, and then I go back and re-write it, I change things up so it feels seamless in my head. There's still a lot of red-penning that goes into it after the fact. It's been about eight weeks since I started writing the story and it gets easier every time. I suppose it's like this with every POV or tense, it takes a little bit for you to get into it, but once you find your comfort zone...

I really like the fact that Edward and Charles knew each other in this capacity - it's a refreshing change for these two to have the history, as opposed to one or both of them having history with Bella. Do you find it intimidating to construct this bond?

No. Not really. I do find it nerve-wracking, that people will find the connection squicky, or wrong. That they'll believe on principal that what I have planned shouldn't be because of those connections I've created. But, I do hope that they'll stick with me until they know the reasons behind certain things and that their understanding will change their perceptions of what, in some cases, may be considered wrong.

There's the capacity for great fallout over Charles' decision to list Bella as his next of kin. Do you think we'll always agree with how Bella handles the effect of the will? And how she deals with certain people?

I can never tell when people will agree or disagree with my decisions for certain things. But I'm always hopeful that they will hang in there long enough to give both me, and the characters, the benefit of the doubt.

The supporting characters in this story are important too. How would you describe characters like Rosalie and Sue?

I'll tell you the truth, the most important supporting character is Edward. Rose, Sue, the others, they don't play much into the end-game of this story.

Can you give us any hints as to what kind of romance E and B are in store for? (Slow-burn? Torrid? Romantic? Reluctant? Long-distance?)

I totally cheated and asked one of my pre-readers, and ltlerthqak says: “It's reluctantly slow, yet amazingly hot, but that's just her opinion.” Of course, she's seen things you all haven't... heehee.

What has been like working with your betas and pre-readers for this story? Does a lot change from first draft to finished product?

I love them, seriously. Love them. bellamarie117, cosmogirl7481, ltlerthqak and nicnicd are my support system, and without their colorful sprinkles full of giggles in my documents, I don't know where I'd be. They read my first draft, of the very first chapter, and encouraged me to continue.

Now, they continue to read my first drafts (poor girls) and give me their honesty, which I can honestly say – is priceless. With a few h00r moans thrown in for good measure, I can go back to the figurative drawing board to add, adjust and edit. Then I send the final draft to Nicki to work her magic before it posts.

When I say I couldn't do this without them, I mean it literally. They really do keep me going and without there help, I have no doubt this story wouldn't be what it's become.

You're quite involved in the fandom! How do you find all the time?

Gosh, I don't even know... I spend way more time on my computer than is probably healthy. I spend much too much time doing fandom related things when I should be working. I have no kids (unless you count the furbabies)... and all of my family lives in California. My husband used to travel for work pretty often, so this kind of became my 'something to do' when I was alone. Now I just squeeze it in when I can. I'll admit my activity as of late has gone down immensely, I don't read nearly as much as I used to (in favor of writing). A lot of the stories I pre-read/beta'd for have completed in the past months (at one point I was up to eleven!). And I try spend my weekends away from the computer if at all possible in favor of doing other things or just relaxing with my hubs on the couch.

What advice would you give to someone who's thinking about writing fan fiction?

Go for it. The biggest step is getting your stuff out there and accepting that you'll be judged by others. But once it's done, the reward is worth it. The people you'll meet and the friends you'll make in the process are something you'll never be able to regret.

Fun Stuff:

Most memorable lie you've had to tell?

Uhm... I don't know, lol. I don't know if it would be considered a lie, but I did keep my engagement to my husband a secret from my parents for several years. In fact, they didn't find out until I was in the hospital and one of the nurses referred to DK as my 'fiancee.'

Worst lie you've ever heard?

Hmm... nothing is coming to mind.

Favorite Twilight book of the series?

Hands down, Eclipse. :)

Three things you'd take to a deserted island?

A notebook, a pencil and my husband.

What did your prom dress look like?

I didn't go to prom... by boyfriend was a douche. See question #8 for proof. :P

Longest road trip?

When I was fourteen, I road-tripped with my best friend and her family from Northern Cali to Southern, we spent about two weeks on the road in a mobile home. We spent time at Disneyland, visited Phoenix and the Grand Canyon, stopped off in Laughlin (right outside Vegas) and got sunburned to a crisp. After that trip, I vowed I'd never go on another one, lol.

Favorite candy?

Sweet stuff, like Spree's are definitely my go-to. But who doesn't love a little bit of chocolate?

Most interesting experience with a cop?

Umm... Oh gosh, I can't believe I'm admitting to this. But, I maybe-kinda-sorta lost my virginity in the back of a car. In the middle? A police officer knocked on the window and interrupted us. With a big, bright white flashlight on our bare asses. He made us get dressed and leave. Mortified doesn't begin to cover that feeling...

The sad part is we got caught by the same cop.... two more times. After that, we found a new place to do it.

Favorite TV show?

The Vampire Diaries right now. But I'm also a big fan of Fringe, Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl and Private Practice.

Peas or carrots?

If I had to choose, I'd say carrots. But only raw ones, dipped in ranch. ;)

I want to thank Belladonna1472 and Nerac so much for this wonderful interview and I can't wait to see who Nerac interviews.

Love Waits

2010-12-01T23:44:00.000-05:00

"Do you remember when I gave this to you?" I asked Jasper, twirling the ring he wore on a chain around his neck between my fingers.

"How could I ever forget?" he smiled, taking my hand in his, pressing it to his chest while I snuggled closer in his arms. It was the weekend, which meant no need to leave our bed to go to Forks High School and pretend to be adopted siblings. No, it was Saturday and here in our bed, in our house, we were Alice and Jasper, husband and wife.

I snuggled my head into his neck and he placed a soft kiss on my forehead, both of us enjoying post-coital bliss.

For twenty-eight years I walked alone as a vampire, guided only by my visions of Carlisle and his family and of Jasper. I knew nothing of my past but my future was certain and that future was as Jasper's mate for eternity. When he walked into the Melrose Diner in Philadelphia almost sixty years ago it was everything I could do not to pounce on him right there out of pure joy that he had finally found me. However, I knew his life was very different from the one I saw in our future and I knew he would be confused and prepared to fight. I had to remain calm, to convince him as much as I was convinced that we belonged together.

"From the moment I woke into my new life I saw you," I said with a sigh of contentment as he pulled me closer against him. "But in Philadelphia, when I could feel that you were close I just had to get the ring."

Two days before Jasper walked into that diner I knew it was certain that he would be there so I headed to Sansom Street, carefully negotiating the brick paved street in my high heels. As I was walking down the street, I saw a sign hanging in front of a door that said 'Sydney Rosen Jewelers'. I skipped to that side of the street and opened the door, going up a narrow staircase where the jeweler had a small office and showcase. The moment I lay eyes on the white gold wedding band I knew I had to have it.

'I'll take that one, please," I told him as I removed my white gloves and pointed to it through the glass case. "And I would like to have 'Love Waits' engraved on the outside of the band."

"Are you sure you don't need time to think about ma'am?" he questioned me, eying me from behind glasses that held his jeweler's magnifier.

"I'm positive," I smiled as he opened the case and pulled it for me to inspect. "Can you do it while I wait?"

"Of course," she answered, moving to a worktable with a bright light and engraver.

"Love waits," he whispered against my ear. "You waited for me."

"You were worth the wait," I whispered back, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

1948, Philadelphia

It was time. July 14th was the day Jasper Whitlock would walk into my world. I looked through the wardrobe in my room at the Bellevue-Stratford Hotel and laid a couple of outfits out on the bed. I was trying to decide between the green linen skirt with a matching jacket top or a simple white dress with an empire waist.

I decided on the green. It was a smart outfit and the white just clashed with my skin. Besides, it was a rainy day in the city and white was probably not the best choice. The green dress had a matching hat as well which was perfect for a rainy day.

I buttoned the two over sized buttons on the top and looked in the mirror, smoothing out my skirt and twirling. It was the perfect outfit. He would love it. All I had to do was finish it off. I picked up a pair of black patent leather shoes and matching handbag and slipped on white linen gloves. A lady always covered her hands. One more peek in the mirror and I knew it was time to go meet my destiny.

"Can I hail a cab for you ma'am?" The doorman asked as I stepped out the doors to the sidewalk in front of 'Philadelpia's Hotel'. I had been there for a couple of weeks, choosing it because it was a glorious hotel with Tiffany lamps and lights designed by Thomas Edison, magnificent iron staircases and a glorious ballroom. However, I didn't really get to spend time in the Ballroom. The Democratic National Convention was in town and that room was packed with men. Women weren't exactly welcomed to attend such an 'important' gathering. It didn't matter to me though. I could have cared less about politics. All I cared about was Jasper. The rest of the world didn't exist to me.

"Yes, please," I answered, opening my umbrella. "I'm headed to the Melrose Diner."

The doorman stepped to the curb and a cab was there almost immediately, splashing water form a puddle onto the sidewalk. The doorman stepped back just in time to avoid it.

"Be safe ma'am," the doorman said as he opened the cab door for me before telling the driver where to go.

It was a short cab ride before I saw the neon lights reflecting off the chrome exterior of the Melrose Diner. I was so nervous to finally see Jasper in person but I had to calm down. I didn't want to scare him away.

I walked in to the diner and took a seat at counter, ordering a cup of coffee and a BLT sandwich. It was easy enough to pick apart and slip into my handbag so they thought I was eating. After all, who walks into a diner and doesn't eat?

I was scanning the newspaper when I heard the door chime go off. I turned to see the man of my dreams, my visions, enter.

I watched as Jasper, soaking wet from head to toe, walked to a booth in the corner of the diner. He ordered a coffee and kept an eye on me the entire time. He smelled me the moment I walked in, as I did him. There was confusion and anxiety in his eyes. I continued to remain calm. I needed him to know I was not a threat like the other vampires he had known. I was the love of his life.

I slipped my gloves into my handbag, picked up the bag and my hat, and made my way to him.

As I got close to him, he stood up to greet me but there was trepidation in his eyes.

"You've kept me waiting a long time," I said, smiling. His eyes were pitch-black and I knew he was hungry. He had no idea there was a different way to exist, without human blood so I was certain it was difficult for him inside a diner full of them.

He looked at me with his eyes lowered. "I'm sorry ma'am."

I held out my hand and he took it easily, as if he knew my hand belonged in his. When I felt his skin touch mine, I knew my future, our future, had begun.

"Love waits," I smiled. He smiled as well but I could tell he was confused by everything that was happening. However, his fear had subsided somewhat. He seemed to know I meant him no harm.

"Is there…is there somewhere we can go, to talk?" he asked in a slow southern drawl that made me weak in the knees.

I squeezed his hand to offer him further comfort and reassurance. "Yes there is," I said softly. "I have a hotel room nearby. We can walk."

"But what about the rain?" he asked, opening the front door of the diner for us to leave.

"I have an umbrella," I smiled, reaching for it from the dry spot next to the door I had left it when I came in. "I'll share."

I hooked my arm through Jasper's and we walked hand in hand while he held the umbrella over us until we arrived back at the hotel.

Men in three-piece suits were pouring in and out of the hotel and the bars that surrounded it. Having so many humans so close had to be very trying for Jasper but I wasn't worried.

"There are so many…people," he said hesitantly.

"It's okay," I re-assured him. "You won't hurt them."

"My manners have failed me," he apologized. "I'm Jasper Whitlock."

I giggled. "I know that. I have seen you coming for twenty-eight years."

"Seen me coming?" he asked as we entered the grand lobby of the hotel, his eyes scanning the crowds.

"I have…'visions'…of the future and from the day I woke up into this world, I saw you with me," I explained. "By the way, I'm Alice."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Alice," he smiled, drawing out his words like pulled taffy.

"What floor?" the lift-man asked as the elevator doors opened.

"Nine please," I said as we were stepping into the elevator.

Jasper swallowed deep, surely very aware of the human blood pulsing through the lift-man's body. Dinner was so close, yet so far away from him. I knew I would have to take him hunting soon.

The doors opened to our floor and I slipped a dollar bill to the man as a tip.

"Have a nice day," he offered as Jasper and I stepped off the elevator and turned towards my room.

I turned my key into the lock of room 914 and opened the door for Jasper who placed his hand against it to hold it open, motioning for me to go first.

"Thank you," I said.

I went straight to the vanity and unpinned my hat, laying it and my gloves on top of the chest of drawers. I then stepped out of my high heels and sat down on the bed.

"I'm sure you have a million questions," I gushed, anxious to find out all about his past, since I had only seen the future.

"Yes, yes, I do," he grinned, pulling on his wet clothes. "But I am soaking wet and would like to get out of these clothes and hop in the shower. Is there a robe I can wear while my clothes drip dry? I don't have change with me."

"Of course you do, silly," I said, stepping off the bed and opening the bathroom door where I held out a fresh change of clothes I had purchased for him when I knew he was arriving.

"How do you do that?" he asked, scrunching his eyebrows together.

"I told you, I have visions. I knew you would need things," I shrugged.

Jasper walked towards me and took the clothes from me. "Thank you, darlin'," he smiled and I was once again weak in my knees. "When I get out of this shower I want to hear all about these visions and all about you and everything you have seen and done."

"We have an eternity to get to know each other," I smiled widely as he stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

I took my dress off, placed it back on its hanger, slipped on a white satin nightgown with thin shoulder straps, and tied a red and white polka-dot bandana around my hair to keep it in place.

I lay back on the bed, propping feather pillows up behind me. I could hear the water running and I imagined what his body looked like under the wet clothes. However, I would wait. I had to take my time and not frighten him.

His shower was very fast and he stepped from the bathroom in brand new pajama pants and a tank-t-shirt. He had scars all over him but he was still so beautiful.

He seemed conscience of my eyes on him and crossed his arms in front of his chest to hide some of the scars on his arms.

"It's okay," I said softly, reaching my hand out for him. "I won't hurt you. I will never hurt you."

"It's just…I haven't had the easiest life since my change," he mumbled. "I have a lot of scars."

I didn't say anything as he lay down on the bed beside me. I just reached my hand out and rubbed his arm, comforting him. I then leaned forward and placed soft kissed on the scars that peeked out from beneath his undershirt and the bigger scars from his biceps to his hands. He closed his eyes and moaned quietly.

"I still can't believe that you are real, that you are here," I said, turning sideways on the bed to face him. I took his hand in mine and I did not intend to ever let go.

Jasper turned to face me and placed his other hand on my cheek. "I am here and I am not going anywhere without you. You are where I am meant to be. I have no doubt," he said. "But how did you know I was coming? How do your visions work?"

I hesitated, looking down at my hands. I had always felt out of place, outside the norm because of my visions, on top of the fact that I was a vampire all alone. My mood suddenly changed and I felt peace, contentment and love.

"I don't remember one thing about my human life," I sighed. "My first memory was waking up into this life, seeing visions of you and visions of our future, together, with a family called the Cullens."

"Visions?" he asked, perplexed by what I meant.

I was quiet, hesitant to elaborate. It wasn't something I shared.

"I…see…things," I stammered, raising only my eyes to see what Jasper's reaction was.

"Well, that must be your gift, darlin'," he grinned, squeezing my hand.

"Gift?"

"Yes, many of us have gifts or abilities," he began. "I am an empath. I feel the emotions and feelings of those around me and I can control theirs. You don't know any other vampires with abilities?"

I lifted my face from the pillow and propped myself on an elbow. I was intrigued by this information. "I don't know any other vampires."

"How-?"

"My visions help me a lot. They told me you were coming and that we would find the Cullens. They tell me when danger is near so I can avoid it and they have helped me with the stock market, which is how I have money. But I have never encountered another vampire. The visions of the Cullens guided me and taught me how to be a 'vegetarian' vampire and how to survive."

"Who are these Cullens?" he asked with trepidation, tensing up a bit.

"They hunt animals, not humans and they live together as a family. I see us as a part of that family."

"A family? Not a coven?"

I giggled. I had to admit to myself this was a very strange conversation to be having.

"Yes, it's a coven in the technical sense but they are a family," I said, smiling widely at him, to re-assure him they were good vampires. "But there is a father, a mother, two boys and a girl."

"And they don't feed on humans?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. The thought appeared so foreign to me.

"No," I smiled. "We will go to them and we will become part of the family. I have seen it."

He was quiet for a moment, contemplating his next question. I waited patiently, ready to tell him anything.

"How do you manage to be around all of these people – in the diner, the hotel, the streets?" he asked softly.

"It doesn't bother me," I said confidently. "I have never fed on a human. Ever since I saw the Cullens in my visions and how they hunted on animals I learned to live that way as well and I will teach you."

"Are you strong? Animal blood is enough to keep you full?" he asked, seemingly surprised.

"I could take you any day," I laughed. "I am very strong and yes, it is enough. You will do fine. I've seen it.

He smiled in amusement before changing the mood and tone. Suddenly I felt a tingling sensation, a need to be closer to him.

"I hope it's not inappropriate to say, but you're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on," he said with such conviction I was certain it was filled with honesty.

I moved a little closer to him and touched his cheek with my hand. I felt so close to him. He was finally with me, right in front of me and I couldn't get enough of him.

"It isn't inappropriate at all," I purred. "I have waited on you for a very long time. I would have been sorely disappointed if I didn't dazzle you."

As I moved closer, Jasper instinctively grasped my thigh and pulled me even closer. He looked deep into my eyes and his tongue peeked out from his mouth to wet his lip as he moved his hand up my thigh to my waist, the satin sliding easily against my skin. We looked deep into each others eyes and we saw everything we ever wanted in each other. I was content and I could feel that he was as well. I moved my hands down his cheeks, to his jaw and pulled him to me, parting his lips with my tongue.

"Oh my," he moaned.

His hands slid up my back and he pulled me closer to him. I wanted him so badly and my emotions were swinging wildly between intense, unbridled passion and pure bliss, replacing the fear and depression I had detected from Jasper when he first came into the diner. The more I responded to him and the feelings of need and longing I could feel him physically pull away and I would relax, only to soon find myself tugging at his hair, pulling him back towards me, towards my center.

I had never felt these emotions. I felt love. I was in love with Jasper, the man I had envisioned for so long, who I had just met hours earlier. The harder I kissed him I could feel an erection growing, pushing at the pajama pants. I could tell he was trying to avoid me discovering that as he moved and adjusted his hips away from me.

"It's okay, Jasper," I muttered, trying to reassure him.

He reached up and grabbed my face, kissing me hard, his fingers tugging at the bandanna in my hair. His hand moved down my neck, his fingertips brushing gently against my skin as he moved to slip my nightgown from my shoulders. I reached for his hips and pulled him closer still, only to have him pull his lips from mine. He moved his hand slowly back up my shoulder and pressed a finger against my mouth. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath then opened his eyes again, looking at me.

I was utterly confused.

"I want you darlin'," he admitted. "Believe me, I want you and I will have you but according to your visions and the emotions that are overwhelming me right now I know we will be together forever. That makes me want to do this right and do right by you. Let's get to know each other first. I want you to be certain."

"I have never been more certain of anything – ever," I said, pushing my finger from his lips, offering him a chaste peck on the cheek.

Jasper scooted back on the bed and sat up, crossing his legs Indian style. I sat up as well and turned my legs to the side as I looked at him with such respect. I wanted him and he wanted me but he was remaining strong and courteous about the whole situation.

"Tell me about you, Alice," he urged.

"There isn't much to tell," I frowned, picking at the blanket with her fingers. "Twenty-eight years ago I woke up in Baltimore, alone, with a serious thirst for blood. Over time, I discovered what I was, but I still don't know who I was before that. However, none of that matters. Every single day for almost three decades, I have seen my life with you and the Cullens and it gave me hope. That has been my entire focus."

He adjusted himself a little more on the bed, facing me straight on, taking both of my hands in his.

"But what about since then? What have you done since then? How do you manage alone?"

"I have wandered – Baltimore, New York City, Philadelphia, Montreal and everywhere in between," I began to rattle off the details of the past three decades. "I worked in a factory during the war -."

"Like Rosie the Riveter?" he chuckled.

"Exactly like that," I giggled. "I didn't need the money but I wanted to do my part and all the other girls were doing it. It was pretty cool. Super human strength comes in handy."

"I would have liked to have seen that," he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, I have pictures," I said, jumping from the bed, running to a suitcase I had sitting on a luggage rack. I reached inside, to the satin pocket inside the lid and pulled out a stack of pictures. I leapt back onto the bed and plopped down across from him, dropping the pictures in between us.

Jasper flipped through them and I told him stories behind each. I smiled widely when he found the picture of me in my blue coveralls and bright red lipstick, with a riveter in my hand. It was a shame the colors were black and white and couldn't see how bright the lipstick was against my porcelain skin. There were pictures of me at Niagara Falls and in Times Square on New Year's Eve along with casual pictures of me mocking pin-up girls with LOOK! Magazine in my hands.

I loved watching his face as he saw each picture of me in places he had never laid eyes before. This was all so new to him. I knew these things would happen, but Jasper didn't.

"So tell me about the whole stock market thing and your money," he pleaded.

"Well, during the Great Depression so many people lost their jobs, houses, businesses and family because of the stock market. I focused and I could see the future of businesses and started to invest money I had made at odd jobs, and, well, I did really well."

"What an amazing gift," he responded, reaching out to touch my fingers with his. He seemed to need to touch me as much as I needed to touch him.

"Not all the time," I sighed. "Sometimes I wish I didn't see things and could turn them off." I closed my eyes, shook my head and re-opened my eyes with a new focus. "Now tell me about you."

"You mean you don't know?" he asked in confusion.

"I only saw you coming," I explained. "I see the future. Not the past."

"Where do you want me to start?" I asked.

"From the beginning," she smiled. "From your beginning."

"When I was seventeen years old I lived in Houston, Texas," he began. "It was 1861 and the Civil War was just beginning. I lied to the recruiters and told them I was twenty so I could join the Confederate Army…"

He went on to tell me everything. He told me about his swift rise through the ranks of the Texas Cavalry and how he became the youngest Major ever by the time the Battle of Galveston broke out three years later. Then he told me about Maria, Nettie, Lucie and his brother Peter and his mate Charlotte and how he entered the world of immortality. He told me about the battles and the fighting and I understood completely the extent of his scars – they went far deeper than the scars I could see.

He talked for what seemed like hours, but before we knew it, the sun had come up and set again. I never moved. His story fascinated me and listened intently, running my fingers over his scars, wishing I could make him forget all of his suffering.

"I promise you, Jasper Whitlock, that you will never have to live that way again," I said, leaning forward to kiss his lips. "Your days of suffering are over."

2006, Forks

"Do you remember the day I finally gave you the ring?" I teased, running my fingertips down his chest towards his bellybutton.

"That was the day when Alice Smith became Mrs. Jasper Whitlock," he purred, nibbling on my ear lobes, running his hands up my thighs.

"Yes," I laughed. "You made me wait twenty-eight years for you to come into my life, and then you made me wait another week before we could consummate our relationship."

"Love waits, darlin'," he reminded me. "Love waits."

July 21, 1948 Tannersville, Pennsylvania

Jasper and I had the most fantastic week with one another. For two days, we stayed in the hotel room at the Bellevue-Sheraton and talked. Now nothing about each other that we did not know. It was as if I had always known Jasper, even before my visions. My years of wandering alone, worried about whether my visions were accurate or not evaporated almost immediately when I laid eyes on him.

When we finally left the hotel, we ran together to the Pocono Mountains where we hunted together. I taught Jasper how to hunt, taking down a black bear on my own, which seemed to impress him greatly.

He hadn't touched me intimately since we met. He actually got down on his knee after we fed together for the first time and asked me, insisted, that I marry him first. It was semantics since we were vampires and religious ceremonies held no real value for us. However, he was a southern gentleman through and through and told me I was the truest lady he had ever met. He said I deserved that type of commitment from him, a guarantee of forever. He told me I deserved the dress and the ring, but there were many things he couldn't give me. He couldn't marry me in a church or offer me an official piece of paper. However, he could promise me that he would never leave my side.

The moonlight reflected off the lake just below Mt. Pocono. Through the trees I could see him standing nervously by the water's edge looking towards the trees, waiting for me. He was in a white short-sleeved dress shirt and khaki pants that I had purchased for the occasion. I was so excited to step onto the sandy beach and let him see me.

The trees rustled around me as I stepped from them, catching Jasper's attention. It was late at night and we were all alone.

I purchased my casual wedding gown before we left Philadelphia, having seen this night in my visions. It was a knee-length taffeta champagne-colored dress that peaked in the front, exposing layers of white crinoline from underneath. I walked barefoot in the sand, carrying high heels in one hand that matched my dress and a small bouquet of calla lilies in the other. I glided towards Jasper who had his eyes fixed on me, a wide-grin on his lips. That was my wedding night. After becoming a vampire, I was never sure I would have that human experience, but thanks to Jasper's chivalry, I was experiencing it. I never ever wanted to forget the way he looked as he stood there, waiting for me to become his wife.

He swallowed hard as I stepped in front of him, the water lapping at my toes. I dropped the shoes to the ground and reached out for his hand.

"Hello, darlin'," he smiled wildly, taking my hand in his, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. "You kept me waiting."

"Not as long as you kept me waiting," I teased.

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in all of my years," he said, running his other hand down my elbow-length sleeves.

"And you are the most handsome man I have ever met," I said. "But I knew that a long time ago."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, shaking nervously.

"Alice Smith, the day I walked into that diner and saw you I knew you were my forever. The millions of miles I have walked over the past eighty years have led me here, to you. I promise to love you for eternity and never leave you. Your days of walking this world alone are over. There is not one journey I want to make without you by my side. Thank you for seeing me, for believing in me - in us and for waiting patiently for me. I will never make you wait for me ever again. Would you be my wife?"

I lowered my eyes, a sense of peace and love washing over me. I took a deep breath and opened them slowly, smiling at Jasper, squeezing his hand.

"I will," I promised as he slipped a simple white gold wedding band on me with the words 'you are my forever' engraved on the inside. "Jasper Whitlock, I have been waiting forever to be your wife. You are my everything and always have been. Every single step I have taken since I woke into this life has brought me to you. The day you walked into that diner my forever began. I promise to love you passionately and fiercely from this day forward. I will never leave your side. Every journey from now on will be one we will take together." I released his hand and untied a satin bow at the bottom of my bouquet that held a ring I slipped onto my ring finger. 'Love Waits' it said.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me hard against him, kissing me with every ounce of passion he had been holding back.

"I love you," he whispered.

"And I love you," I whispered back.

Author on Author Interview: shadowed by passion interviews Kiva Johns-Adkins (TwittahMom)

2010-11-15T21:47:00.000-05:00

shadowedbypassion, author of Falling Away with You, interviews the interviewer. She took her turn in the interviewer's seat and sat down with me, Kiva Johns Adkins (TwittahMom) and we talked about lots of things, including my version of the Twi Saga from EPOV: Continuation of Midnight Sun, Black Moon and Shroud.

SbP--What was your motivation to finish “Midnight Sun?”

Kiva-- I am a control freak and I could not stand that Midnight Sun was out there and would probably never be written. I know a lot of people hold out hope that it will, but not me. I knew, at that point, SM had moved on and Edward’s story would never be told and, to me, I was more interested in his story.

SbP--Being inside the mind of Edward, what is that like?

Kiva-- It is a very comfortable place to be (although it has been difficult to get in tune with him for the last few weeks). It’s not so much me getting in his mind as he gets in mine. I don’t hear voices, but he speaks to me. I have the Saga as a guide but I really have no plans ahead of time what Edward will do or say. He talks. I type. I know so many people relate to Bella because she is “neutral” enough to be everyone but I have always related more to Edward and his inner turmoil at not feeling like he is good enough for her.

SbP--I know you have said that you never intended to write the rest of the saga in Edward’s point of view, what was your reasoning to continue?

Kiva--Again, control freak. New Moon was my least favorite book but that’s because there was very little Edward but I knew that the pain he went through was as great, or greater than Bella went through and I needed people to see his pain, to understand him. A lot of people were angry at him for leaving her or felt more sorry for her. I wanted them to feel Edward’s pain. Then Eclipse, well, it’s my favorite book so I had to keep going and Breaking Dawn is a no-brainer.

SbP--In Black Moon (EPOV of New Moon), you recreated all of Edward’s journeys—there was not a lot that SM gave to us to know what he was doing, yet you used it all so well. The ideas that you had and used, how did you come up with them?

Kiva--There is actually quite a bit of information on Twilight Lexicon, which is my go-to resource. They had personal correspondence with SM and timelines for when he left and reunited with Bella. And she had insight into what he did, although I did stray a bit. I am committed to sticking to SM canon but I think she got some things wrong (I hope that doesn’t sound arrogant). She had Edward going South before Texas, Mexico and Rio and I didn’t buy it. I live in the south. It is too sunny and crowded for Edward and not enough hunting opportunities, so I took him through the west, going back to check on Bella and pick up Victoria’s scent from the baseball field. Then I plotted a time-line, knowing the end and the beginning and a call home at Christmas. I filled in the blanks and plotted his course. Then I researched the places he was at, down to mapquest, climate, wildlife and plant growth. I wanted him to stay at The Venetian in Vegas because I want to stay there so bad. I was pleased to learn there was a Bella Suite at the hotel. So of course, he stayed there. Also, SM indicated Edward spent much of his time in barns and attics and I didn’t buy that. Edward had money and he would want to look like a degenerate, so I had times he stayed in hotels or motels. Taking him through New Mexico and Arizona took him to the Kiva ruins and I had to opportunize on that. Since Kiva’s were about spirits and ancestors I thought it would be a great time for all the women in his life to talk to him, to guide him on the right path.

SbP--What gets you in the mood to write?

Kiva--I wake up. That really is all I do. I write, I beta and occasionally read.

SbP--Is it difficult to stick to SM’s story? Do you ever want to sway from her story line?

Kiva--It is. I think that is my problem now. He is up Bella’s ass in this story so I have so little time to have him do his own thing. Black Moon wasn’t because I followed her outline persay but it was my story.

SbP--What would you change or add if anything to the original story?

Kiva--I would have made it EPOV.

SbP--Are there any Fan Fiction stories that you cannot live without?

Kiva-- I honestly have very little time to read so it is not a reflection on all of those I want to read but right now, MoTU, EP, Visions of our Destiny, Still of the Night, From the Darkness Comes Light and many more on my list.

SbP--What suggestions or words of advice would you give to upcoming writers?

Kiva--Write from your heart. Don’t force anything but never give up on a story. Sometimes you need a break. Sometimes they need a break. You can always go back. Don’t listen to the haters because, no matter how big you get, there will be haters.

SbP--What do you like to do when you are not writing?

Kiva--Sleep

SbP--Is there anyone who has been an encouragement to you during your writing process?

Kiva--First and foremost my beta, ForksPixie. I could not do this without her. She has been with me since the beginning. The Saga in EPOV is as much her story as it is mine and if I didn’t have her, I wouldn’t continue. She knows me. She knows my characters and she knows canon.

SbP--What do you prefer more—Writing or Betaing?

Kiva--Writing. Betaing is exhausting work and I have so much appreciation for what my Pix does for me.

Personal

SbP--What do you do for a living?

Kiva--Print half-truths and lies and call it the news

SbP--When you were five, what did you want to grow up to be?

Kiva--Five was not a good age, so let’s go with ten – I wanted to be a writer.

SbP--What is your favorite TV show?

Kiva--Of All-Time, The X-Files. Right now, Dancing With The Stars

SbP--If you could have one wish granted, what would it be?

Kiva--To be independently wealthy. Then I could leave my world and go where I have always wanted to go – to countries like Sudan and Rhwanda and tell their stories to the world.

SbP--What is your favorite movie?

Kiva--Twilight

SbP--Favorite color?

Kiva--Pink

SbP--How do you function on so little sleep?

Kiva--It is beyond me because I would love to get more sleep

SbP--What is your all time favorite Fan Fic story?

Kiva--EP

SbP--What is your all time favorite published book?

Kiva--The Outsiders

SbP—Are there any authors that you look up to and respect?

Kiva--Nope - not individually. Each writer is different and has to find their own path.

SbP--Do you have any role models? And if so, whom?

Kiva--Role Models? No. My parents were, but they are gone and I am a stage in my life where I guess I need to be the role model

SbP--Just recently you did an interview with Lee MacDougall, friend of Rob Pattinson, what was that like?

Kiva-- Fantastic and yummy. I love listening to a BritBoy, especially when he tells me my accent is amazing and exotic. Plus I learned a few things.

Random

1. Peas or Carrots? Peas

2. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla

3. Summer or winter? Spring

4. Black or white? Brown

5. Favorite restaurant? Carraba’s

6. If your life was a tv show, what would it be and why? Roseanne and it’s pretty obvious

7. Favorite drink? Non-alcoholic, Coke with a lemon; alcoholic – pineapple upside down cake

8. Guilty pleasure? naps

9. Favorite sport to watch? Nascar

10. What is the one thing you absolutely, positively cannot live without? My laptop

11. Do you have a tattoo? Yes, an ankle bracelet made out of the celtic trinity. The “charms” are a shamrock as a nod to my Irish heritage, a pink breast cancer ribbon to honor my mom, an apple for Twilight (and because I was a teacher) and I just got the Columbine Flower attached because that is the state flower of Colorado, where I am from.

12. Favorite cartoon? Scooby-Doo

13. Strangest thing you have ever eaten? I am not a risk taker, so let’s go with tofu.

14. If you could have sexual relations with anyone who would it be? (besides Robert Pattinson) Does Rob have a cousin?

15. Boxers or Briefs? Boxers

16. Left or right? Right

Author on Author Interview: belladonna1472 interviews The Black Arrow

2010-11-08T12:20:00.001-05:00

FFN Summary: By pretending she is falling for Edward, Bella is fulfilling Esme's dying wish. But sexy, possessive Edward can read her mind. Will she ever get into his? Can Bella forget the pain of her teenage years, and can she resist his relentless seduction? AH.

Introduction: Brilliantly captivating and recently completed, The Black Arrow’s The Blessing and the Curse is a must-read for any twific fan. It’s an angst/romance story with a possessive Edward and a premise that will keep you reading from prologue to end. The Black Arrow (Sally) was kind enough to answer some questions about her fic and writing process, so read on to find out more!

How would you describe The Blessing and the Curse to someone who’s never read it?

An intense, slow paced and dark story of unhealthy obsession and flawed people. Unashamedly inspired by Wuthering Heights and featuring every colour of the rainbow!

Your prose is beautiful – some of the best imagery I’ve ever read. Had you written much before starting TB&TC?

TB&TC is the first thing I’ve ever written. Well, I mean I’ve written a few little drabbles here and there in high school (over ten years ago) when I couldn’t hold the words in any more, but I’ve never written anything that had a sustained plot. It’s been a huge learning curve.

Describe the moment when the idea for TB&TC popped into your head. And how quickly did you put pen to paper, so to speak?

I’d always told my (soon to be beta) bookbag that I’d love to get some writing experience. We had just signed up to a writing class, after finally deciding to do something about our suspected talent, and we were both right into reading fanfiction around that time. I said if I had an idea for a fanfic, I’d try to write something for practice.

With that in mind, I had to think of a semi-original premise. It was really daunting- with over 40,000 Twilight fanfics on the site, I was certain that nothing I wrote would be noteworthy. I started thinking of twists on the canon, and thinking in opposites. I had always thought how interesting it would have been if Edward COULD read her mind. Then I started to think about what I’d like to read- the story I was searching for but was never fully satisfied by. I love Wuthering Heights and the intense, claustrophobic and disturbing sense of inevitability. I wanted to read something intense- I wanted to feel like I was THERE, in that moment. Anyway, the idea of going home to visit a dying Esme just popped into my head, and Edward’s ‘game’. I had the entire idea on the drive to work.

I wrote the first four chapters a few days later, but then hesitated to post them. I couldn’t see any point- I thought that no one would find it or read it. But bookbag encouraged me, telling me I had nothing to lose, and I uploaded it with zero expectations. I thought twenty reviews was a reasonable goal, and now I’m nearly at 12,000. So really, we have bookbag to thank/blame! And hey, the message is as always: there’s no new stories, only new ways of telling them. The idea of TB&TC itself is not particularly outrageously original. It’s just told in a different way.

The prologue of TB&TC starts off with a telling quote from Wuthering Heights. Do you think on some level women secretly yearn for a consuming, and even frightening, love? Or are we just fascinated by the concept and like reading about it?

I think people like reading about things that would disturb them in real life. And maybe that little remnant of our teenage selves want to remember what it was like to be totally consumed by someone else. It’s alarming and seductive, and beats the hell out of reading about a normal romance in which the protagonist is mildly irritated with her boyfriend for not rinsing his cereal bowl.

Your Edward is sexy, possessive and relentless. What were your inspirations for this character?

He’s just the sort of man I love to read. Remember, this entire fic has just been total self gratification for me. I’ve been able to create my favourite kind of male character: the kind that loves fiercely, is playful when he means to be serious, is deadly serious about who he wants, and the glimpses of vulnerability give him a hidden dimension. He’s an arrogant, unforgivably awful and self centred man, but his redeeming feature is the depth of his love. Maybe his only redeeming feature.

What has reader reaction been like when it comes to your Bella? Do they always agree with her decisions and motivations?

People feel frustrated with her, and I understand that. And I admit, she wasn’t an easy character to write. My Curseward leapt out onto the screen, and made me laugh with the things my fingers were typing (sucking a diamond ring- I have NO idea where that came from!) but she was more shadowy. Most people find her too soft, too fragile. What I found most interesting was that before the Michael Newton character arrived, people were hard on her for being cruel to Curseward. But after Michael arrived, people were critical of her cruelty to Michael AND Curseward. She couldn’t win! People shouted in their reviews at her- stop being wishy-washy and stop playing it safe and just JUMP! But by the same token, others criticized her for relenting so quickly. I think that readers are very hard on Bellas. I take it all as feedback, and I hope that the next female protagonist I write is easier for me to pin down.

I liked that Michael was a character. Did you deliberately choose him instead of Jacob, thereby giving us a new triangle to focus on?

I needed a fairly neutral male character, and most people would expect a Jacob type character to be more intense and passionate. I needed someone whose greatest crime was a sort of exhausted workaholic emotional neglect, and Michael Newton fit the bill perfectly. How easily I was able to imagine him wearily vacuuming the hallway outside her study, stressing over his morning’s court appearance. I needed someone whose greatest crime was NOT being Edward, and he just fit. For the record, I like my Michael.

In terms of genre, the story is an angst/romance. As a reader, I always felt the emotion was raw and real, believable and moving. How do you as a writer inject this emotion into your words? Did you always get the level of angst right when writing, or were adjustments sometimes needed?

It was unbelievably hard to write this story in the style that I did. I have never written before, and to decide to write in such a prose-heavy style was a bit ambitious. And it took a lot of time. Towards the end in particular, the weight of my words was harder to bear, and it took weeks for me to birth each chapter. Each chapter took at least six or seven drafts- it was the only way I could achieve the level of detail and the intensity of emotion that people liked and connected with. I’d write the bare bones, and then do what bookbag and I dubbed ‘weathering’… adding in the colours and smells and textures that bring it all into focus. I wanted to make people feel like they were held still, right in that room or field or car, holding their breath as they felt the scene playing out in front of them. That’s what I was lacking in so many things I have read. The moments that are the most important seem to slip by so quickly in only a page or two- I want to savour it.

My style has been described as ‘purple prose’ and to that, I simply say that this is how I like to write, and I never claimed to be an expert. It’s hurtful, especially when people don’t actually put it in a review so that I can improve, but say it in forums where I stumble across it, feeling like a fool. It is hard to put yourself out there. I think I’ll try to strike a balance on the next thing I write.

What Edward has seen and captured as a photographer is a compelling element of his personal story, as are the scars inflicted by his line of work. What informed your decision to make him a photographer?

I wanted to give him a creative, adventurous job, and I didn’t want to make his material wealth a focus like some stories do. It’s tempting to gift your characters with fantastic jobs and a designer wardrobe, after all. I wanted to juxtapose his ability to ‘hear’ with a job that requires him to purely ‘see’. War photography seemed fitting- his self-inflicted punishment for being so utterly awful. I needed a job which forced him to be a nomad, wandering the planet. I read some blogs written by war photographers, and I was struck by the sheer sacrifice that they make in order to give a voice to people who are in these awful conflicts. They force themselves to look upon horror in order to record history, and I think it would take an extraordinary personality type to be able to cope with it.

You chose to write in third person – as opposed to first person or first person with switching narratives – and it was a decision that paid off really well. When it comes to other fics, are you still tired of only reading first person?

I just love reading something through the eyes of an omniscient narrator, who can make observations on characters motivations that they are unaware of. It’s so much fun to write. You can shape the reader’s perception and put in delicious little throwaway lines that just make them CRAVE more information. I still get PMs from people asking, “What DID his face look like when she sat on his lap in Esme’s room?” And I always reply, “What do YOU think it looked like?” Stories come alive for people when they have gaps for their imagination to fill in. My favourite books have little bits that I will never KNOW, and that’s what makes me reread… like one day the missing puzzle piece will reveal itself. I’m maddening to many, I’m sure. I hope TB&TC has inspired more people to play God and write in third person. Back when I started it, third person was relatively uncommon- it was all EPOV and BPOV. I like reading any perspective, as long as they make me feel like I am there.

Different authors rely on their betas in different ways. How would you describe Bookbag’s impact on your work?

bookbag has been indispensable. She was the one who encouraged me to write it, post it, and she has workshopped every single chapter. She’s questioned my motivations, challenged ideas that I thought I had and run a fine tooth comb over every word I’ve written. She’s had the guts to tell me when something doesn’t work, and she’s given me back a draft I’d slaved over and told me to rewrite sections. I often wondered what she must have thought when I would pass on a draft for her review. It’s very exposing, posting fiction online, but there is nothing scarier than letting someone you actually know in real life read it. Imagine reading a sex scene written by someone you know. Mortifying, right? Well, we established the Realm of No Wrong very early on and I’ve never felt like she was judging me. She’s only ever wanted me to write the best piece of fiction I was capable of, and for that I thank her.

What was it like winning a Golden Lemon Award?

Um, awesomely embarrassing! Do you know, the now-famous ‘Alchemy’ chapter has about four times as many hits as the other chapters. It was a difficult scene to write- I took weeks perfecting it, trying to live up to expectation and to do justice to the culmination of a lifetime of longing and passion. I’m really happy with it, and I’d like to think that it transcends the physical act. I hope it’s tasteful and fits with the story. But yes, I say that winning was slightly embarrassing, because I never thought when I was writing it that I would win an award for a sex scene.

Describe how it felt to complete the story, and also to post it?

It was wonderful. Everyone knows how badly I struggled in the last few months of writing this story. When I started writing it, I was in a place in my life where I was very introspective and slightly melancholy, and this story was an outlet for me. Angst was my middle name back then. But things change; people change, and I got busier at work, and the sun came out and I realised that I had really badly neglected my partner for a year from locking myself away to write, and I had a garden and a house that needed my attention. And writing no longer felt like a hobby any more. I wasn’t having fun. I wanted to move on from it, but I was no longer in the right headspace to write the ending. There was so much pressure- messages every day from people asking me to finish it. I was desperate. I’d listen to sad music, trying to make myself melancholy… my own version of kicking around in the foliage on the side of the road, trying to find the entrance to the Cullen dimension. Just like any birth, it took a few final painful heaves, and it was DONE. I knew writing an ending would be impossibly hard, especially as the story had evolved far beyond anything I had originally planned. The entire story wrote itself and I could not control it. So I gave the last chapters to my beta and pre reader, and got on a plane to Paris to start a lovely European adventure. I posted the first chapter in Paris, and the final chapter from a hotel in Interlaken. It was strange, being so far and so disconnected. Usually when I uploaded a chapter at home, I’d have twenty minutes of silence and then my inbox would implode. Completing the story whilst overseas was an oddly solitary sensation- I didn’t read any reviews for a week or two, so had no idea if I’d hit or missed. I’m proud of myself for managing to finish it, and maybe when enough time has passed I will be able to read this story myself and be able to truly see what I’ve accomplished. I’m still too close to it to be able to do that.

What are your writing plans for the future?

TB&TC will be the only fanfiction I write. I was toying with the idea of doing a prequel at one point, but I think it would just take too much time. I’ve realised how badly I want to be a writer. A professional, published writer. I’m so grateful to everyone who has read this story and given me feedback and helped me with this journey. I’m planning on writing original fiction, and I hope to have a completed manuscript by December 2011. That’s my goal. I had an idea for my first novel whilst on the Glacier Express travelling through Switzerland, so wish me luck!

Do you have any fic recs for us?

I’m sorry, I don’t! I’ve moved on from fanfiction- I just can’t keep reading the names Edward and Bella over and over. The Twilight bug has faded out for me. I will always love it and remember fondly the days where getting an update alert in my inbox would make me squeal. Such a gift that those writers gave me! But I think that there are so many talented people writing fanfic, and they’re having fun with it. That’s what everyone should do. Have fun, keep it as an enjoyable hobby and a way to explore what kind of writer they want to be, in such a positive and supportive fandom.

Fun Stuff

Favourite holiday destination? I’m just back from Europe a few weeks ago, and I’d have to say that I’m already yearning to be back on the beach in Positano, Italy.
What’s one thing you consider a blessing, and one thing you consider a curse? I’d say that fame and money would be both a blessing and a curse.
Favourite Twilight book and movie? Eclipse!
First album you ever bought? I begged my dad to buy me the Tiffany album, and I’d rock out to it on my Walkman out the front of my parent’s holiday caravan. The eighties were awesome.
Biggest fashion disaster? Deliberately mismatched socks, stirrup pants and a hypercolour t shirt- all courtesy of the eighties.
Worst haircut? Again, the eighties were cruel to me, and a hairdresser cut my hair into a mullet when I was about nine. It was absolutely horrendous. It’s looking like the eighties were my blessing and curse!
Last time you cried? I cry all the time, and it was probably yesterday, watching footage of sailors returning to shore after a year on duty, and a man seeing his baby for the first time.
Pepsi or Coca-cola? Coke, but I’m on a permanent diet since gaining so much weight from sitting on my ass writing fanfiction, so it’s got to be sugar free Coke Zero (but I YEARN for full strength Coke.)
Peas or carrots? Mmmm, carrots! And my pug Delia loves carrots too!

The Fandom People Awards

2010-11-06T13:12:00.000-04:00

Thanks again to everyone that nominated us!

Author on Author Interview: dontrun, author of Homecoming

2010-11-01T14:09:00.000-04:00

Her fans asked for it and here it is, the author on author interview with dontrun. She opens up about her story Homecoming. Check out her blog here.

In an author’s note you say that you had an abusive father and that is where some of the story comes from. How cathartic has it been for you to write the story down and exorcise your demons, if you will? Has it given you some closure?

DR: Because the issue of abuse is so personal it can be healing to get it all out there. However there is that invisible line that I can cross that brings up a lot of old pain. I’m hoping that once the story is over it will help close a door on some issues from my past. It’s kind of like therapy, a session can be good or bad, but each time you go there it is a step forward. More than anything I hope that the story helps another abuse survivor move forward, and know that they’re not alone.

When Charlie kills Phil and Renee goes to prison did you feel you were offering Bella justice that many victims of abuse do not get?

DR: Simple answer is yes. More complex, in killing Phil and sending Renee to jail I was punishing my own abuser, and I was also punishing the real life Renee. I met my friend that the Renee/Charlie/Bella relationship comes from in group therapy as a teen, we’ve been friends ever since. She even reads Homecoming. She’s still ticked she doesn’t have an Edward.

Given the web of relationships (i.e., Tanya and Renee and their mother) you show the reality of abuse begetting abuse and that, despite that, there are still heroes and saviors to rescue victims of abuse. When you first read Twilight did you read the Cullens all as heroes and how did you view Bella? Did you view her as weak or silently strong and how has that affected YOUR Bella?

DR: When I read Twilight I really felt, and still do that the Cullens saved Bella, from more than just the nomad vamps. They saved her by loving her unconditionally (excluding Rose lol). Bella took care of her mother and father as a young girl, she didn’t know how to rely on someone else because for the majority of her life she was the rock, the adult in her family. Charlie might have been trying, but I always felt it was a little too little, too late. He let his flighty ex wife, who he knew could barely take care of herself run off with their child and never fought for custody.

So I never saw Bella as weak, I saw her more as a survivor of neglect. I think that is why she was so quick to cling to Jacob when Edward left, he gave her attention that she was starved for since she had so little of it her whole life. My Bella is a lot like her, she has been without real love and affection her whole life. The difference is that my Bella even if Edward walked away wouldn’t go running into the first guy who makes her laughs arms. By putting her in therapy, and giving her a stronger support system, she’d make it through, or even call Edward out if he tried leave.

I had a very similar experience coming into the world as your Bella. My mother was a teen mom who got pregnant by an older man, who happened to already have children and was married but she had no idea. So I really identified with that aspect of Bella’s life. Personally, I want to thank you and commend you for telling the real life stories that are out there that help many of us relate to the Twilight characters.

DR: Thanks hun. I love when someone can identify in some way with a character that I’ve written.

What was it about Twilight and Fan Fiction that gave you the courage to write from such personal experiences?

DR: Twilight drew me in, and I call it my happy place. Fan Fiction gave me the anonymity and a bunch of kick ass supporters on previous stories. All of that combined led to me being able to share Homecoming with others.

What are Bella’s concerns for her future now that Phil is dead and Renee is in prison?

DR: Bella is concerned with healing, and with growing. She’s trying to get over her past so she can have her happy ever after.

Are you writing this to help others deal with their own issues of abuse and abandonment or are you writing it for you?

DR: Both. Like I’ve said if one other person can find healing, or even the motivation to try and heal from this story I’ll know it has been worth the time and effort I’ve put into it.

What advice do you have for other writers who want to tell stories that have difficult subject matter like yours or don’t necessarily have the Happily Ever After? What would you say to encourage them to tell their stories anyway?

DR: My advice would be stand firm to your vision of the story. Reviews are going to have theories, or even the “I wish….” , if you start trying to please them all you’ll end up hating your own story. I would encourage anyone who wants to write to do so, when you get that review that says thank you for giving me the courage to seek help, or the review that says thanks for making me smile after crappy day it makes you feel so good inside, really it does.

When you get into further therapy sessions will you get more involved in the family history of abuse that has plagued the women of Bella’s family, to explain how it continues?

DR: I only have 2 more planned out sessions as of right now. One goes very in depth into Bella’s life with Renee, and Charlie is there for it. I’m not sure how much I’m going to delve into the family history of abuse as of right now.

How will Edward become Bella’s hero? Her upbringing must be so foreign to him and the rest of the Cullens but they have all jumped right in and welcomed her with open arms. Is it more than Edward coming to her rescue?

DR: Edward is already her hero, in Bella’s mind for caring about her unconditionally. While Bella’s past is very hard for him to grasp, and so outside his norm, his compassionate nature gives him the strength to be there for her. His being there, being her rock is his way of “saving” her.

I know you have a lot of real life stuff going on and updates can’t be planned or predicted but is this a story you will continue to tell and finish to the end or is it emotionally exhausting to tell such a difficult story?

DR: I’m going t finish the story, I promise. I actually have a few future chapters partially written, and the epilogue is done. So it will be done. My updates have been slow because my mind hasn’t been on writing lately, my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and other things going on in my life has really affected my updating.

Is there an author or person in the fandom that has been your rock and given you strength to write and tell the story? There is always a good support team behind every writer. Tell me about yours.

DR: Jeesh there are so many fabulous ladies that have been there for me and been my rocks. I have to give a huge amount of love to my betas TwiDi and RachelleMyBell, they’ve really been so encouraging, and don’t complain about having to fix my grammatical and punctuation errors. They both have very busy lives, yet always make time to get the updates fixed up pretty. And they are fast too.

Just For Fun

Fun: Reading, hands down my favorite hobby.
Favorite smell: Vanilla
Favorite candy: I love Cadbury milk chocolate candy bars.
Blue, brown or green eyes (preference wise): Hmmm probably brown followed closely by green.
Country or Rock and Roll : Both, I love music, in various genres. My IPod has MPD.
Favorite place you have travelled: Niagara Falls Canada, there is *I think it’s still open* this butterfly pavilion you can go in and the butterflies are all over the place, they land on you. It was so beautiful. I loved it.
Do you have a bucket list and what is at the top of the list?: I don’t have one. I just believe in living life, and if I don’t d everything I ever dreamed it just wasn’t meant for me to do.
Dogs or Cats: Both. I can’t remember a time I didn’t have one of each.
Baseball or Football: Football.
Favorite season: Fall.
Favorite Twilight Saga book? Movie?: Twilight for both. The reason? Both have a lot less Jacob ;0)
Favorite TV show: Paranormal State, Psych and Glee.

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this and sorry for the delay in getting in to you. I know you have a lot going on and I am grateful for you taking the time to do this since it was your fans that wanted an interview with you.

Kiva (@TwittahMom)

Author on Author Interview: MasenVixen interviews Belladonna1472, author of The Cullen Campaign

2010-10-18T05:48:00.002-04:00

This is a great example of how we want the author interviews to go on Peas & Carrots. ForksPixie or I interview an author, then that author interviews another and so on, opening up more fic and authors to the fandom. The progression of this interview was ForksPixie and I interviewed LolaShoes, who interviewed Myg, who interviewd MasenVixen, who now are interviewing Belladonna1472, author of The Cullen Campaign.

A note from MasenVixen

Let's start with the fangirling, shall we? The Cullen Campaign ("TCC") is the smartest, most clever fic either of us have read, well, ever. There's just so much to love: The witty banter. The sexual tension. The scrumptious lemons. And Edward. Oh God, Edward. Nothing makes two lawyers like us twitch more than an Edward Cullen who cites Supreme Court cases one minute and fucks Bella against a bathroom wall the next. We could go on and on about the hot-as-fuck one-liners, and we could geek out for hours analyzing the legal and political discussions woven through the story. Instead, we'll put our mutual squeeing on hold long enough to ask the lovely Belladonna1472 a few questions:

V: How would you describe TCC to someone who hasn't read it?

B: I think the most common explanation is that it's The West Wing meets Twilight. If you want political banter with your B and E, then TCC is the place to go. Am I as witty as Aaron Sorkin (creator of TWW)? I don't know about that. But TCC is a comedy, a light-hearted story that's not supposed to be taken too seriously. There's no political agenda. Just Democrat Edward and Republican Bella in a star-crossed lovers type situation.

M: How did you end up with such an interest and expertise in American politics?

B: It was my specialty in my liberal arts degree, and I eventually revisited the subject. I think I'm intrigued by the system and the ideologies behind it; it's interesting to look at both concept and reality. Constitutional Law is obviously important when it comes to analyzing how certain democracies work, or are supposed to work. That link between politics and law is something that really captures my attention - in TCC, I tried not to delve too much into the politics of the First Amendment, but yeah, there's a lot of passionate commentary out there from both liberals and conservatives.

V: "The Lemon Test" is, without a doubt, the best name ever for a fic chapter. How instrumental was Lemon v. Kurtzman (i.e., a Supreme Court case about freedom of religion) to your early conceptualization of TCC, and were you worried that it wouldn't resonate with your non-lawyer readers?

M: Allow me to add that I texted V as we both read the fic at the same time. My text was like "The LEMON test? Are you KIDDING me?? Best Chapter name EVER."

B: It was literally what started TCC. I studied Lemon before I came across the fandom, so when I learned what 'lemon' meant in fic, I was like "wouldn't it be funny to write something on that?" And then I thought "yeah, right, because the Establishment Clause is frickin' hilarious." *snort* So I sat on the idea for awhile. Then one day I was craving The West Wing because my friend had borrowed all seven seasons from me and hadn't given them back after a year and two months. I mean, he went and bought his own DVDs, yet still hadn't returned mine. I got frustrated and decided to write some banter. I don't use my education at work, so it was refreshing to write intellectual humor!

I honestly wasn't worried about the legalese until Chapter 7, when I introduced Salazar v. Buono. My objective with the opening chapters was to show that B and E were smart instead of just saying "they're smart." I tried to make the opening Lemon references as accessible as possible without dumbing it down too much. With Salazar, I started to worry that I was going to bore people to death. I mean, there were cert grants and jurisdictional issues and reversionary property interests. At the end of the day, however, people can read around the Lemon discussions if they want to. And a lot of people do. That's cool with me. But I think it's important not to apologize for writing a smart fic.

M: I love that answer because I was wondering the same thing about readers. You do an amazing job of combining humor and UST in Edward and Bella's smart banter about real legal nuances. I bet you have educated a lot of readers about the US political and legal systems.

B: Aw, thanks. Who says twific can't be educational?

V: On that note, can you describe your writing process? Are your prereaders/betas politically- or legally-minded?

B: I have a strange writing process. Sometimes the banter comes first and the chapter is easily written around it. Other times, it's the reverse. Sometimes my betas send the chapter back with a note saying "this isn't quite right" or "how about some humor here?" Some of the best lines have been inserted after my second-run, Kristen Lynn, has already looked at it and smoothed out the rest of the chapter.

Interestingly, even though I have an overarching plan, sometimes my drafts are not quite right. In fact, sometimes my first-run beta, moonlightdreamer333, has to deal with multiple versions of the same chapter, like it's 'choose your own TCC adventure!' My two betas help me with plot and humor (and lemons), and then the pre-readers (JESSICA0306 and ColourmeCullen) sign off on it. Some of my typos have been ridiculous, like the time I accidentally wrote in Laurent instead of Lauren.

I write best late at night, sometimes with a DVD on in the background. These days I'm usually watching 30 Rock. If I need to get into a conservative state of mind, Fox News helps. If I'm writing liberal humor, Jon Stewart is pretty inspiring. Random conversations and tweets can also spark banter ideas. I think it's important to have fresh humor, and to make regular things hilarious. I'm probably running out of federal agencies to use in chapters - I should pace myself!

I think it's important to trust your betas, and have betas that tell you the truth. The TCC beta/pre-reader team is pretty well-balanced politically. Both my betas are equal opportunity jokesters in that they routinely suggest jibes that target either side of the political aisle. Aren't they great?

V: In so many fics, ours included, the sexual tension between Edward and Bella is left unresolved for several chapters. (You know the ones. . .where you're just like, "will they just fucking fuck already?") In a move that is wonderfully refreshing and works so well for your characters (M: HOLY HELL DOES IT EVER WORK. UNF. BRB rereading The Lemon Test), TCC takes the opposite approach. Why?

B: I thought it would be irritating to have chapter after chapter of suggestive banter without anything happening. I was impatient with these two. They were always going to fuck that soon. Haha. UST is only funny for so long. After that, it's all about resolving it again!

M: Hear, hear! We love us a smart Bella who is a match for Edward mentally as well as sexually. Your Bella is smart, successful, and a --*gasp* -- non-virgin. Do you identify with her? Do your readers?

B: Personality-wise, I'm probably closer to Edward in that I'm not that ambitious. But there are definitely times when I identify with Bella, especially when I feel snarky.

I wanted to write a confident Bella. There are a lot of stories that I love where Bella doesn't match Edward mentally or sexually, but in this case the banter really requires them to match. A lot of readers have responded to the fact that Bella can hold her own - she's not afraid to try and get what she wants. Canon Bella sometimes irritated me in that she kind of lacked a backbone. Strong, confident women aren't necessarily bitches; it's okay to have a bit of an attitude sometimes!

V: Do you know how the story will end? How many more chapters?

B: I do know how the story will end. There are 10-12 chapters left, so we're into the final third!

V: Like us, you're a "ninja" fic writer--meaning that your fic identity is secret and separate from the rest of the world. How do you balance your fic life with real life? Do you, like us, downplay the Twilight obsession when cavorting with stuffy lawyer-types?

B: There's time for fic and then there's time for RL. I know, how profound. They should quote me on refrigerator magnets and motivational posters.

I work part-time at the moment, so that makes the balance easier. Sometimes I'll get distracted at work because of fic, but no one's going to die/sue/laugh/vomit if I don't get enough work done.

There's no Twilight talk when I cavort with my lawyer friends. Cavorting takes concentration, and Edward Cullen is distracting. But I am quite ninja in that I ask my lawyer friends about political-related stuff without telling them why. Like when I asked one of my best guy friends -who interned for a Senate Republican a few years back -whether the Senate cafeteria sucked. Yeah, even ham sandwich jokes take research, you know.

M: Your characters are smart, sexy and (a rarity in fic) funny. Are you funny in real life?

B: God, I hope so. Otherwise everyone is laughing at me instead of with me.

V: When did you read Twilight? Did you jump in headfirst, or were you initially resistant?

B: I ignored the whole Twilight phenomenon until a little after the first movie opened. The reason Edward is traveling to Boston at the beginning of TCC is because that's where I first started reading the book. I needed something to read for my flight to LA, so I went to the book shop in the terminal. The sales guy would not let me leave until I bought Twilight. I'm serious. He would've tackled me to the ground had I tried to walk out on him. He said it was going to be the best thing that would ever happen to me (he said it was "so bad, it's good"). We then had a ten minute debate on whether I actually needed the film tie-in paperback that came with a pull-out poster. I won that debate, insisting I didn't need a poster of these over-photoshopped vampires. He said I'd regret it. Jury is still out on that one...but I'm not sure whether they were given directions to ever return a verdict.

Anyway, I was glad I bought the book. The flight was suddenly delayed after we'd already boarded. And American Airlines being American Airlines, they actually thought we'd be appeased if they showed the in-flight movie. Nights in Rodanthe. We were grounded on the tarmac and they thought showing us a Richard Gere movie was going to make us feel better. Seriously? The screen closest to me had something wrong with the color balance. So Richard Gere was purple and green. How did I even wait until Chapter 19 to complain about his movies?

*breathes in and out of a paper bag*

Sorry, where was I?

Yeah, I read the book on the plane.

V: Did you go looking for fic, or did it find you? And how long after reading fic did you decide to write it?

B: Breaking Dawn was a let down. Was she trying to win a crack fic challenge or what? I didn't go looking for a BD alternative, but I did do a general fic rec search. I read Wide Awake and I was sold like a $10 shirt at a sample sale. And that $10 came from returning Breaking Dawn, because we consumers should not have to put up with faulty goods. What the hell ever happened to quality control? Are you listening Little, Brown & Company? More like Little Brain & Company.

Douches.

M: I totally agree with you about BD. (Did you really return it?? If so, you are my new hero.)

B: No, I didn't return it. It makes for a good door stop, you know. Or paperweight. It's probably not good to have a rage-inducing paperweight on your desk though. Let's stick with the doorstop. At least that way, it's in an ideal place to kick it. Just don't stub your toe on it - it's already caused so much pain.

V: What are your fandom/fic pet peeves?

B: Pointless drama in the fandom. We don't all have to be best friends, but we should respect each other.

I don't think I have specific fic pet peeves, but I can't stand it when something hasn't been beta'd properly. Or at all.

M: Tell us about your process for writing lemons. In part because of the fantastically USTy nature of the relationship you've created between these two, yours are particularly hot. Does it come naturally to you or are they harder to write than the rest of the prose?

B: Chapter 4 on the train was the second lemon that I ever wrote (my first lemon was Carlisle/Bella in a one-shot I published under a different penname...and should probably pull.) Anyway, I didn't feel any pressure with that train chapter. I just wrote it. Then from then on, I started to really realize how difficult lemon writing can be. Chapter 9 had to be rewritten a number of times. Chapter 13 was my first time writing a male POV lemon. It is so much harder than writing regular prose - you could totally write a lemon that works in isolation but doesn't fit the feel of the story. My second-run beta, Kristen, is the genius who works with me to perfect everyTCC lemon chapter. You should see some of our chat transcripts, haha. She's truly a savior.

If you told me tomorrow that I was suddenly banned from writing lemons for a month or something, I think I would only be mildly upset. I don't know how people can regularly churn out lemons without getting anxious. And I'm not sure I could ever write another multi-chap with lemons as graphic as TCC. I'd always be worried that they would pale in comparison.

Actually, I just finished my entry for The Cherry Exchange. And while it was so weird to write an inexperienced B and E, it was a refreshing change. I popped my cherry-writing cherry. Haha.

V: Have you made friends in the Twi community? What fellow authors inspire you?

B: I've made great friends in this fandom! My betas and pre-readers are especially awesome. I don't have the room to give a shoutout to everyone, but I'm really glad I've met so many creative and supportive people. Kassiah stumbled the first fic I ever started writing, and she was very supportive. That gave me the confidence to start TCC. Oh, and I must thank WriteOnTime for supporting the cause of smart fic. She was instrumental in helping TCC gain more readers! I'm so grateful to everyone who has promoted TCC - it means so much to me. And I have to thank jennde for helping me with something different I wrote recently - I'm trying to push myself beyond my writing comfort zone.

M: Do you have any recs for us?

B: Oh gosh, I wish I had more time to read. Here's what comes to mind:

I was recently a judge for the In the Closet Contest, and I really liked The Kinsey Scale by Pastiche Pen.

I was also a judge for the Love Lost Contest. There were a lot of great entries, but I especially enjoyed Losing Faith, Losing You by rags88.

I'm also dying to catch up on The Cannabean Betrothal by ItzMegan73, and need (times a million) to finish the recently completed The Blessing and the Curse by The Black Arrow. And lastly, my fave crack fic of all time is I Wanna Eff You Like a Masochistic Lion by Feisty Y. Beden, Philadelphic and Nelson Smandela.

M: V and I both *adore* The Blessing and The Curse with a fiery burning white-hot passion (so, yes, you need to finish rtfn). And IWEYLaML is total, pure, unadulterated WIN. Will definitely have to check out the others!

B: And I will definitely be reading Stranger Than Fiction soon!

Fun stuff

Have you ever made a man beg for sex? Have YOU ever begged a man for sex?

No to the former. As for the latter...no. Although, if a guy was as hot as Rob, maybe I would. Somehow I think the real Rob would just blush and feel awkward. Nawww.

What's your UN-sexiest pair of pajamas?

I actually first read this question as "What's your U.N. sexiest pair of pajamas?" and thought "The United Nations is sexy? That's news to me." I think there's something wrong with my brain.

Anyway, I suppose I can't count short-shorts, so I'll have to say it's this pair I have that is covered in little ski-resort inspired cartoons. It's like Aspen meets flannel. Typically, this could be sexy. Think ski cabin, apres-ski wear, hot guy, warm fire. But the closest I've been to skiing is when I went snow-tubing in New Hampshire last year. Snow-tubing sounds like a dirty word, but it really isn't that sexy. Oh wait...stuck in a hole and you fall over the edge...yeah, I guess it could be dirty.

If you could have sex in someone else's car, whose would it be?

Going with the U.N. theme, maybe it should be in a diplomat's car. Because then there would be those little flags on the front of the vehicle, and presumably a bodyguard of some sort who can stand guard outside. Plus, if there was any indecent exposure, you could claim diplomatic immunity.

Favorite "smart" magazine?

I'm not sure if this really counts, but I'm going with Vanity Fair. There's style with the substance there. Although, I have read some good, smart articles in GQ and The New Yorker this year.

Favorite trashy magazine?

I actually hate tabloids most of the time. Sometimes the stories are legitimate, but otherwise they're just insulting our intelligence with their made-up drivel. But if I had to name a guilty pleasure, it would be Cosmopolitan. It's only trashy in a relative sense.

Most embarrassing CD you ever listened to over and over

Without a doubt, Middle of Nowhere by Hanson. I thought they were so awesome back in the day. MmmBop, Where's the Love...that was the shit. I used to have arguments with my cousin because she was a Backstreet Boys fan. Anyway, eventually I moved onto my *NSYNC phase (I'm sure everyone went through such a phase), therefore becoming much more sane. *nods* I personally do not resent Justin Timberlake's solo career for making it impossible for *NSYNC to continue. I love Justin. And I can still see JC on America's Best Dance Crew. So all is well.

Most played song on your iPod right now

Teenage Dream by Katy Perry, and Alejandro by Lady Gaga. I'm not sure what that says about me. Please don't analyze! Lol.

Ever trust a politician?

Actually, no, not really. But while I've met a few, I've only ever really known student politicians. Plus, there's a difference between trusting someone to carry out their policies and trusting someone to hold your purse while you vomit in a rosebush. I think most politicians would be okay with the latter. They might be tempted run off with your purse because they're low on campaign funds, but they probably won't, considering that might lose them votes. Just saying.

3 Interesting (or not-so-interesting) random facts about yourself

1. I don't drink for medical reasons. So if you ever want to buy me a drink, buy me a diet soda or a juice.

2. I skipped seventh grade.

3. At a U.S. Consulate function in 2004, the Secret Service agent at the door laughed at my I.D. photo. It was a bad photo. He still let me in, though.

Jake: Love him, Hate him, or Tolerate him?

I totally hated him in the books. I felt that friendship was forced. I didn't mind him in BD, but you already know my thoughts on that book. In the movies, however, I definitely warmed to him (that's not a pun, for once.) Maybe it's because I could see how much he cared about Bella. Props to Taylor Lautner - I'm happy to tolerate Jake in the movies.

Part of the reason I swapped Jasper for Jake in TCC is because I wanted Edward and Jake to be friends for once, brothers even. I'm happy with that decision. I think there's something great about having Jake as Edward's wingman.

Your personal aphrodisiac?

A good dessert, I think. Chocolate mousse. Creme brulee. Tiramisu. Ice-cream (pistachio is my favorite flavor.)

Peas or carrots?

I'm going to have to go with peas. I'm not a very good cook, so frozen peas are doable. Raw carrots sometimes make my mouth feel all tingly, like an allergy or something. Yes, I'm weird. If you want to torture me, feed me raw carrots. Even chopping them up into smaller pieces and smearing cream cheese or dip on top still won't do it for me. Yep, it's a dealbreaker.

Review/Push: Countdown to Halloween II

2010-10-15T12:29:00.002-04:00

The Story: Countdown to Halloween II One Haunted Hallows Eve

The Author: Multiple/Anonymous

The Status: WIP

The Rating: M

The Summary: A one shot each day, by a different author, with your fav characters. All lemony and spookish and geared to get your month of October off to a good start each day. Followed by one massive fic- written by 31 authors...

The Review: In the spirit of the approaching holiday, I decided to check this collaboration out. The prompt was that a ghost had to be part of the story.

Do you like to trick or treat? That is what I liken this to. Instead of going house to house dressed up in your best costume & begging for something yummy, you just have to open your computer each day. So far, most have been very sweet and a couple made me teary-eyed. One even gave me goosebumps and scared the bejeesus out of me! Never fear my little pumpkins, there are lots of lemon-tastic goodies to be had.

On Halloween, a story that has been concocted by all the participants will be done brewing and served to all the guests. To cap off the party, the authors will be unmasked. Meanwhile, figuring out which writer is which is a bit like finding your way through a corn maze. Good luck!

Check Out The Cherry Exchange Contest by a new affilitiate

2010-10-13T23:40:00.000-04:00

The Cherry Exchange Contest

Or visit the affilitate link on the sidebar. There is a great panel of judges for this contest and it looks like it could be very exciting. So put the lemons aside and focus on those cherries.

Shroud Chapter Six - Origins

2010-10-13T13:42:00.001-04:00

Disclaimer: Shroud is a Twilight fan fiction, intended solely for the enjoyment of the readers. No copyright infringements are intended. Any original story directions and plot lines herein are the property of the author.
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A huge thank you to my beta ForksPixie and my pre-reader DreamsOfEdward.
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A/N: Please take note of the M rating. Although nothing has been changed from canon, there are topics of discussion and future leg hitches that may not be suitable for younger readers.
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ORIGINS

Journal Entry - May 13, 1936

Today, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and I went hunting in the area surrounding our new home of Hoquiam, Washington. The area is so different from Rochester. Here it rains almost constantly and the sky is hidden from overgrowth of, everything. There are trees larger than any I have ever seen or imagined and moss and ferns grow everywhere. The abundant overgrowth is ideal feeding grounds for animals like the red-tailed deer and cougars. There is plenty to eat, even for a coven as large as ours.

We have been here for three months and haven't encountered any problems, acclimating nicely to the local area. We have even begun to attend a local school – Rosalie and I. Emmett is still too new to this life to risk being in such close proximity to so many humans on a daily basis. I am anxious for the day when he can attend school with us so I have a break from Rosalie. She hates going to school, mostly because it keeps her from Emmett. The two of them cannot keep their hands off one another. Carlisle and Esme have great love for one another and I know they have physical relations, but Emmett and Rosalie are without scruples. They have broken much of the furniture we brought with us from Rochester and Esme is constantly re-decorating because of that. The torture of never being able to sleep is that I must occupy my time, with my books and the arts all the while being serenaded by their cries of love and passion. I admit I am a bit jealous, lonely even. We are now a family of five and I am frequently the odd one out, though Carlisle and Esme try to re-assure me that that is not the case. I am certain it is because they both fear my leaving again. Compared to the life I led on my own, the one I have with my family is one of luxury and I have no desire to leave again. However, I wish I had someone to share things with – music, literature, the beauty of the Olympic Peninsula. I wish I had a mate.

Today, while we were hunting in the forest near the coastline north of Hoquiam we came across a tribe of Native Americans – the Quileutes.

While we were distracted by feeding on several deer, members of the tribe came upon us. Communication was not easy since none of us spoke their tribal language and they spoke very little English. However, Carlisle managed to keep the situation calm and managed to communicate through hand signals, gestures and simple English words.

The tribal elder, Ephraim Black indicated that we were hunting on their tribal lands and they knew we were different than other white men. Carlisle assured them we meant them no harm and were only interested in the wildlife. However, Ephraim was not comfortable with our presence and asked that we stay away from the area near the coastline and their village, drawing a line in the sand to show Carlisle where we should hunt.

Ephraim Black also told Carlisle, and the rest of us, that we were free to hunt, on our side of the line. If we crossed into their lands again, they would have no choice, but to defend their territory. Also, if we worked our magic on any of their tribe or nearby humans the Quileutes would have no choice, but to destroy us. We said we understood and would agree to a treaty.

Carlisle was such a good example for each of us to try to live by. He was peaceful and wanted only to try to live in the human world that was unceremoniously ripped from each of us.

After shaking hands with the members of the tribe, their sweltering body heat against our ice cold skin, the forces of fire and ice came together for a brief moment, to agree to co-exist.

EC

"Come on, Edward!" Emmett yelled from outside my bedroom door. "Stop reminiscing and get your ass moving. We need to hunt and, maybe, we will run in to the red head."

We would never get so lucky. Emmett clearly had no idea just how evasive Victoria could be. She would not cross our paths unless that is precisely what she wanted to happen. None the less, we needed to hunt and I hadn't really spent much quality time with my brothers since I came back from Italy. Since then, Bella had absolutely been my priority and every moment I could spend with her I did and I truly hated leaving her this weekend, but I would make it as quick as possible. As much as I hated the idea of Carlisle changing her after graduation I really did want her with me, always, and I would probably end up giving in to her if I couldn't get her to meet my compromise soon. I needed her. The day I stepped in to the sun in Italy and she jumped into my arms to save my life, I was reborn and just having her near me was as vital to me as the blood I needed to drink to survive. Before Bella, before I thought she died, I took for granted every day and merely existed. Now I lived, as much as that was possible. She breathed life into me.

I closed the journal and put it back on the shelf. I realized that if you lived forever, everything came full circle. That day we met with Ephraim Black led me right back to the Pacific Northwest and to Bella.

"Don't worry, Edward," Alice smiled as I came down the stairs. "I will stay close and I will watch out for Bella. She is safe."

"I wouldn't go away if I didn't trust you, little sister," I said, hugging her before I ran out the back door with Jasper and Emmett, off to the east, past the river.

We hunted fairly close to home, spending our day in the Hoh Rainforest where the Roosevelt Elk were abundant. Being a nature preserve the elk were thick and made a quick and easy meal. Emmett bagged an eight point buck. Jasper and I each got a six pointer. We drained them quickly and hid the bodies beneath some massive downed cedars where the moss and ferns and overgrowth that blanketed the area would quickly overtake them.

We ran deeper into the thickness of the rain-forest and sat on the ground beneath the towering canopy. I looked up to the slivers of sky that peeked through and could see it was raining, but no drops ever made it to the ground, being absorbed by the rain-forest.

"I can't wait for Victoria to come back around," Emmett said, punching a tree with his fist. The tree was so massive it didn't fall over, but it now had a significant hole in it. "I want to rip her to pieces just like James."

"Emmett, the time will come," Jasper said calmly. "But right now we need to focus on protecting Bella. If we focus on Bella, Victoria will show up eventually. If we focus on Victoria, she can slip through our fingers and get to Bella."

Emmett relaxed and sat down, leaning against a downed tree covered in moss, as though it were a pillow.

We sat quietly for a couple of hours, just thinking and enjoying the rain-forest. Emmett kept thinking about a fight and, as usual, Rosalie. Jasper was more determined, plotting and planning strategies.

"Can I talk to you guys, in all seriousness?" I asked.

Emmett sat up immediately with a wide grin on his face. He was anxious to give me a hard time without even knowing what I was asking for.

"I mean it Emmett, serious," I reiterated.

"Sure, Edward," Jasper said. "That's what we are here for. We are brothers."

"I really don't want Bella to have Carlisle change her after graduation," I started. "I would prefer she wait, but if she won't I have to convince her that marrying me is the right thing to do. I will do it for her, against my better judgment, because I love her more than anything and want to make her happy and keep her in my life. But I will not do it if we are not married. There are so many things I have done wrong in this life and this is within my power to get it right, to do the right thing by her. I need her to understand that I am not trying to be difficult, but trying to show her how deep my love and commitment is for her. I honestly don't know enough about the way a woman's mind work and I don't know how to go about this. So I need your advice."

Both of my brothers chuckled. Here I was, the brother who was well-versed in so many areas and, arguably, the most learned of the group, with the exception of Carlisle. Of course that came from decades of having no one to spend all of my free time with. I spent my time with books. Emmett and Jasper spent their time exploring love.

"First of all, Edward," Jasper said. "I don't think that you can know the way a woman's mind works, whether you can read it or not. I mean, you read Rosalie and Alice's minds and if that doesn't give you a better understanding, I doubt that you will ever have one."

"Fair enough," I said. "But how do I convince her that marriage is not something to be fearful of? How do I convince her that when I say forever, I mean forever, for eternity?"

"I would suggest down on one knee, with a ring," Emmett laughed.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. Why did I ever think these two would be of any help to me?

"Seriously, Edward," Jasper said, placing his hand on my back for support. "Just speak with your heart. Don't try to convince her or tell her what is right or that she is wrong. You want her to make this decision on her own. Just open up and be honest. Tell her what is in your heart, not in your head. She loves you. I have no doubt about that. Had she not loved you she wouldn't have jumped on a plane and rushed to Italy to save you. And remember, she is just eighteen. To an eighteen year old who has not had the experiences each of us has had, marriage has to be a frightening prospect -."

I interrupted him. "More frightening than becoming a vampire?"

"Certainly," Jasper said. "Being a vampire is easy. You are thirsty and you hunt. Being a husband or a wife is so much more complicated. You have to make every decision with the other person in mind and you are taking care of them as well as yourself. It's a lot Edward."

"What you need, is some alone time, if you know what I mean," Emmett said, wiggling his eyebrows.

I glared at him and let out a low growl.

"Unless of course, you already have," he taunted.

"Of course I haven't," I asserted. "I respect her and I respect her virginity. I also respect mine. I have been a virgin for 109 years. I plan to make it special and monumental when I do give that away. I want to give that to Bella, as a gift -."

Emmett interrupted me with raucous laughter. "Seriously, Edward. You need to get laid."

"Emmett, please respect where he is coming from," Jasper said.

"You had Rosalie from the start," I said. "I have waited forever for Bella and something has brought us together. I think when we give ourselves completely to each other, it should be very special and, to me, that means our wedding night."

"Do you even know what to do?" Emmett chided me.

"I think listening to the six of you for decades has given me a pretty good idea," I answered.

"It's not always like that Edward," Jasper said. "It's not always wild and animalistic. Actually, when it is slow and romantic and you take the time to touch and feel and kiss every inch of her body and she returns that favor to you is the most sensual thing."

I guess I was getting my payback for not warning Bella of the sex-talk she got from Charlie. Now my brother's were schooling me.

"Yeah, Edward. It's not just about getting in her pants and making her cum."

"Emmett!" I said, appalled to hear his words.

"Just shut up and listen brother. You will thank me later," he said.

"Especially the first time, take your time with her. Ask her what feels good or bad and do things accordingly. You don't even have to…have 'intercourse'. Use your mouth. Use your hands. Explore her body. If you think she smells good now, wait until you go down on her."

"Seriously, Emmett, there are better ways to say these things," Jasper said. "You are embarrassing him."

"Well, better he is embarrassed now than when Bella expects him to make love to her the first time."

"I think I get the idea guys," I sighed, hanging my head in embarrassment, wanting the moment to end.

"Okay, well, you know where we are if you need us," Emmett laughed.

"Yeah, making love to my sisters," I said with heavy sarcasm.

"Ew," Jasper said. "That just doesn't sound right."

He paused for a moment and we all eyed another herd of Elk. If we got one more kill in we could be done for the day and I could get back to Bella. I was sure she was bored out of her mind with Charlie fishing and me hunting.

"The most important thing to remember Edward is to do everything with love," Jasper said. "Talk to her with love. Listen with love. Touch with love."

"Thank you, Jasper. I think that is the best advice of the day," I smiled then looked at Emmett. "No offense."

Just as we were about to go in for our second kill of the day my phone began to vibrate. It was Alice. If Alice was calling me while I was hunting I knew it was important. I stopped in my tracks and took my phone out to answer.

"What's wrong Alice?"

"She disappeared," she said breathlessly.

"What do you mean she disappeared?" I asked frantically.

"It means I can't see her," she answered.

"Why weren't you watching her more closely?" I demanded. "Is it Victoria? The Volturi? Tell me now!"

"She went to work Edward and when I knew she made it there I went hunting nearby then I didn't see her go to Angela's. I saw her driving towards…La Push."

Alice sounded sincerely apologetic, but that did not change what had happened and I had, once again, failed Bella. I promised to keep her safe and keep my eye on her. It seemed as though she had made a last minute decision to go to the reservation and I knew being with the werewolves was not a safe place to be.

"Damnit!" I yelled, slamming the phone shut.

I could feel Jasper trying to calm me, but my rage was too intense. I wanted to get to her right away. I had to. I ran off, back towards Forks and for the house, to get the Volvo and go get Bella.

Alice met me at the front of the house, standing in front of the Volvo.

"Edward, please don't, do anything crazy," Alice pleaded, grasping my forearms with her hands.

"Crazy? Like let Bella out of my sight?" I asked harshly. I know she didn't mean for Bella to go to the reservation, but I was angry that she hadn't taken her responsibilities more seriously.

That's not fair, Edward, she pouted, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Well, if you don't mind, keep an eye on her house and Charlie," I said sternly. "I am going to get her back."

As I said that and reached for the door of the Volvo, Carlisle was at my side, with his hand on my shoulder.

"Son, think first," he pleaded. "You cannot cross the boundary into La Push or we will be in violation of the treaty we created. You cannot endanger us all on a whim."

"A whim?" I asked in frustration. "Bella is in danger and I have no choice."

"You always have a choice, Edward," he replied. "As does Bella. She is aware of the dangers and she made the choice to go. You know she is in no real danger. Despite what you think, she is a strong woman – strong enough to manage without you looking after her twenty four hours a day."

His words calmed me if only slightly. Alice's eyes were pleading with me and by that time, Esme and Rosalie were on the porch and Emmett and Jasper had caught up with me.

There wasn't a thought to be heard among any of them, not even Rosalie.

I looked at each of them and saw the pain in their eyes. They were fearful our lives would be turned upside down again, once again by my knee-jerk reactions. I had to think. I had to think of them and I had to think about Bella.

"I promise to try not to cross the treaty line," I said, opening the Volvo door.

"Edward, you must promise us you will not cross the treaty line or we all have to go with you," Carlisle said. "If you insist on going after Bella then we will go after you both."

After what seemed like an extended period of silence Alice spoke.

"He won't cross the treaty line," she said softly, almost as if to reassure me as much as anyone else.

"Well, thank God for that," Rosalie said, turning to go back in to the house, slamming the door behind her, causing the windows on the front of the house to shake.

"I am going to go after her, but I will not cross the treaty line unless I am absolutely certain she is in eminent danger," I promised.

With that, each of them backed away from the Volvo and I peeled out down the gravel driveway, back to the main road and headed for La Push.

I truly wished Jacob Black was a non-issue. I had enough things to protect Bella from without having to worry about a love-sick pup that didn't know when to walk away. It was coming to the point that I was going to have to make Jacob understand that Bella was not his to do with as he chose.

I drove straight to the treaty line and slammed on the brakes, inches from crossing the line. I made a promise to my family and I had to do everything in my power to keep my word, to them as well as Bella. I backed up and parked on a gravel access road near the line and watched intently, waiting for her to come back to me.

I waited for what seemed like an eternity and saw nothing so I got out of the car and ran the tree line, trying, hoping to see something, but I saw nothing and worried I would miss her back at the road if I lingered any longer.

As I sat in the car, waiting impatiently for her, I realized I had my journal in the car. I had been writing in it at Bella's house after she fell asleep. I had to get my feelings out or I was going to explode and make a choice I might regret.

May 25, 2006

I am seething with anger and rage, all formed out of love. I have never before understood how closely the two emotions were tied. It seems the harder I try to protect Bella, the harder she tries to undermine me. Perhaps I need to try reverse psychology, because this girl has wrapped me so tightly around her heart that I feel as though I might snap like a rubber band at anytime. I am at a total loss as to how to convince her that everything I do is for her and out of love, out of concern for her. The harder I push, the harder she pushes. The more she pushes, the more I love her and I feel I am in a desperate cycle that has to end one way or another.

It was simple. I had been reasonable enough with her and clearly reason did not work on Bella so I would make demands instead of compromises. There would be no more visiting Jacob Black. Period.

EC

Just as I placed the journal back in my console I heard her ancient truck, chugging its way up the road from the reservation.

She passed the gravel road without a care in the world. I pulled out quickly and drove within inches of her bumper, asserting my presence. She never looked into the rearview mirror where I fixed my eyes, hoping to meet hers and see if there was a hint of remorse or regret in them. She never looked into the mirror, but I know she knew I was there. She brake-checked a few times going around the curve. Certainly she knew I was a better driver than that and regardless of how many careless maneuvers she made I would not falter.

I stayed on her tail until she pulled up in front of Angela Weber's house and I sped right past her, never stopping to say a word. I figured my silence spoke more than my angry words ever could. I needed the time to calm down to tell her my rules in a way she would clearly understand.

I parked the Volvo back at the house and ran back to the woods across from the Weber's and waited there. I was too far to hear their conversation so I was reduced to listening to Angela's thoughts. I knew it was wrong, but Bella crossed a line and if she refused to communicate properly with me I had to find alternate ways to get inside her head.

Thank goodness Bella finally came. I didn't want to go see the stupid movie.

I am so glad Edward and Bella are back together. She is like the old Bella again, happy. I was so worried she would never be the same again.

Bella is hiding something. She is smiling, but she is fidgety. She gets like this at school sometimes, when Edward isn't with her. I wonder if she wishes she were with him instead of me.

Jealous? I can't imagine Edward Cullen having to be jealous of anyone. If he only knew how she pined for him while he was away, how she was nothing without him. He would understand.

Oh, Jacob Black. Well, that makes sense. Maybe Edward is just now seeing how close he and Bella became while he was away.

Alaska? Oh no. How can Bella go so far away? I know it is for Edward, but I just got her back and she will be gone again.

I had heard enough, more than enough. Between Angela and Jacob's thoughts I was beginning to realize how deeply I had hurt Bella when I left. It was clear it had affected her more than I had thought, than just a school girl crush. I wondered if I could ever forgive myself.

Visions of Our Destiny - Chapter 11

2010-10-13T10:19:00.002-04:00

Disclaimer: Visions of Our Destiny is a Twilight fan fiction, intended solely for the enjoyment of the readers. No copyright infringements are intended. Any original story directions and plot lines herein are the property of the author.
A/N: A shout out to my beta & pre-readers. They keep me sane as I struggle through bringing you the best story possible: Thank you Kiva for your super-ninja-beta-skills - I love you hard and you make it all look good. A big tackle hug & sloppy kisses to BlkDiamndDarlin for her mad Jacksper expertise and I bow down to the princess of perv, Cullen Sistah for all her mad skills and a special drippy thank you for letting me bounce my ideas off of you and always having time for me – I love you.

Tied up in ancient history
I didn't believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling
What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
And it's brighter than sunshine
~ Brighter Than Sunshine, Aqualung ~

Bella

Jasper and I eventually, although reluctantly, detangled ourselves from each other's arms. He seemed to feel, that after so long a wait, the forest floor was not the place for us to consummate our relationship. But the love and the lust that continued to envelope us, was keeping my head in a constant haze – I could care less where we were. I just needed him in every way.
He laughed when I groaned in protest as he rose to his feet. "Darlin'," he drawled, holding out his hand to help me stand. "I promise the wait will be worth it."

I took his hand and he pulled me flush against his body. His arms wrapped around my waist and we stared into each other's eyes, smiles on our faces. My hands snaked around his neck and I could not help but press my lips to his. My intentions were not to restart anything that would lead us back to where we were before, but I could not keep my hands or my lips away from this man. His tongue swiped gently across my bottom lip and I moaned as my mouth opened to allow him to deepen the kiss.
"I'm beginning to think that the forest floor is very cozy," I whispered as he traced kisses from behind my ear down my neck. "Who needs a bed?"
"Not us," he breathed in my ear. "We don't sleep."
"Exactly," I agreed, hoping that I was making progress in convincing him that there was no time like the present.
"But you see," he smirked, lifting his head from my neck to look into my eyes. "My plans for later include more than just a bed."
I whimpered at the implications of his words and he chuckled, slightly pulling away. "Let's go for another hunt?" He asked as he pushed a stray hair behind my ear. "Then we can start heading back towards the house."
I smiled and nodded as he took my hand in his and led us away from the spot that had changed my life forever, the place where I had fallen in love with my destiny. There on the forest floor, I had found the purpose of my new existence. I was meant to be changed so that I could find my way to him.

xxx

Our hunt was nothing like the first. Jasper no longer felt the need for space. We hunted side by side and took down our prey as a team. He suggested that I take on the herd from behind as he corralled them from the front. Together we each took down our own large elk and together quenched our thirst.
As I drank eagerly from my meal, I glanced over at Jasper. He too drank hungrily from his kill, a purr of contentment vibrated in his chest. I could not help but stare at the muscles that rippled on his arms as he gripped the animal in place between his strong legs. He was a splendor to behold and I was mesmerized by his magnificence. He caught me staring, or perhaps he was also taking a glance in my direction. He lifted his hand to my face, caressing my cheek with his thumb and then I was the one unable to control the purr that emanated from deep within my chest for the first time.
I sat on the ground and continued to watch him as he disposed of the carcasses and for the first time since we met, I was not feeling our shared emotions. Jasper was busy burying the elk and must have stopped projecting while he worked diligently to rid any evidence of our hunt. Not feeling the emotions that had surrounded us up until that point made me begin to question the reality of the moment. Is this all real? Could I have fallen in-love with this man after only four days and nights in his presence? I concentrated on my own feelings and the answer was 'yes'. In his arms I felt whole. In his eyes I saw deep into his soul and the pull between us was like a desperate longing that was only sated when we touched. I also knew that I was altered by his love. I had felt the magnitude of his feelings and I could not deny that they had affected me.
Knowing for certain the love we shared was real began to reawaken the fear that Aro would come for me. I started to panic. The possibility that I could be taken away, that I would have to leave Jasper and be forced into a life of servitude had me gasping for air. Before, I only cared about my own escape, my own self preservation, but now I had him to fear for. How was I going to be able to flee or even ask him to fight for me? How could I possibly put him in danger?
I didn't see him come to me. Jasper seemed to have appeared out of nowhere and was kneeling at my side. "Bella… Bella please…," he pleaded, but his voice sounded as though it were coming from very far away. "Let down your shield," his hands reached for me and, letting out a hiss, he pulled back as though he were being shocked. "I can't touch you."
My shield? What shield? "Jasper," I called to him, desperate to feel his arms around me. "What's happening?"
"You need to calm yourself, Bella and focus on your shield," he spoke slowly, but I could see the worry marked on his features and his eyes. "I can't feel you. Can you feel me?"
I shook my head. I felt anything but calm. Why couldn't he touch me? I was frantic and unsure of what I needed to do.
"You need to focus, sweetheart," he pleaded, sitting back on his heels. "I can hear a hum and see ripples in the air around you. Do you hear it? Do you see it?"
I stared at him, bewildered. I can only imagine the agony on my face as I tried in vain to see and hear what he described. I felt alone in my own skin even with Jasper at my side. The detachment reminded me of my change and I focused on what I had done while I burned to keep myself from screaming or moving when I was scared for my life.
My face must have shown my determination and Jasper gave me a small nod of encouragement. I withdrew into my own mind. In my mind I could separate myself from the situation, could retreat into a space outside of my own body and refocus on something other than the fear.
Once I was calm and knew that I was able to concentrate, I closed my eyes and listened carefully to the sound that surrounded me. Just as Jasper had said, I could hear the hum. It vibrated, reminding me of the sound of a swarm of bees from a distance. A light flickered behind my closed lids and I opened my eyes. I saw the air ripple around me like a current of energy that encircled my body.
I focused on the current around my hands, which were resting in my lap and saw how the ripple encased me, like a film that covered every inch of my skin. I slowly lifted my hand and concentrated on pulling in the shield. It worked and from there, I continued from my hands to the rest of my body. I pulled it all into the space in my mind. I knew then, that the place of refuge in my mind was the place of my control and my shield would be my defense from mental assault as well as any physical attack.
Before I could even begin to ponder further what had happened, I was in Jasper's arms. He held me tight against his chest, murmuring soothing words against my hair as he rocked me on his lap.
"I think I'm okay Jasper," I reassured him, but still clung to him for dear life.
"Fuck! You scared the shit out of me," he whisper-yelled and I couldn't help but giggle hysterically from the stress and from hearing him curse for the first time.

Jasper

I held Bella in my arms, rocking her back and forth. I didn't know if I was rocking her to comfort her or to comfort myself.
We had hunted side by side and I absorbed Bella's emotions, keeping mine in check. I wanted to feel her entirely and only her. She felt safe, without a hint of rivalry at feeding at my side. It was a sure sign of true mates and I was elated that we were sharing the experience. I glanced over to watch her and purred with contentment, catching her watching me and feeling her lust spike. I couldn't help but touch her face close to her mouth as she fed, holding back the urge to pull her towards me and lick the blood from her lips. She purred at my touch and every emotion she felt was bringing me to the brink of ecstasy.
When we were sated from our hunt, I gathered the carcasses and began to bury them. She sat comfortably on the ground with her arms wrapped around her bent knees. I smiled when I caught her staring again and she gave me a breath-taking smile in return. Her emotions were shifting at a rapid pace; curiosity, uncertainty, acceptance and then love. The love was what I held on to as I concluded from her feelings that she was questioning all that had happened between us in… only four days? Four days? Time meant nothing to a vampire. Four days were mere seconds in the scheme of forever. But since Bella had arrived, time seemed to have stood still, allowing us to be caught-up in our own world for a lifetime, not just for a few days.
I reluctantly turned my eyes from her to continue disposing of the evidence of our hunt. I was eager to get back to the house. I could only imagine the pixie at home bouncing and driving every one mad since we had made the decision to return. Thinking about Alice, I realized that Bella and I had not discussed our family in much detail. I needed to let Bella know that the family that awaited her at home had been anticipating her arrival just as I had been, especially Alice.
I was deep in thought with a boulder in my hands ready to place over the burial ground of the elk when it hit, sheer panic and then… nothing.
I sped to Bella's side, kneeling on the ground as I took in the sight before me. She was staring blindly at the space where I had been standing. The air rippled around her and a low hum vibrated in my ears. I called to her repeatedly, but she was entranced. No amount of yelling was bringing her out of her spell. I reached out to grab her and pull her out of the state she was in, when I was struck with an electrical current that ran through my fingers and up my arm, causing me to hiss and retreat. Her shield. I wanted to shake her, or simply hold her, but I could not get my arms around her. I tried continuously, but the shock made me pull away each time, like a reflex. "Bella… Bella please… let down your shield," I pleaded, still attempting to touch her without being able to keep my hand on her for more than a moment. "I can't touch you," I said disheartened. Then she turned to look at me.
She was unaware of the shield that enveloped her and I needed her to focus on bringing it down. I spoke slowly and tried to make her feel confident with my words when, the truth was, I felt anything but certain as to what she needed to do. I had the advantage of almost a century of training newborns, newborns that possessed one talent or another, but with Bella it was different - I was unable to feel her or calm her. And without the use of my gift I felt powerless. She needed to do it on her own and when I saw the look of determination on her face; I sat back on my heels, breathed a sigh of relief and silently encouraged her.
I was in awe of Bella as she pulled in her shield. I thought of Carlisle and how he was going to enjoy learning along with her the extent of her gift. I could only begin to imagine the ability she would possess once she had complete control and then I remembered another that would want that knowledge… Aro.
My mouth pooled with venom and I held back the growl that threatened to escape as unadulterated, rage surged within me. I was relieved that she was unable to sense me, and that I was unable to grab onto her, because anger poured out of me in waves. I was holding back the instinct to run with her and never look back. The soldier within me began to formulate a plan. The family needed to be involved, and perhaps even outside help, but Bella would never be another possession in the hands of the Volturi.
The instant I felt Bella's emotions again, I knew she was free. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my lap, holding her close. She seemed to have accepted what had occurred, but I was wrecked. I still needed to know what had caused her to manifest her shield, and how it worked, but we could discuss it all later. I was fighting my instincts and was ready to get her back home.

xxx

"Tell me about your family," she inquired as we walked hand-in-hand the last miles towards the house.
"Our family," I corrected.
"Tell me about our family," she said to appease me. I felt her conflict at considering the Cullens her family. She knew nothing about them and I needed to help rectify her lack of trust.
"I have to start by telling you, darlin'," I said squeezing her hand. "Our family has been lovin' you and anxiously awaiting your arrival as much as I have been."
I was pleased to feel her excitement spike. "What are they like?" She asked with a smile and squeezed my hand in return.
"Carlisle and Esme are the patriarchs of the family. Carlisle began this family and brought the others into his 'vegetarian' lifestyle. His choice to not feed on humans could be compared to your story; he chose not to be a monster. Esme, you will soon see, needs to mother and takes care of us all as her children; her love has no bounds."
"My brother, Emmett," I found myself smiling just thinking about my bear of a brother. "His love for his family compares only to his size. He says what he means and means what he says. So many people say one thing when they feel another, but with him, you will always know exactly how he feels and it's very easy to be around him.
"His wife, my sister, Rose had the hardest ending to her human life. That story is hers to tell, but it has affected her ability to trust. But when she accepts someone as her family, she is completely loyal and would fight to the end to defend who and what she loves. She has a tough exterior, but she's a marshmallow inside.
"Alice," I sighed her name, just thinking of her rocked me with emotion. "She is my best friend and she will be yours as well. She has seen you in her visions and you've been a part of her for the last sixty years. She has an exuberant personality and she can be a bit… overwhelming?" I laughed at my inability to properly describe Alice's personality. Bella would have to experience the pixie for herself. "But she loves with all her heart and thinks of the needs of others before her own.
"Edward, her mate, is an extraordinary man…," I paused, trying to find the right words to convey how I felt about my brother. "His gift is an advantage and a curse. He has the ability to hear the thoughts of others - except for yours," I said, winking at her. "He could use what he hears to his benefit and if he chose, he could share your most intimate thoughts, but instead he holds everyone's secrets. I can feel his sorrow and his remorse at having intruded into someone's personal thoughts and his discretion is nothing but admirable."
"You love them," she said softly.
"Yes," I agreed, stopping to turn to her before we leapt over the river. "And you will love them, too, once you get to know them, but first…," I smiled picking a leaf out of her hair. "Let's get ourselves cleaned up and have a little more time alone before we make all the introductions?"
She nodded, leaning in to press her soft lips to mine before taking a step back to gracefully leap over the river. I quickly followed behind her and ran the few feet to catch up with her on the other side.

Bella

"Look who finally found their way back home," Emmett boomed from the couch with a video controller in his hand.
"Looks like they were playing in the mud," Rosalie laughed from the floor at his feet.
"Don't tease them," Esme scolded as she made her way down the stairs. "Welcome home, Bella," she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug and I was compelled to hug her back. I hadn't realized until that moment how much I needed the comfort that comes from a motherly embrace.
"Thank you, Esme," I smiled as she stepped back. "You have a lovely home."
"We, dear," she corrected with a warm smile. "Now, how about I show you around the house and you can choose the room you like best."
"That wont be necessary, Esme," Jasper came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I'll give her the grand-tour after we get ourselves cleaned up," he said, placing a kiss on my neck. "Where is everyone else?"
"Carlisle is at the hospital," Esme answered, smiling broadly at Jasper's display of affection. "Edward and Alice went for a quick hunt. They should be back soon."
"Hospital?" I asked, confused. What would a vampire be doing at a hospital? Did he stock up on blood?
"Carlisle is Chief of Surgery at Forks General," Emmett answered, never taking his eyes from the game he was playing. "He's not stocking up on blood or anything."
I laughed as he answered my inner musings.
Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Don't encourage him," she smiled and winked in my direction before returning to thumb through Car and Driver Magazine.
"Ready for that shower I've been promising?" Jasper whispered seductively in my ear.
I bit my lip and nodded, afraid I'd whimper if I tried to respond with him so close.
"We'll see y'all in a bit," Jasper turned, taking hold of my hand and led us up the stairs.
We reached the second floor and turned right towards a set of closed doors. "This is my study and we can enter through a connecting door in our room," Jasper pointed out the first door we passed on our way down the hall.
"Our room?" I liked the sound of sharing a room with him, but we had not discussed my arrangements.
"Did you think we'd have separate rooms?" He laughed.
"I hadn't thought about it," I said, honestly.
"I have," he admitted, his laughter gone and his tone serious. "Do you like it?" He asked as he pulled me into our room.
What wasn't there to like? The room was contemporary with a southwestern elegance. The walls painted a soft desert-tone. Minimal art adorned the walls; a few pieces that I could only imagine were very old. The dark wood furniture was a mixture of contemporary pieces and rustic antiques. A large bed was the focal point of the room, with earth-colored bedding and large, fluffy pillows. The modern gas fireplace, set in a wall of river rocks, was directly across from the bed. A soft leather chaise sat catty-corner to the fireplace and a book lay open by the foot of the chaise. A sage rug with dark red and gold colored accents was placed before the fireplace that burned a soft light into the room. It was warm and inviting and I was unable to resist taking a few steps in to run my fingers along the edge of the antique, rustic bedside table.
"I take it you like it," Jasper smiled, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"I love it," I turned in his arms to face him, interlacing my fingers behind his neck. "It's absolutely beautiful."
"So…," he breathed, leaning down to place soft kisses on my cheek. "You wouldn't mind sharing the room with me?"
"It would be my pleasure."
"No, darlin', the pleasure is all mine," he drawled before kissing me deeply.
Closing my eyes, I was lost in the passion of our kiss. His tongue danced with mine as our hands were lost in the sensation of exploring each other's bodies. I could not keep my hands from roaming over the hard muscles of his back and shoulders; I wanted to touch every part of him. The tips of his fingers offered feather-like touches along the curve of my back and I moaned when his hands ran slowly down until they firmly reached the curve of my bottom and squeezed, pulling me closer to him.
We kissed for what seemed like hours, whispering our devotion to each other, relishing in holding the other in our arms. "I still can't believe you're here," he murmured, taking a moment to look into my eyes before feverishly kissing my mouth.
"I'm here," I assured him between kisses. "I'm yours."
"You're mine," he purred. "Let me show you what you mean to me… let me make love to you." He guided me backwards until my legs touched the bed. And we stood there breathing in our combined scents and feeling each other's passion as Jasper's gift ran free. We were lost in a haze of love, lust and devotion. His hand moved gradually up my ribs until he cupped my breast. His thumb rubbed my nipple through my clothes and I shuddered at his touch.
"Tell me you want me, Bella," he commanded. "I need to hear it."
"I want you, Jasper," I confessed. "Make love to me."
He pulled back from me slightly and grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling it over his head before dropping it on the floor at our feet. I was lost, staring as I took in the sight of his muscular chest, then lower to his stomach and the indentations that ran into the waist of his jeans that hung low on his hips. I licked my lips and my hands moved to touch his bare skin, I needed to feel him. My fingers ran over his chest, down to his stomach and back up again, relishing in the feel of his glorious body.
His hands cupped my face and he crushed his lips once again to mine for only a moment before he moved to rid me of my blouse, and with one finger, he sliced through the front of my black lace bra. "Beautiful…," he breathed as he slowly slid the bra off my shoulders. And I gasped when his mouth met my pebbled nipple and sucked it gently into his mouth.
With his hands on my hips, he urged me on the bed. I obliged, sliding back and sitting up slightly on my elbows to watch him as he began to remove my boots. "Hmm… these are fuck hot boots, Bella," he mumbled and I giggled, biting my lip. He was pulling down the zippers on the boots agonizingly slow, relishing in releasing my legs from the confines of the long leather by sliding his hands in and pushing them off my feet.
I continued to watch him as he kicked off his own boots and bent over slightly to pull off his socks before placing a bent knee on the bed to reach the button of my jeans. "And these jeans make your sexy legs… look miles long," his husky voice and slow movements were making me crazy and I was fighting the urge to take matters into my own hands and just tear the damn pants off.
I kicked the remains of my jeans and lace panties off my feet as he brought his other knee up on the bed between my legs, spreading my knees as he crawled over me with one hand on the bed. The other hand slid up over my leg, my thigh, then ghosted over my center, making my eyes flutter closed as I fell back on the bed with a moan. His hand continued a trail upward over my stomach and then cupped my breast, squeezing and kneading my nipple between his fingers as his mouth covered mine.
"Jasper?" I said against his lips.
"Yes, my darlin'," he breathed into my mouth, and for a moment I forgot what I was going to ask, kissing him with fervor. His Texas drawl alone was enough to turn me to mush in his arms.
"Why are you still wearing those jeans?" I asked once I regained my composure and I enunciated the point by rubbing my hand against his hard erection that was straining against the zipper of his pants.
"Why indeed…," And I immediately felt the loss of his body against mine and looked up to find him standing at the edge of the bed at my feet, completely naked before me.
He was beautiful. His erection stood at attention and I licked my lips, wanting to taste the wetness that glistened at the tip. I reached forward, crawling on my knees to wrap my hand around his length and I heard him let out a low growl when my tongue darted out to taste him. I stroked his length with my hand and drew circles around his head with my tongue while his hand stroked my hair, my neck, my shoulder until it reached lower to caress my breast. His other hand stroked my cheek as I moved to cover as much of his length as I could with my mouth.
"Oh… oh God, Bella…," he moaned and hearing his satisfaction pushed me to suck harder, hollowing my cheeks around him and guiding my mouth and tongue over him faster as my hand pumped him in time with my mouth.
"I need… uh… to taste you… oh… please lay back," he moaned and pulled away, causing me to release him with an audible pop. He guided me back on the bed with his hands on my shoulders and laid down beside me, kissing me softly, his hand in my hair. I reached over to put my arm around his neck to pull him closer with my fingers in his hair when he pulled away from our kiss. "I need you to know that if you taste as good as you smell I may not be in complete control of my gift… so hold on," he smirked, lowering his lips to move down my neck to my breast, blowing a cool breath against my nipple before sucking it into his mouth and circling the tip with his tongue. I was writhing against him, calling his name and trying to find the much-needed friction. I needed to feel him inside me. I couldn't wait much longer.
His mouth continued to pay my breast his undivided attention while his hand ran slowly down my stomach and stopped to cup my sex. I sighed with relief when he applied the slightest pressure, relieving the tension and effectively stopping me from twisting under him. His finger parted my lips and ran down slowly until he pushed into me, pumping in and out with his thumb circling my clit. "Mmm… you're so wet for me darlin'," he moaned, sliding lower until he was between my legs. I bent my knees and he rubbed my inner thigh with his other hand pushing my legs further apart. He gazed up to look at me and I saw his nostrils flare before he buried his face against my center. My head thrashed and I gripped the sheets when his tongue began to run circles around my clit.
My fingers weaved tightly in his hair and I screamed his name, arching my back when the feeling of pure lust hit me and held me motionless, unable to suck in a single breath.
"Breathe, Bella," he spoke against me.
"Jasper, please…," I couldn't take much more. I needed him inside me. I wanted to feel his body covering me and his lips on mine. "I can't take much more," I whimpered, tilting his head up to look at me. "I need you."
His eyes were dark as night, but I could see the love he felt as he smiled at me tenderly. "You're so… beautiful," he panted, moving up my body and I pushed my hips into his fingers that still moved inside me. "I can't wait to make you mine." And his words, that tangled with the combined love and lust that swirled around us, was enough to bring me to the edge. I could not hold out much more as my body began to tingle and lose control. I felt his hand leave me and I groaned at the loss of his touch only to be filled by him, crying out his name as he thrust into me – deep and hard, allowing me to be hit with wave after wave of pleasure as my climax overtook me.
"Yes, Bella… yes, come for me darlin'," he whispered at my ear in between thrusts. "I love you… I've needed you for so long… I'm never letting you go."
My legs planted on the bed, opened wider, willing him closer. I wrapped my arms around his back as he grabbed my hip and positioned himself more firmly between me to rock faster, harder, deeper and I was lost in an unending orgasm that left me unable to speak. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I knew my destiny was always in his arms and I was his and he was mine, but it was all too much as stars burst behind my closed lids and all I could feel was him.
"Oh… I'm coming." His movements became more erratic and he struggled to maintain his rhythm. "Oh God Bella," he roared, thrusting into me as he kissed me passionately, pulsing inside me as he came.

xxx

He rolled off of me, pulling me with him. My leg fell over his hips and I curled into his side. "Wow…" I breathed into his neck, unable to form a coherent thought. He chuckled, stroking my side slowly with his hand. "I have to agree with you," he said, punctuating his words with a kiss on my temple. "How about that shower?" He smiled and it was the most breathtaking sight.
"Mmm…," I hummed my agreement.
He took my hand, kissing me one more time as he led me towards the bathroom and then I stilled as a voice called from downstairs.
"Well, it's about time, we've been waiting for ever" Alice said, exasperated. "I can't wait to see you, Bella and I left you your clothes outside the door."

A/N: *blushes* There you have it folks, my first lemon ever. What do you think? I can't tell you how much I dreaded writing that and having it be a flop *winks* What do you think of Bella's gift? I have never wanted to hear back from you more than at the end of this chapter… talk to me & review.
Cullentinis have been poured and your glasses over flow. I toast to you all and that your happiness will only grow… Cheers!

Visions of Our Destiny - Chapter 10

2010-10-13T10:09:00.004-04:00

Disclaimer: Visions of Our Destiny is a Twilight fan fiction, intended solely for the enjoyment of the readers. No copyright infringements are intended. Any original story directions and plot lines herein are the property of the author.
A/N: Thank you huggles and kisses to Kiva for her beta magic, she rocks my world. Also, a great big shout-out to my pre-reader Cullen Sistah, thank you for not sending the men with the white coats and allowing me to talk to myself while being totally neurotic about this chapie.

I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin.
~ I'm Lost Without You, Blink-182

Bella

Jasper pulled me into a hug after I shared my story of being changed and my experiences at the hands of the Volturi. I didn't know if he was aware of the sadness he was projecting up until that point, but the moment I was in his arms his feelings changed and, in turn, so did mine. All I felt was relief coming from him and I too felt relief in his arms. It was the same feeling every time we touched. I had never been very expressive or comfortable sharing my life with anyone, but with Jasper, it was as if I needed him to know everything about me.

"Jasper?" I softly called to him, my face still pressed to his chest. The fingers of his right hand were tangled in my hair, while the other hand pressed against my lower back, holding me to him.
"Yes, darlin'," he answered, brushing his lips against my hair.
"What is this pull between us?" I lifted my face to look into his eyes, but I continued our closeness, never wanting to be out of the safety of his arms again.
Jasper looked deep into my eyes and I saw pure anguish in his expression before he composed himself. Then all I saw was determination.
"Before I answer your question, I need to tell you my story," he said, leading me by the hand as he guided me towards a nearby tree. "Let's sit this one out."
Jasper sat with his back against the tree and pulled me to sit between his legs. I leaned my back against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. He rested his chin on my shoulder, his cool breath blowing against the side of my face as I held my own breath, anticipating the shiver that would come when I heard his low voice at my ear.
"Bella, my story isn't pretty and I am ashamed of many things I've done. You spoke of monsters; well this may be the scariest tale yet. I was born in Texas," he began. "The year was 1843."
I sat, unmoving, as he shared the fading memories of his human life. He was a Major in the Confederate Army and I realized how young and naïve I was in contrast to his life experiences. He continued on to the night he had been approached by three female vampires that he had mistaken for damsels in distress. One of the three, Maria, had changed him without warning and I felt a deep sadness that, he too, had been brought to this life without a choice. I was grateful that Jasper continued to hold me to him in his strong arms as he recalled his newborn days at the hands of Maria. Anger bubbled up inside me and all I wanted to do was run in search of the fiend of a woman and tear her limb from limb.
Jasper continued to share the torture that he had been put through at the hands of Maria. She had convinced him that the existence he had been brought into was the only life for vampires, a life consisting of fighting and surviving. I knew he was holding back, but the little detail he did share made my dead-heart break. I began to cry and I felt tormented by my inability to shed tears for the man that held me so close in his arms.
"Maria realized I had a powerful gift that would be useful in conquering her objectives," Jasper said with sadness. "And I had become a minion that followed her every deceitful word."
A wave of understanding washed over me as thoughts of Volterra came to mind. I had asked myself, while in their presence, why the guard were so easily manipulated into doing the bidding of the three brothers sitting on their self-appointed thrones? They were, like Jasper, bound by deception and confused into believing they were loved.
We continued to sit under the tree, with Jasper's arms wrapped around me. The day had turned to night as he re-hashed his past. Jasper was tortured by his gift as he executed Maria's orders to dispose of the newborns that no longer held the strength she needed to fulfill her goals. He felt their shock, fear, pain and then their determination to survive as they fought him in their attempt to continue to exist. He was so engrossed in recalling his past and so worried that I would react badly to his accounts that he continued to project his feelings. I felt his remorse and self-loathing as he reached the part in his tale where he had finally escaped his lot with help from his brother, Peter and found Alice. By then my sobs were uncontrollable. Tremors wracked my body. All I wanted was to take away Jasper's grief and assure him that all I felt was admiration for his ability to choose another life after a century of war.
I turned from Jasper's arms and sat on my knees to face him. As our eyes met, I saw a deep sadness in his eyes and a longing for my understanding. I placed my hand on his cheek, hoping the gesture would give him the comfort he was seeking. His eyes closed and he leaned his face into to the palm of my hand. I felt his relief as he continued to project his feelings onto me.
It didn't take long before curiosity overtook me and I pushed to see the physical evidence that remained of his past. I reluctantly dropped my hand from his face to pull up the sleeve of his shirt. I gasped as I looked upon the interlacing scars that marked his arm. How many times had he defended his face by lifting his arms only to have them bit by a wild vampire? I slowly moved my trembling hands to the hem of his shirt, lifting the garment to witness more crescent marks on his perfectly sculpted chest. For a fleeting moment I forgot what I was doing and all I wanted was to feel the ripples of his muscles beneath my hand. Then Jasper brought me back to the present by turning his face from me, ashamed of the reminders that were imprinted on his skin. I needed him to know that they were part of who he was and that I was falling in love with him, scars and all. I lowered my face to his chest and slowly kissed each scar, my lips lingering on the one above his heart.
"Bella…," he said my name like prayer.
I continued to kiss my way across his chest when he placed his hands under my arms and lifted me to look at him, our faces torturously close together. He searched my eyes for something. I don't know what he found there, but it was enough to convince him before he crushed his lips to mine.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers tangled in his hair and I couldn't seem to get close enough to him. As if he sensed my need or that he felt his own desire to be closer, he pulled me to onto his lap, my body pressed against his chest. One of his hands came to my hair as he eagerly held my face to his; the other hand gripped my hip as if he needed it there to anchor himself.
Every nerve in my body seemed to be singing with need for this man. The sensations were so much more pronounced as a vampire than as a human. My feelings were indescribable. This kiss was full of passion, a reprieve after so much tension. We were needy and our mouths were hungry as we moaned at the sensation of our tongues sweeping against each other. Then, all too quickly, he pulled away, placing one last soft kiss on my lips before touching his forehead to mine. Our eyes were closed and our breathing was labored, taking short shallow breaths. "Do you want me to answer your question?" he panted.
"What question?" I huffed. My mind was clouded and all I wanted was to kiss him again.
Jasper softly chuckled and bent his knees. I slid from his lap to sit on the ground and rested my back against his thighs, biting my lip to hold back the moan that threatened to escape as I took in the sight of his glorious smile. He absentmindedly took hold of my hand that was lying on his chiseled stomach and played with the tips of my fingers.
"You wanted to know about the pull between us?"
"Ah… that," I smiled as he effectively brought me back to the present.
"After I found Alice and she shared her visions -"
"Visions?" I asked, interrupting his story.
"Alice is a seer. She sees visions of the future," he smiled, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. "She saw my future and in it she saw my mate."
My stomach sank. I started to feel panicked by his words; he had a mate and I was already so far gone in my feelings for him that my dead heart ached. It felt as though my chest was being ripped it two. I couldn't sit there any longer. I needed to get away. I had misinterpreted our connection and felt embarrassed by my actions. I acted like a love-sick girl and had begun to fall for him without knowing his true feelings.
I quickly rose to my feet and began to walk away. "I-I'm sorry… I should have known," I stuttered, not knowing what the right words were at the moment. "I'm going to find my way back to the house. Please excuse me."
In an instant he was standing before me. "You didn't let me finish, sweetheart," he said as he placed his fingers under my chin, lifting my face to look at him, his eyes pleading with me to hear him out. "She saw my mate… she saw you."
So many feelings ran through me; shock, confusion, amazement, relief, excitement, elation, and then an overwhelming love that made my knees buckle with its force. "Oh God," I whimpered as Jasper reached out to hold me up, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me flush against his body.
"I've got you, darlin'," he reassured me as I felt the weight of it all.
"What… what…?" I was unable to form the words to ask what was happening. My head fell back and my eyes closed, consumed with the immense power of all the emotions that surrounded us.
"I'm sorry," he whispered as we collapsed in each other's arms on the forest floor. "I'll reign it in."
I gasped for air once the thumping of emotions began to lull. "What… was that?" My head fell against his shoulder as he comforted me by rubbing circles on my back with his hand.
"I've been open," he breathed. "I've let you sense all my emotions, wanting you to know how I feel. Except for my love, I've kept it to a minimum until now, not wanting to overwhelm you. But I felt love coming from you too and when it combined with my own, it all came pouring out… it was too much all at once."
I turned to nuzzle my face into his neck. "How can you love me like that?" I asked, inhaling his delicious scent that seemed to center me and clear my head, which was still overwhelmed by all the stir of emotions.
Jasper let out a short laugh, but there was no humor in his tone. "My love for you, Bella has been burgeoning for the better part of the last sixty years. I have waited for you for so long; it is surreal to be here. holding you in my arms – I feel as though I have fallen deep into a dream and never want to come out of it."
"Wait… what?" I sat up straight, stunned by his revelation. "Sixty years, Jasper? How can that be? I'm only twenty-one… my parents weren't even born sixty years ago." He watched me, his eyes fixated on my lips as I shot off question after question, never interrupting, but letting me process what he had said.
Eventually I came to the question that would alter my perception of fate, whose answer would put everything I knew to be chance or coincidence in a new light. I paused, needing him to look at me. I needed to see in his eyes the truth behind his words. His eyes snapped to mine and I steadied myself as I slowly asked, "Are you saying that Alice saw me, as your mate, thirty-nine years before I was even conceived and you've been waiting for me all this time?"
He nodded. And this time, I was the one to crush my lips to his. "Bella…," he breathed my name against my lips and I felt his relief, a release of sixty years of agonizing wait. There was so much more I needed to know, so many more questions that had to be answered, but, at that moment, all I wanted was to feel his lips against mine and express my admiration for what he must have endured in the hopes that one day our paths would cross and he wouldn't have to be alone anymore.
"Darlin'?" he spoke between kisses and soft moans, his hand falling from my face, tracing a path down my neck with his fingers, slowly grazing the side of my breast before tucking it under the hem of my shirt to draw small circles on the skin at my waist. "If we continue… Mmm… I'm going to take you right here on this forest floor and I had… oh God… other plans for our first time."
I was lying on my back, my head supported by his arm as he lay at my side, his leg thrown over my own. His need for me was evident by his erection that was now pressing against my thigh. I had moved my mouth to his neck, nibbling and sucking at the soft, sensitive skin beneath his ear as he tried to convince me that we should bring this delicious exploration of our bodies to an end. I had no such plans.
"You've imagined our first time together?" I asked, returning to suck his bottom lip, which I realized hadn't gotten enough attention and I vowed to remedy that oversight.
"Yes," his lips moved slowly across mine as his hands continued to touch wherever they landed. "All I had was my imagination. You see, Alice did not see you clearly in her visions before your change. You were only my beauty in my mind's eye. No name to go with a generic face. I could never have anticipated that you were going to be this beautiful," he punctuated the words by placing his hand on my face, looking deep into my eyes. "This perfect. So much more than my mind could have ever created."
I sighed into his mouth as he lowered his face to kiss me again slowly. My eyes fluttered closed, as his love for me trickled out of him until it grew into an all consuming emotion that effectively melted me into the earth. "That is only a fraction of what I feel for you, Bella," he breathed the words against my lips and I was lost in the sensation of his body and his love. I felt as though the world around us had disappeared. There were no sounds other than our soft moans; there were no smells other than his spicy scent of cinnamon and clover. It was as if the earth had shifted on its axis and at that precise moment I fell in love with Jasper and silently thanked Aro for having played a hand in our destiny, bringing me to the man that would be my life - my everything.

Jasper

I had been projecting my feelings as we spoke, not wanting to hold back. I wanted her to know me by letting her feel my regret for my past and my happiness that she had not rejected me as I had feared she would once I finally shared my history, but it was my love that had overwhelmed her, a love that she was unable to comprehend, a love that stemmed from being altered by her, so long ago.
It was all surreal - My beauty in my arms, accepting my past, feeling her love begin to blossom as I shared the visions of her that had kept me on my path for so long. Every vision Alice had of my mate gave me the strength to fight the bloodlust that had been my constant companion since the moment I chose to resist human blood. The longer I fed on animals, the clearer Alice's visions became and I thrived on those moments when she was given the foresight to my future. Countless visions of my mate and I running through the forest, hand in hand, stolen kisses and quiet moments with other members of our family. I imagined Bella so many different ways and told her of the generic faces with no names that could never have compared to her beauty.
I was using all of my control not to claim her right there on the forest floor. She had reduced me to moans and pleas with my maker to give me the restraint I needed. It did not help that her lips molded to mine. Her body fit like a perfect puzzle piece in my arms and the scent of her skin, lavender and freesia, had my head spinning. I was ready to throw her over my shoulder like a cave-man, run back to the house and fuck her senseless, but that was not what she deserved, nor would I be able to relish the moment if I allowed the animal inside to break free and assert myself as her true mate.
I whispered my declaration of love to Bella with my words and by letting her feel my adoration as it seeped out slowly. Although it was only a fraction of what I truly felt, it had been enough and I was rewarded with feeling the moment that Bella fell in love with me, an unadulterated love and a love that rivaled my own.

A/N: Awe! Some fluff mixed in with the angst, my favorite. So they finally affirmed their love. It's about time, 60 yrs is a long time to wait, but I hope it was worth it. Let me know what you think. Did it meet you expectations? I just love talking to my readers and I appreciate every review. I try to get back to everyone, if I missed you, extra Cullentinis coming your way.
And speaking of Cullentinis, let's get this show on the road...
*serves her special recipe of Cullentinis and adds an extra dose of love for her readers* – The world is filled with flowers, The flowers are filled with dew, The dew is filled with love, For you and you and you… CHEERS!

Vote for P&C at the Fandom People Awards!

2010-10-11T19:36:00.000-04:00

Thanks to everyone that nominated us for "Best Author Interviews" at the Fandom People Awards. Voting started today so go check out the site and vote for us!

May 31st, 2006 - Edward's Journal

2010-10-11T00:41:00.001-04:00

May 31st, 2006

I’m sitting here beneath a towering pine tree, watching my father and brothers discussing the mechanics of my new toy. Jasper and I just finished off two feisty mountain lines while Carlisle and Emmett shared three Elk. I am not part of the discussion and I am not sure they really notice. Ever since I came back from Italy my mind has only been in one place, with Bella. I hate to spend one single moment away from her, constantly worried that something dreadful will happen when I am not at her side. I constantly worry that I will lose her. After all, she is only human and humans…die. Of course, that is easily remedied by changing her into a monster like me and that is something I struggle with constantly as well. I want nothing more than to spend eternity with Bella by my side.
In truth, the day Bella dies is the day my eternity ends. After thinking I lost her back in March I realized how much her very existence dictated my own. She would be a vampire. Alice had seen it. I had fought it. Bella had fought it as well, on a different front. Soon, she would get her way. But I still struggled with the reality of that, of taking her away from everyone she loved and who loved her. I was decidedly indecisive and for my sake and Bella’s both I needed to be more firm in what I believed.
The reality was we tried to exist in this relationship tango of human and vampire. It was a dynamic that would not work long term and, the fact was, I would never be a human no matter how much I desired that. If I could have any wish in the entire world, it would be to not be the monster I had been for nearly one hundred years. I would want to be a teenage boy who could court Bella the way a boy should court a girl. I would steal kisses and never have to worry that a kiss could lead to her demise. I could simply love her without fear or guilt. I would wrap my fingers in hers and we would share the warmth of our embrace. I wouldn’t have to pull away out of fear of sending her into hypothermia. In my perfect world, I would drive with Bella to the trail head and we would hike laboriously to our meadow, carrying a picnic basket filled with French bread and fruit and cheese and sit on a blanket beneath the sun, which would warm our bodies. We would talk and laugh and hug and kiss and I would not have to worry I would be so overcome by the toxicity of her scent that I would kill her out of a love I could not control. Then I would get down on one knee and present her with an engagement ring, my mother’s engagement ring and ask her to grow old with me.
But the only way we could be together was for me to give her what she wanted, eternity and immortality. We would never grow old together, or see or children grown and raise children of their own. We would never taste the fruits from the trees or the wine from the vines. The only thing we would ever taste would be blood. But we would have passion, unbridled passion. Our existence would be filled with it because it is all we would have. From the moment she entered into my world, it would be me and Bella. We would have my family but, most importantly, we would have each other and that was all that mattered. I, for a brief time, felt what it would be like to be without her and it was not something I was willing to do. So, despite the fact that I knew carrying on with a human life was what was best for Bella, I knew what was the best for us was for me to change her. But first, she would have to marry me. I would be steadfast in that. While there were many things I had come to realize I could not control, there were a few key things I could and making her my wife was at the top of my list.
While we have laughed and joked and unofficially dedicated ourselves to each other I would make it official and propose to her as a gentleman should and present her with one of the most treasured thing I had, my mother’s engagement ring, the one my father had slipped on her finger over a century ago. He had gone with her and her cousin to a nearby park and found a gazebo overlooking the waters of Lake Michigan. There, my father knelt down before her and took her delicate hand in his and asked her to be his wife. She smiled bashfully and said yes, allowing him to slip the diamond ring on her finger and rewarding him with a kiss upon his cheek. My mother and father both regaled me with that story over and over, hoping I would find a love like theirs and lose my desire to become a soldier on the front lines against the German Army. Also, the Spanish Influenza changed everything and neither one of those things was an option for me. Now I had to deal with the cards I was dealt and felt grateful that everything bad that had happened to me had been for a reason and had led me to Bella and hope of a happy future.

EC

Aussie musician Lee Safar spreads her wings with book and new market

2010-10-10T22:27:00.001-04:00

Karem Nunez Photography

interview by Kiva Johns-Adkins

It’s not fair to call Lee Safar a musician. She is so much more than that. Lee is a musician, philosopher, entrepreneur, friend and very soon she will become an author.
“I read it yesterday,” Safar said. “I’d written the book I’d always wanted to buy but could never find out there.”
I met Lee on Twitter about a year ago after I saw many of my Aussie friends raving about her music and accessibility to her fans. Since then, I have tried to share Lee with the world because she is gift everyone should get to open. Her life has changed dramatically since that time last year, when she still lived in her native Sydney, Australia and worked hard to self-promote her music and vision. As Lee says, she is now “A citizen of the world. I will go where the music takes me.”
“The most important change for me, in the twelve months is the fact that I feel less of a sense of urgency and I am calmer in my approach to things,” Safar said. “I say ‘no’ more often now and things are more on my terms. I am determined to set the pace of my life.”

Safar spoke with me last week from her current home-base of Los Angeles, just after she sent off the first 1/3 of her new book to an interested publisher.
“I have given birth,” Safar said with pride after writing day and night to complete the first part of her book. “Now it is a communal effort to raise it.” And raise it they will. Safar still remains an independent musician, fiercely loyal to herself and her fans. “No one will own me.”
What began as a little podcast called “Dream Angel” has, along with everything else in Safar’s life, evolved into something so much more. That podcast, which began in Thanksgiving, 2009 offers listeners advice and inspiration on how to make the most of their lives, will become a book to guide them 365 days a year.
The unnamed book is being written to serve as a reference guide to readers that talks logically about how to add what they need to their lives. “It cuts out all the ethereal bullshit,” Safar says honestly.
Safar has learned many lessons on her journey through life. She has no particular destination in mind, aside from happiness and will follow whatever road leads to that. She is honest and frank and refreshing. Safar hangs out with old friends and reaches out to new ones, growing emotionally as she also grows professionally.
“I doesn’t suck to be me when someone sends me an email telling me how I have changed their lives,” Safar admitted. “I am doing this, all of this, to inspire people.”
Along with the book, her new album and continuing the Dream Angel Podcast and Sandwich Bag Series, Safar is spreading her musical wings. In the year ahead she plans to work with new artists on original collaborations and world music cross over tracks that will expand her musical repertoire into the genres of Hip-Hop and Dance.
“The artists I've chosen to work with have blown me away with the truth that they bring to their craft and we're learning so much from each other. Pushing each other’s boundaries to be more real and authentic with what we're creating! The songs we're working on together are sounding AMAZING and I really hope my fans love them too,” Safar said.
“I’m hoping to combine a music tour with a book tour,” Safar said. “I would like to be a writer by day and a musician by night.”
From now until the end of the year, Safar’s focus is finding a publisher to pick up the book and complete writing on her debut album. She hopes to begin recording in February or March then release it in late spring or early summer, 2010 at the latest.
“On a very personal level, a whole new Lee Safar has emerged this year and I want to the album to reflect that process,” Safar reveals. “It will be a real progression from the previously released material but will have all the trademarks of me- intense, honest, mystical lyrics with melodies that knock on the door of your soul inviting you to come explore yourself with me. I simply can't wait to hear it myself.”
Living in Los Angeles since 2009, Safar still visits her native Australia and has plans to tour the U.S. as well as Japan, a new market that has opened for her music.
Very soon, her break-through single “I’m Here” hits the Japanese markets and introduces another part of the world to the soulful music that emanates form Safar’s heart and right onto the track.
“When I went back to Australia a couple of months ago, I attended a panel for AUS Trade and got a distribution deal for my music with ICJ, a major distributor of music in Japan,” Safar said. “Now, I am looking at doing some kind of tour there.”
Don’t expect Safar to headline The Staples Center or The Tokyo Dome. That’s not who Lee is. She is a former corporate employee turned barista who, by walking away from all of that, found a reason and way to follow her dreams. Now is sharing that with the world; one song, one podcast and one intimate venue at a time.
“I don’t want to just be here for two years,” Safar admitted candidly. “I want to be here in 25 years.”
In 2009, “I’m Here” went viral on YouTube and became an instant sensation; thanks in large part to the Twilight fandom that helped propel the song around the world. “I’m Here” was originally considered to be included on the New Moon soundtrack, although it didn’t make it onto the final product.
Safar, a Twilight fan herself, never saw having her music being included on the rocket ship known as Twilight, as a way to promote her music but as a way to share her story. And Lee’s story is the same story as many of her fans, fans she interacts with on a daily basis – fans that are so much more. They are friends.

To check out more on Lee, visit her website at http://www.leesafar.com/

copyright Kiva Johns-Adkins, 2010. All rights reserved.
*other blogs may post this interview but only in its entirity with my name as the interviewer.* (An interview translated into Japanese is also available by request).

Shroud Chapter Eight - Forgiveness

2010-10-08T21:48:00.000-04:00

This was a chapter I was very excited to write although an update was a long time coming because of surgery. Lili has been sick and I haven't heard from her so I thought I would post an un-betad version here on the blog (to be replaced by the better version after she does her magic). Be sure to leave me some love on FF when it goes there. But for now, here is the leg-hitch chapter.

Thanks to Bella’s little side-trip to see Jacob I had to head back out to finish hunting at the end of the week. I hated leaving Bella once again but I hoped, with the added incentive of the bright yellow Porsche that Alice would be more diligent in her babysitting duties.
Besides, I had more to do than hunt. I had more shopping to do. It was amazing how much shopping I had done lately, all for Bella. The bed, the Porsche and now a motorcycle.
Jasper agreed to take a detour with me on our hunting trip to head. We headed to 9th Avenue in Seattle, near several boat building yards on Lake Union. I know it was infantile of me, but I had to do what I could to compete with Jacob Black. While Bella began riding motorcycles with Jacob to get the adrenaline rush that allowed her to connect with me in some way I knew it was still a hobby she enjoyed. And since I had been keeping her from spending time at the reservation and since becoming strictly grounded after Jacob showed Charlie her secret motorcycle she really hadn’t had a chance to ride. I was already the reason she was willing to give up so many human experiences and pleasures and I despised that. I wanted Bella to be happy and get the chance to experience more things. So I found myself on 9th Avenue North, standing across the street from Ducati Seattle with the aromas of Italian cooking from the Buca de Beppo next door, wafting through the air. It was a good thing garlic wasn’t truly a deterrent to my kind.

“Edward, why are you doing this?” Jasper asked, stuffing his hands into his jeans pockets.
“Why am I doing what?” I shrugged, waiting for the cars to pass before we made our way across the street to the dealership.
“Outwardly, why are you getting a motorcycle? And deep down, emotionally, why are you getting a motorcycle?”
“I have just been thinking, the Volvo is so safe,” I started. “You know me; I have a need for speed.”
“Oh,” Jasper said, reaching for the door. “I’m glad you cleared that up, because I thought maybe it had something to do with Jacob Black.”
His words and insight, surprised. I stopped in my tracks, half way through the entrance. I pinched the bridge of my nose and thought of a good response before I decided that sharing my true feelings was the best way to go.
“It’s something she likes doing with him,” I admitted. “I can’t let a ‘dog’ making her happier than I do. I can keep her safe. He can’t. So if she wants the adrenaline rush of riding a motorcycle, I want to share that with her. She can ride her own motorcycle but I can be close enough to keep her safe.”
“He hasn’t hurt her, Edward,” Jasper reminded me. “Do you really think he would?”
“The point is, he could,” I snapped. “With the Volturi watching and Victoria looking for her, in addition to these new developments here in Seattle, Bella does not need to take any other unnecessary risks. I only want her to have fun and be carefree when she can.”
Jasper sighed and suddenly my deep-seeded resentment towards Jacob Black seemed to melt away. Damn him for controlling my moods.
“Ride with her because you want to share that with her, not because you don’t want her to share it with Jacob. If you really love her Edward, you have to loosen up a bit and trust her. As clumsy and accident prone as she may be, she lived just fine before you and will do fine without you there to constantly catch her before she falls. Sometimes love means picking someone up after they fall instead of preventing it from happening.”
“Why do I take you shopping with me? Emmet would be so much easier,” I complained.
“Because Emmett says what you want to hear,” Jasper smiled. “I say what you need to hear.”
I let out a deep sigh and stepped in to the showroom, with Jasper following closely behind. “Yeah, well, I have a bike to buy.”
We had barely stepped inside the front door when a middle-aged man in a fire engine red Ducati dress shirt and khaki pants made his way towards us. Jasper and I both quickly put our hands into our pockets, in an effort to keep from having to shake hands with the salesman.
“Is there something I can help you gentlemen with?” He asked, rolling a brochure in his hand.
I made my way towards the center of the showroom where a sleek silver bike was rotating slowly on a display stage several feet off the showroom floor. Spotlights from the floor and ceiling focused on the stealthy machine, making the light bounce off the sparkling body.
“Is that the Ducati 848?” I asked.
The salesman cleared his throat and answered hesitantly. “Why, yes it is. Right now it is still early in the design phase. It is only special order. We were just lucky enough to get a floor model to get some feedback on customer response.”
Jasper walked around the display, carefully scanning the motorcycle up and down, back and forth, as if he were reviewing the newest piece of military equipment.
“Have you had a chance to take it for a spin?” I asked.
“I have,” he grinned. “The 848 was a wet clutch system instead of the typical dry and you feel more in tune with the bike. It also creates less noise so you are more aware of your environment, being one with the wind.”
I nearly laughed. No matter how fast, how smooth or how quiet the Ducati was, I would never be more ‘one with the wind’ than when I ran through the forest from my house to Bella’s and back. Of course, the salesman had a pitch to make and had no way of knowing the thrill I got without the need of 134 horsepower. I had done my research. I knew this Ducati was knew and not widely advertised. It was just what I wanted. Besides the fact that it cost nearly $14,000 and was way out of his price range, there was no way Jacob Black would ever find himself hugging the curves of the roads that wound through Forks on the seat of a piece of machinery like this. This was a high performance machine disguised as a piece of art. It wasn’t Jacob’s scene.
“I’ll take it,” I said coolly. Jasper had his head down, eyeing the transmission when I made my order. He only raised his eyebrow and managed a cocky grin. I rarely put on such a public display but the machine in front of me brought out the daredevil in me and I imagined Jacob’s eyes when he saw Bella and me riding together.
The salesman let out an audible gasp. “Um…well, I can write it up and get it on order.” He turned towards the desk in the back of the showroom, expecting me to follow along obediently.
“No,” I said calmly. “I want this one. I want to take it today.”
He stopped in his tracks and turned to look at me in utter shock. “But it is just display. I am sure you want a brand new 848 so you can break it in yourself.”
“I am certain I want this one, already broken in,” I grinned, pulling out my wallet.
“If you’re sure,” he said, pausing long enough for me to change my mind. When I didn’t he turned back to the desk. “I’ll write it up for you right now.”
I sat down with the salesman and handed him my credit card, adding a couple more items to the tab. There were also riding accessories for sale in the showroom and I bought a Ducati red helmet for Bella and a leather riding jacket that I knew would fit her like a glove. If I was going to indulge her riding I was going to insure it was done safely.
Two burly mechanics came from the service area to take the 848 from the display stand and prep it for me to head out of Seattle on. The moment the paperwork was signed, I headed outside with Jasper and we headed north on Interstate 5 to meet up with Carlisle and Emmet on our hunting trip.
May 31st, 2006
I’m sitting here beneath a towering pine tree, watching my father and brothers discussing the mechanics of my new toy. Jasper and I just finished off two feisty mountain lines while Carlisle and Emmett shared three Elk. I am not part of the discussion and I am not sure they really notice. Ever since I came back from Italy my mind has only been in one place, with Bella. I hate to spend one single moment away from her, constantly worried that something dreadful will happen when I am not at her side. I constantly worry that I will lose her. After all, she is only human and humans…die. Of course, that is easily remedied by changing her into a monster like me and that is something I struggle with constantly as well. I want nothing more than to spend eternity with Bella by my side. In truth, the day Bella dies is the day my eternity ends. After thinking I lost her back in March I realized how much her very existence dictated my own. She would be a vampire. Alice had seen it. I had fought it. Bella had fought it as well, on a different front. Soon, she would get her way. But I still struggled with the reality of that, of taking her away from everyone she loved and who loved her. I was decidedly indecisive and for my sake and Bella’s both I needed to be more firm in what I believed.
The reality was we tried to exist in this relationship tango of human and vampire. It was a dynamic that would not work long term and, the fact was, I would never be a human no matter how much I desired that. If I could have any wish in the entire world, it would be to not be the monster I had been for nearly one hundred years. I would want to be a teenage boy who could court Bella the way a boy should court a girl. I would steal kisses and never have to worry that a kiss could lead to her demise. I could simply love her without fear or guilt. I would wrap my fingers in hers and we would share the warmth of our embrace. I wouldn’t have to pull away out of fear of sending her into hypothermia. In my perfect world, I would drive with Bella to the trail head and we would hike laboriously to our meadow, carrying a picnic basket filled with French bread and fruit and cheese and sit on a blanket beneath the sun, which would warm our bodies. We would talk and laugh and hug and kiss and I would not have to worry I would be so overcome by the toxicity of her scent that I would kill her out of a love I could not control. Then I would get down on one knee and present her with an engagement ring, my mother’s engagement ring and ask her to grow old with me.
But the only way we could be together was for me to give her what she wanted, eternity and immortality. We would never grow old together, or see or children grown and raise children of their own. We would never taste the fruits from the trees or the wine from the vines. The only thing we would ever taste would be blood. But we would have passion, unbridled passion. Our existence would be filled with it because it is all we would have. From the moment she entered into my world, it would be me and Bella. We would have my family but, most importantly, we would have each other and that was all that mattered. I, for a brief time, felt what it would be like to be without her and it was not something I was willing to do. So, despite the fact that I knew carrying on with a human life was what was best for Bella, I knew what was the best for us was for me to change her. But first, she would have to marry me. I would be steadfast in that. While there were many things I had come to realize I could not control, there were a few key things I could and making her my wife was at the top of my list.
While we have laughed and joked and unofficially dedicated ourselves to each other I would make it official and propose to her as a gentleman should and present her with one of the most treasured thing I had, my mother’s engagement ring, the one my father had slipped on her finger over a century ago. He had gone with her and her cousin to a nearby park and found a gazebo overlooking the waters of Lake Michigan. There, my father knelt down before her and took her delicate hand in his and asked her to be his wife. She smiled bashfully and said yes, allowing him to slip the diamond ring on her finger and rewarding him with a kiss upon his cheek. My mother and father both regaled me with that story over and over, hoping I would find a love like theirs and lose my desire to become a soldier on the front lines against the German Army. Also, the Spanish Influenza changed everything and neither one of those things was an option for me. Now I had to deal with the cards I was dealt and felt grateful that everything bad that had happened to me had been for a reason and had led me to Bella and hope of a happy future.
EC
“A Volvo, a Vanquish and now a Ducati!” Emmett bellowed with a laugh. “If I didn’t know you better, brother, I would think you making up for a shortcoming.”
Little did he realize I was; just not the way he thought. My short coming was that I was not a human and never could be. I had to indulge a few human desires.
Just as I tucked my journal into my back pocket my phone began to vibrate. I quickly pulled it from my front pocket, knowing that Bella would never call me while I was on a hunting trip and if it was Alice, something was wrong.
I looked at the display and sure enough, it was my little sister. I should have known.
“Yes?” I asked quickly.
“I did my best, Edward,” she muttered.
“But?” I snapped.
“But she has a mind of her own Edward and she knows how to work around my visions. She went to see Jacob.”
“Is she back? Is she safe? Did he hurt her?” The questions shot off like bullets from an automatic weapon. Why did Bella work so hard to keep me from protecting her? My next plan of attack was reverse psychology. If she thought I wasn’t hovering perhaps she would quit taking chances.
“Yes, Edward. She is back. She is sleeping in your room. You don’t have to come home. I just wanted you to know before you came home and found out and made a scene…I’ll leave the keys to the Porsche on your desk.”
I took a deep breath, realizing that Alice had only tried to help me, at every turn and I had been unfairly harsh with her.
“Alice, the Porsche is yours. It was a gift, not a bargaining tool as I alluded to. If it weren’t for you, well…there would be no Bella and Edward. I love you.”
Silence.
More silence.
“Are you there?” I asked.
“You aren’t…mad?” she squeaked.
“No, Alice. I am not mad.”
“Umm…Okay. Did I get the wrong number? Is this Edward? Edward Cullen?”
I laughed at my sister’s attempt at humor, although I knew she was partially serious.
“I am done hunting. I am heading home now. Just keep an eye on her until I get back. It won’t be long.”
“Okay,” she answered and I could practically hear her smile. “Will you tell Jazz to come home with you? I really miss him and want to take him for a spin in the Porsche.”
“Will do,” I answered, grateful that for whatever reason, I was lucky enough to get Alice as a sister.
“Oh, Edward,” Alice said.
“Yes?”
“You might want to check your messages before you come home.”
I hung up and immediately checked my voice messages. Sure enough, there was an angry one from Bella.
“You…are…in…trouble,” she enunciated. I could imagine her gritting her teeth as she spoke. “Enormous trouble. Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home.”
I smiled. Home.
I walked over to my Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper and picked up my back pack, heading to the back of the 848 to tie it down.
“Come on guys. It’s time to head home,” I grinned. “Apparently a slumber party just isn’t all it is cracked up to be without the Cullen men.”
I pulled the Ducati into the garage, hiding it in the corner until I decided to share my new passion with Bella. For now, I wanted to see her. I wanted to smell her. I wanted to hold her. I know Alice said she was safe but I had to see it for myself, to know that she was safe in my bed, sleeping peacefully.
I climbed the stairs quietly to my room on the third floor. Alice and Jazz, Rose and Emmett and even Carlisle and Esme reunited quietly when we came in. No one wanted to wake Bella.
I gently pushed my door open and sat my back pack on the floor next to my desk. I leaned against the door frame and stood, watching her sleeping on my couch. I turned to my right and there was the big, beautiful bed I bought just for her, empty. It was beautiful with the gold duvet and silk pillows Alice had purchased to accessorize it and balance the harshness of the wrought iron. But, it was…empty and to my left there was Bella, curled into the fetal position on the leather couch, covered in a thin blanket and sleeping on a throw pillow. She needed to be in the bed, laying in a mass of silk and cotton with her head resting peacefully on the best feather pillow money could buy. All of it was for her. I did it all for her, so she would feel comfortable and welcome, yet she slept on the old leather sofa.
I glided over to her and scooped her gently in my arms, closing my eyes and pressing my nose into her neck, breathing in her scent. As much as it still burned to take her scent in, there was no greater feeling in the world. When I breathed her in, she safely became a part of me.
I turned and lay her in the middle of the king-sized bed and reveled at how tiny she was in the mass of bedding. She was so beautiful and delicate laying there, her eyes fluttering in her sleep. Was she dreaming? And was it of me? I wished I could dream. I was certain if I could it would always be about Bella. She was fragile. She was human. She was my human.
I gently climbed into the bed beside her and moved to press my body against hers. I nuzzled my head against the top of hers and wrapped my arms across hers, pressing my hand to her stomach, holding her against me. Her soft, robust bottom warm against my middle. I tucked my legs up behind hers and became one with her. Laying there with her in my arms I could not be angry that she snuck off to the reservation to see Jacob. I could not be angry at her for anything. I could only lover her and love her devotion to her friend. Bella would risk her life to be there for her friend. I had to find a way to be there for her the same way so she didn’t feel the need to take chances.
I spent several minutes just feeling her warmth against me and breathing in the sweet strawberry smell of her hair before she began to stir. I had forgotten to place a blanket between us to keep the cold from her and now it was interrupting her slumber. I moved my arm away from hers as she stretched and rolled over towards me, letting out a peaceful sigh, her sweet breath blowing across my face.
“Sorry,” I whispered, brushing my fingers against her hair. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
She opened her eyes and looked deeply into mine, searching for something. Perhaps she was expecting a fight and anger from me. After all, that is what she had gotten from me in the past when it came to Jacob but things would be different. She loved him. I had to deal with that. I just hoped she loved me more, as much as I loved her. I looked deep into her eyes and ran my fingertips from her hair down her cheek to her shoulder. I hoped she could see there was no anger or resentment in my eyes, only love – love for her. All that mattered to me, at that moment, was that she was laying there with me, in my house, in my bed, in my arms. It didn’t matter where she had been. It only mattered where she was and that was with me.
There was peace and acceptance in the silence and Bella reached out for me, taking my hands in hers, our fingers intertwining. She pulled herself close against me her face centimeters from mine, both of our breaths meeting in the space between, like two storm fronts coming together. I unraveled my fingers from her and wrapped them around her, pulling her tight against my chest. Her warmth filled me as though my heart were once again beating, blood pulsing through my veins. She was reigniting the human in me in so many ways. I was feeling sensations I didn’t know were possible.
Her lips traced my throat to my chin and finished at my mouth. I parted my lips to meet her hungry kisses and I didn’t think about safety or stopping. I was only aware of the tingling sensation her moist kisses were sending through my body, causing me to strain against my pants. I kissed her softly and continued to hold her close to me but was careful to keep that part of my body from coming into contact with hers. It was something I could not control but it was ungentlemanly and I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.
“You amaze me Bella,” I laughed. “I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzlies to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often.”
“Give me a minute to work up to it,” she teased, kissing my lips once again and I found it difficult to push her away.
I ran my fingers up her back and knotted my fingers in her hair, pressing my lips against hers, the taste sweeter than I remembered. There was something extraordinarily special about this moment. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it felt different. “I’ll wait as long as you want,” I whispered against her mouth. At that moment, her body shuddered and it brushed against me, against my groin and I shuddered as well.
“Maybe in the morning,” she panted.
“Whatever you prefer,” I moaned, spreading soft kisses along her jaw line, pressing my hands against her back and in her hair, holding her against me.
“Welcome home,” she purred as I continued to pepper her skin with kisses. “I’m glad you came back.”
“That’s a very good thing,” I said. In that moment only Bella and I existed. There was no Victoria, no Jacob and no newborn vampire. There. Was. Love.
“Mmmmm,” she agreed, wrapping her arms around my neck, kissing my cheeks and lips and jaw in return.
I was having great difficulty resisting Bella and the truth was, I didn’t want to. I wanted her. I wanted to give in to her and I wanted to indulge my own manly desires. No matter how strong my mind was, my body was not as open to resistance.
I moved my hand from her back, under her elbow and brushed it down her arm, over her ribs, which I o could feel under her delicate skin, over her waist and down her hip to her leg. That is when the man in me took over and all reason went out the window. I hooked my hand behind her thigh and pulled it up over my own legs, bringing her center to mine.
Bella was as surprised by my sudden fervor as I was and, for a moment, stopped breathing. I wanted her to know I wanted her, desired her and wanted to be nowhere else in the world at that moment than there with her in my bed, our bed. I pressed my cold lips against her throat with less care, wanting her carnally even though I knew that was not appropriate.
“Not to bring on the ire prematurely,” I whispered, “but do you mind telling me about what it is about this bed that you object to?”
I didn’t give her time to answer. My body responded instead and I pulled Bella on top of me. Her small frame, looking down at me with surprise and passion was one of the hottest things I had ever seen. She wasn’t delicate, fragile Bella who needed me to save her. She was a fearless, independent woman who needed no one but wanted me and that was erotic to me.
I ran my hands up her hips and brushed the sides of her breasts before taking her face in my hands, stretching her neck as I moved my mouth in to kiss the part of her throat that was the most enticing to me, where her scent was strongest. She remained speechless.
“The bed?” I smiled. “I think it’s nice.”
“It’s unnecessary,” she gasped, tilting her head to the side to bring her throat closer to my lips.
I pulled her face back to mine and wrapped my lips around hers, sucking on the plump sweetness of her bottom lip. In return she nipped at my upper lip and reached for my face. I quickly flipped her over so I was on top of her, looking down at her beautiful face, her cheeks flushed pink with excitement, her soft brown curls spread across the pillow. Although I held my weight off of her, my body was touching hers, the hot and cold meeting to create a warm middle ground and I laughed lightly, knowing I was giving her exactly what she wanted and wondering why I had been fighting these urges for so long.
“That’s debatable,” I teased as I ran my fingers under the hem of her shirt, laying my hand against her stomach, which was heaving up and down with breathlessness. “This would be difficult on a couch.”
I lowered my mouth to hers and ran my tongue along her lips, teasing her, causing her back to arch and raise her chest to me.
“Did you change your mind?” she asked breathlessly. No. I had not changed my mind. I was resolute but I also was beginning to realize I didn’t have to be so careful and cautious. There could be a happy, middle ground in which both of our needs were met. But I could not do this forever, lay like this in this bed with my body pressed against hers, watching her breasts heave up and down in excitement. Every single day I wanted her body as much as I wanted her blood and I could not resist her on two fronts.
I rolled to my side, facing her, exhaling in frustration. I wanted her. There was no doubt about that but I had a moral code I intended to uphold.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Bella,” I said disapprovingly. “I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don’t seem to like. Don’t get carried away.”
“Too late,” she muttered. “And I like the bed,” she added.
I turned and left a chaste kiss on her forehead. That was what mattered. I wanted her to like the bed. It was for her, after all.
I chuckled. “You have no idea, Bella. It doesn’t help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either.”
“I’m not going to apologize for that,” she said defiantly. That was my Bella.
“Can I apologize?” I asked.
She wrinkled her eyebrows and looked at me in confusion. “For what?”
“You were angry with me, remember?” I asked.
“Oh, that,” she said, turning her eyes downward.
“I’m sorry. I was wrong,” I admitted. “It’s much easier to have the proper perspective when I have you safely here.” I wrapped my arms tightly around her to drive the point home. “I go a little berserk when I try to leave you. I don’t think I’ll go so far again. It’s not worth it.”
She raised her hand and pressed it against my chest and I closed my eyes for a moment, taking in the warmth of her touch. “Didn’t you find any mountain lions?”
“Yes, I did actually,” I grinned, running my finger down the bridge of her nose. “Still not worth the anxiety. I’m sorry I had Alice hold you hostage, though. That was a bad idea.”
“Yes,” she agreed, almost too readily.
“I won’t do it again,” I promised and I meant it.
“Okay,” she said agreeably and I knew I was forgiven. There would be not epic wrath I would have to incur tonight. “But slumber parties do have their advantages…” She curled her body in closer to mine, brushing soft kisses against my collarbone. Although I rolled away to keep myself from acting on my impulses I still wanted her desperately. “You can hold me hostage any time you want.”
“Mmm,” I sighed, bending forward to take a deep breath in of her hair. “I may take you up on that.” I ran my hand down the curve of her back and ran my fingertips along the waist of her jeans, feeling the top edge of her bottom.
“So is it my turn now?” she asked and I was instantly confused.
“Your turn?” I asked.
“To apologize.”
“What do you have to apologize for?” I had an idea but the point was mute. I had to accept Jacob in her life and perhaps the less I fought his presence, the less she would fight to have it in her life.
“Aren’t you made at me?” she asked and she was totally sincere. She expected me to be angry.
“No.” I was sincere and the sincerity came through in my voice.
She seemed confused, pulling her eyebrows together. “Didn’t you see Alice when you got home?”
“Yes – why?”
“Are you going to take her Porsche back?” she asked. I thought for a second after she asked that question and knowing Alice thought I would as well. Was I really such an ass that they thought I would do such a thing?
“Of course not. It was a gift.”
“Don’t you know what I did?” she asked. She was practically begging me to be angry with her, to punish her. She was really bringing down the moment. I had already let things go and forgiven her. Honestly, it really wasn’t my place to do any forgiving. It just wasn’t my place. A monster was not who someone went to when seeking forgiveness.
I shrugged my shoulders. I had to let her know it didn’t matter. I loved her regardless of what she had done. Instead of prying information from her I wanted her to give it willingly. “I’m always interested in everything you do – but you don’t have to tell me unless you want to.”
“But I went to La Push.” The word cut right through me but I maintained my patience and tried hard to really emulate my words to her.
“I know.”
“And I ditched school.”
“So did I,” I said sarcastically.
Bella reached through the night to touch my face, running her fingers along my jaw and over my lips, and then her fingers ran across my eyebrows. “Where did all this tolerance come from?” she demanded.
I sighed. I didn’t want to explain it to her. I just wanted it to be. If I had to explain it perhaps I would not believe the reasoning behind it and realize it was much healthier to hate Jacob Black.
“I decided that you were right. My problem before was more about my…prejudice against werewolves than anything else. I’m going to try to be more reasonable and trust your judgment. If you say it’s safe, then I’ll believe you.”
“Wow,” was all she could manage. Honestly that was exactly how I felt. Wow. What the hell was I thinking?
“And…most importantly…I’m not willing to let this drive a wedge between us.” I meant it. If I let Jacob Black come between us then he won. He was a boy. I was a man and I was better than petty jealousy. She may sneak down to the reservation to hang out with Jacob but it was my bed she was laying in, not his.
Then Bella snuggled against my chest and told me about her day with Jacob and how they had disagreement that ended with him saying he wished she were dead. Even I knew that was not true. He was hurting and was lashing out at her in return. Still, it hurt me to know it hurt her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as I lay there in silence, holding her, trying not to let my anger get the better of me.
“It’s nothing,” I lied.
“You can tell me.”
I sighed and considered it for a second. Since she had been so forthcoming with me I felt she deserved the same consideration but was unsure how to go about telling her. “It might make you angry.”
“I still want to know,” she pleaded, pressing her hand against my cheek.
“I could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I want to.”
Her reaction was somewhat unexpected. She laughed. “I guess it’s a good thing you’ve got so much self-control.”
“I could slip,” I admitted, giving her a stepping off point to ask me, if that is what she wanted.
“If you’re going to have a lapse in control, I can think of a better place for it,” she said seductively, pulling my face towards her. I resisted, holding her tighter in an effort to keep from giving in to her taste and smell and allure.
I sighed again. She had no idea how much work it was to keep from ripping her clothes off and ravishing her body the way I had imagined many times, my mouth moving from her lips, down her neck, until my tongue made soft, wet circles around her nipples, making them stand erect for me. “Must I always be the responsible one?” I asked.
I could see the grin that formed across her lips. “No. Let me be in charge of responsibility for a few minutes…or hours.”
I closed my eyes and visualized the things I was forcing myself to resist. Yes. Hours. Hours with Bella. I would kiss down her chest to her bellybutton. Then I would move my hands to slip her panties down her hips and pull her towards me, moving my kisses to the wetness between her legs. Stop.
“Goodnight, Bella,” I moaned, tucking her head into my neck.
“Wait – there was something else I wanted to ask you about,” she said. She had to fall asleep soon. My mind was running wild and I was thinking things I was embarrassed to imagine. I needed her to fall asleep before I gave in to the impure thoughts.
“What’s that?” I asked.
She went on to tell me how she had talked to Rosalie, which I had decided was never a good idea. Much to Rosalie’s credit though, she told Bella about how she had come into this life in an effort to convince her it was not a path she wanted to choose. But, as it was with most things, with Rosalie, she also talked about the Denali’s – Tanya in particular. Bella was insecure about her, worrying that I had once been in love with her and she with me and that she could not compete with her otherworldly beauty. I tried to convince her it was nothing to worry about and that the only person I had ever felt love for was her.
I put my lips right to her ear, so she could hear the reassurance I was going to whisper in her ear. “I prefer brunettes.”
“She’s a blonde. That figures,” Bella said snarkily.
“Strawberry blonde,” I added. “Not at all my type.” Then, to drive the point home that she was the only woman I ever desired I kissed her lips, her cheeks, her jaw and her throat – making the rounds three times before I had to stop myself. In convincing her, I was getting lost in her toxicity and would soon lose all willpower.
“I guess that’s okay then,” she finally conceded.
“Hmm,” I whispered against her skin, pulling the duvet up over her to keep her warm. “You’re quite adorable when you’re jealous. It’s surprisingly enjoyable.”
She didn’t respond but I saw her scowl. I had won and she didn’t like it when I won.
“It’s late,” I reminded her. “Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love.”
I tucked the blanket between us and pulled her as close as possible, humming her lullaby as she drifted back into a peaceful slumber. I was where I always wanted to be, holding Bella safely in my arms and I never wanted to leave that bed. Ever.

Review/Push: Not Who You Think by Breath-of-twilight

2010-10-08T02:04:00.000-04:00

The Story: Not Who You Think

The Author: Breath-of-twilight

The Status: WIP

The Pairings: Bella/Edward

The Rating: M

The Summary: Maria is broken and lost and living a nightmare beyond your wildest imaginings. By day she lives the life she has been handed. By night she dreams of another life. One that is filled with haunting sounds and bright green eyes. A life just barely there, in the dark vestiges of her mind. But what do the dreams mean? Are they just her mind trying to conjure up something happy? Or is it something much more? Something Maria needs to remember to know the real truth?

The Review: As is usual with Breath-of-twilight's stories, they come with a warning. Very dark & twisted is the norm for this author, which is why I heart her stories hard. This one does not disappoint.

The story opens with our characters at the ages of 5 & 8. The writing style is perfect. She keeps the sentences short & simple. I truly feel like I'm hearing little Bella's thoughts. Little Alice cracks me up. Emmett is Bella's big brother & Edward is Alice's. Their moms are Renee and Esme respectively. The families are a close knit bunch. A tragic event occurs at the end of chapter one so make sure you've got your big girl panties on.

Flash forward to 15 years later (and back again later), so be sure to pay attention to the time lines that are highlighted. A large part of the transition is conveyed via written letters between the moms. The dates space farther and farther apart, as happens in long distance friendships. It's a great segue, keeping you up to date to the characters, yet showing the passage of time.

Quite a lot takes place in the first few chapters, yet you don't feel overwhelmed with information or that you're missing important details. It's all there. There are only 6 chapters thus far, so I can't tell you much about the story (and I don't want to ruin the plot) except to say it's incredible.

I'm not really sure how she does it all. She has written quite a number of really great stories and while they are all dark & twisty, they're all extremely different. Her RL cup is overflowing yet she manages to organize holiday collaborations, like this current one for Halloween. (This isn't her first by any means.) You get one story per day for the month of October, all by different authors. Her one-shot, Scared STIFF, which won in the FML contest, proves she can write humor too. Wow. This is starting to sound like a love letter to her. But, since she already knows how I feel about her, how about you dive into her library, pick a story...or two...or three...and show her some love too?

Author on Author Interview: krazyk85, author of Chocolate Brown and Leather Whips

2010-10-04T13:19:00.003-04:00

When I met krazyk85 and witnessed the fierce devotion of her readers to her story I knew there was something special. First of all, she is just a really special person and talented writer and I am so glad to count her as a friend. Second of all, she breaks the rules when it comes to writing and I totally dig a rule breaker. Since her readers, betas and pre-readers are so involved in the process of CBLW I wanted to make sure they were all included in the interview process. So, welcome to the playroom. Sit back and enjoy insight into Dommella.

You were writing Ethics Be Damned when this story entered your life, amusingly enough, via Twitter and you just couldn’t put it on pause. The same thing happened to me. What about this story was so powerful that it pulled you to begin writing it while still working on another story and how is it balancing two stories? I know you like the rules and stuff so I love it that you broke your own rules and started writing a story all about breaking the rules.

kk: It’s amazing to me still why I felt the need to write this story. It was the idea of Bella being in control and I envisioned her whipping Edward into submission, and it excited me. For me, I knew I had to write it. Honestly, I hate juggling multiple stories, and it’s hard for me to do it. I would’ve never started CBLW if EBD wasn’t almost done because I need to focus solely on one project at a time. I mean, my first story Warm Son proves that fact, and I plan to finish that story one day. The rules…well, what can I say about that? I love rules, but I love breaking them even more. When I signed on for CBLW, I had a goal in mind. I wanted a hardcore Domme. It was one thing that I knew that would shock the hell out of the fandom, and I’ve gotten some interesting viewpoints on the subject. The more I read into the life of a Dominatrix, I knew I was taking a huge risk, but I knew that I had to do it…Regardless of the outcome.

Will Edwards family and/or Bella's employers find out about their unconventional lifestyle?

kk: Okay, here’s the skinny. There will be a character that is introduced to the story that will jeopardize Edward and Bella’s secrecy, and they will have to decide whether or not to come out with it…That’s all I’m going to say LOL

OK you prob can't answer that...but...

Does where you grew up or your ethnic background affect the way you write or project things?

kk: I think some of my writing and my thought process has a lot to do with how I grew up because my passion for writing was the one constant thing in life when my parents were going through a tough divorce. It was the only way I could escape my life and enter a world that I could control. Also, that difficult time kind of shines through in my characters because their lives are always in this massive whirlwind of chaos that they can’t seem to get out of. My characters do preserve…just like I did ;)

Given your analogies and double meanings in your stories, the simplicity and clear meaning behind the title seems too easy. Is there a deeper meaning beyond her eyes and…um…hobby?

kk:*gulps* Um, honestly? Nope…I am that lame. I seriously thought the name was clever, but I guess its hokie LOL. But in all seriousness, I named it that because those are the two things that Edward is obsessed with...the truth behind her Chocolate Brown eyes (Yeah, I know, original description...bear with me) and the pleasure of the pain her whips bring to his skin. It was the two things I could think of him really enjoying and that was how it came to pass.

How do you see Edward as a submissive? He seems to have this background where he used women to his advantage. What about him would make him a good submissive for Bella's character? And do you see Bella ever submitting to him?

kk: Edward to me has always been Bella’s submissive, even in Twilight. There are a lot of stories of him as a Dom, which is bloody fantastic, but I wanted to see Bella as the one with all the power. I was discussing this topic with my pre-reader last night, it occurred to us that Edward has always been a masochistic and submissive at heart, and I was just lucky enough to capitalize on this. As for Bella submitting to Edward…Not in my story ;)

What inspired you to write CBLW from Edward's point of view?

kk: I was finishing up Ethics Be Damned, and I wanted to do just an EPOV for my next fic because I really enjoyed doing his POV in EBD. Also, I like the intrigue of no knowing what the other character is thinking. There are so many questions about Bella that people are dying to know, and if I did multiple POV’s, I think it would take the mystery out of it. I want the readers to be as confused as Edward and not knowing what to expect next. It’ll make the Fic I write after CBLW all in BPOV’s that more special.

Now that the story is finally getting into the playroom, is there anything from the playroom that you have done to your husband or that you would like to do?

kk: The funny thing is that I am so vanilla with my husband. If I was too pull out flogger’s and handcuffs, I don’t know what the hell I would do. It’s easier for me to get into this world that I’ve created and write about it, but to do it in real life…It would be so out of my comfort zone, but if I was bold enough, I think I would do just the tying each other up. It’s the mildest of forms, and the most erotic. No, CBT or face fu…um, never mind…

What character do you relate the most to in CBLW?

kk: The character I most relate to is the one I put most of myself into and that would be Edward. There is so much of my personality in him. His distaste for the cold, obsessive nature, and irrational response to act on their gut. Also, I think I am a little submissive at heart. I would like to say that I’m strong and fierce like Bella, but I tend to lean more towards Edward’s submissive side.

Edward is an ass man. Your husband is an ass man and, as evidenced by your avi the other night, you have a fabulous ass. Is this the “piece” of you that you bring into your story?

kk: *blushes* Thank you…and no, it wasn’t the ‘piece’ of me that I was bringing into my story LOL. Actually, I don’t think Edward can decide which body part he likes best. I found when it comes to Bella, he sort of dwells on the whole package. He’s like a kid in a candy store who can’t decide which candy he wants first because they are all so delicious.

Vanilla latte and Socrates the douche. Girl, I just love where your analogies take your readers. Not a question. I just loved those things and had to toss them out there.

kk: So, here is the thing about Edward. He’s smart, but he’s also a smart ass. It’s so funny, every time I read that line I instantly think of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure…As for the vanilla latte. It’s all about imagery and to see a large man drink a ‘Bitch Drink’ was just funny to me, and it fit Emmett’s character to a T.

Who is your favorite author in the fandom and why? How do they inspire your writing and how do you, in turn, try to influence your readers?

kk: My favorite author would have to be SleepyValentina. She was the first AH story that I read, and Art After 5 was so amazing to me. It was so original and awe-inspiring. She basically owned me. Then she posted Counterpoint, which I just loved. Her epic characterizations of Edward were ingenious. It really inspired me to write my own fan fic. It was the way she took our beloved characters and brought something new to the table, and seriously, the counting that Edward did in Counterpoint was just brilliant. As for my readers and whether or not I influence them…The fact that they read my story is humbling enough. There is so much fan fiction out there for readers to choose from. It amazes me still that readers stumble upon my stories, open them up, and read them…Wow.

You are very interactive with your readers, tweeting with them, IM ing with them and working with them on your stories. How important are these women to you and your process and keeping you going?

kk: So important. The reason that I interactive with them is because they really are my driving force. It’s true, I do write because I love it, but the readers are the ones who keep me motivated. If they want to read the next chapter, and express that to me, I work hard to get it posted. I’ve also learned through some experience is that readers aren’t idiots and if you slip up in a story, they’ll call you on it. The tiniest of details that I overlooked in a story, my readers will catch. It was why I got a pre-reader because I needed that extra set of eyes. I have a tendency to be so wrapped up in my story that sometimes I need that outsider prospective. Honestly, if I didn’t have these ladies, I’m sure I would’ve screwed up royally somewhere…It’s my nature.

Just For Fun

• Peas or Carrots? Peas!
• Cupcakes or Fondant? Cupcakes!!
• Student or teacher? Student.
• Guilty Pleasure? Twitter.
• Favorite decade for music? Fashion? Literature? The late eighties, early nineties. Not into fashion. Twilight.
• Twitter or Facebook? Twitter
• Vanilla, Caramel or Chocolate? Caramel
• Who is your favorite author in the fandom and why? See above ;) Love ya, Kiva!!!

I don't know about you all, but I can't wait for the "playdates" to begin. Until then, I will be working on my next interview which will be with @SparklingWand of Don't Take The Girl. If there are questions you are dying to ask her, run over to WaywardPushers and fill out the interview form. Oh, and there is also a form there to fill out if there is an author you would like to be interviewed.

Author on Author Interview: Osa Bella's Myg interviews MasenVixen, authors of Stranger Than Fiction

2010-09-27T13:02:00.006-04:00

As our series of Author on Author interviews continues, Myg of Osa Bella interviews the duo MasenVixen, authors of Stranger Than Fiction. Stay tuned because they have their interview with a favorite author in the works. Thank you to Myg and MasenVixen for giving us another insightful, funny, unique interview.

Myg: First of all, HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN I love Stranger than Fiction!

Masen: omg you’re so cute. heeee :)

Myg: Confession: I really haven't read any fan fiction yet, because I didn't want to rip anybody off while I was writing my own. But then one day my good friend TexasKatherine emailed me and said I had to read this. I resisted, sort of, but I couldn’t not look after the enthusiastic recommendation she gave you, so I peeked and found certain lemons that I bookmarked and returned to. Over. And over. And over. Until I’d pretty much memorized them.

I began reading from the beginning in preparation for this interview and am just so very in love with the tale you’ve crafted here. I adore how you’ve let Bella go on after Edward’s obvious fuck up in New Moon. I am all for a grown up Bella character, and your idea of having her process her pain by writing Dusk just kills me. It makes so much sense.

So let me start with the obvious question, what inspired this premise?

Masen: I introduced V to fic when I found out she was reading the saga. I had read several alt-New Moon fics and those storylines really appealed to me. Then one night V and I got to chatting about how we thought we could write one. Both of us wanted Bella to have an opportunity to be on more equal footing with Edward. Though the entirety of the plot is a true collaboration, the basic premise of StF -- Bella writing Twilight as a work of fiction -- was actually something I had thought up a few weeks prior to floating the fic-writing idea to V. I had even written a very early version of the current chapter 1. When I sent her the draft of the first chapter, I was so worried she was going to freak out like "Woah, M, I was just kidding around about that fic-writing thing" but she jumped right in and the rest is history.

Vixen: Yes, it's been amazing. I finished the saga in mid-November, and we were writing StF by the end of that week. M and I had remarkably similar opinions on the books, so we've never really disagreed on the vision for our story.

Myg: Sounds like you two were made for each other. I’m really interested to know how you actually write as a team--I mean, how do you decide who will write what? What’s the process?

Masen: The process is pretty much the same each chapter. Most chapters consist of around 3 or 4 scenes. We outline the chapter together over gchat and then divide the chapter up by scene. It's kind of amazing that we always seem to agree on who should write what. My favorite example of this is the chapter where Edward reads Dusk. I was, for some reason, extremely intimidated by the prospect of writing a "book-within-a-book" but V found it came really naturally for her. So the last section of that chapter alternates between the two of us -- she wrote all the "Dusk" passages first and I filled in the parts in between. (PS, We both write EPOV and BPOV equally, which surprises a lot of people. V usually writes Jake, though. She channels him perfectly and tolerates him more than I do).

Then, the most important part of the whole process is editing. And the thing about the editing is that we each have total and complete veto power. There is nothing sacred, no line you can write that isn't up for getting scrapped if the other person isn't loving it. So, we both have big girl panties on and an agreement to not have hurt feelings when your "omgijusthadthisincredibleplotbunny" idea gets shot down. I can't imagine doing this with anyone else.

Vixen: Truth. As usual, I agree with everything M just said.

Myg: That's amazing. It's difficult to have someone else shit-can something you write, I know. I'm also blown away by how the voice is so consistent for both points of views. I'd think it would be difficult to do that with two different writers. Impressive! (Think Darth Vader voice.)

Vixen: Aww, thank you bb:) Like M said, it helps that we ruthlessly edit each other's work. Half of our gdoc comments to each other are things like "I don't think Edward would say this," or "That's not really what Bella would think, is it?"

Masen: Or more accurately, "I struck this b/c it makes Edward sound like a whiny pussy."

Vixen: Ok, seriously cannot get the image of a talking vagina out of my head now.

Myg: Speaking of, okay, not exactly, but... you have an incredible gift for making sex scorch in text, and I find this really difficult to achieve. The details in your lemons just kill me dead, especially in the EPOV. How do you like writing lemons? Do you have any particular way you approach this?

Masen: Wow, that is incredibly gratifying to hear because, honestly, I do not see myself as a lemon writer. They are painstaking for me. I like them when I reread them later, but by the time I've finished writing a lemon, it does absolutely nothing for me in the turn-on department. I will say they are getting easier and I think part of the reason I found them so grueling at first is because the early lemons in our story were rife with a lot of angst or subtext. They are more freeflowing when the are a bit fluffier. Also, lemons, as a rule, are hard to "divvy up" except by orgasm. So... it's literally like: "how about you take the finger-bang and I'll do the doggy?"

Vixen: I'm laughing out loud as I read M's response. I love writing angst and have found the fluffier lemons much harder to write. And that, my friends, is why we make a good team. :)

Myg: I'll say! Did you know where this story would end when you began? Do you know now?

Masen: Yes and yes, but I mean that in a big-picture sense. We knew where the characters would end up, but not every detail and circumstance surrounding them getting there. Still, though some smaller details evolved over time, almost all of the major milestones along the way were worked out before we started writing. (E.g., their "first time" was one of the first scenes we planned weeks before we ever posted and it changed hardly at all from the original concept.) We rework the outline together regularly to account for changes in tone or plot that just happen naturally when your characters evolve. One major example of this is that our original outline had Edward, in a particularly bad bout of self-loathing during his time away, having a very brief physical encounter with Tanya. It made sense to us at the time but pretty early into the story we realized "We can't write this. Edward doesn't do this. It's just not him."

Myg: I know this is your first fic. What motivated you to write a fic in the first place?

Masen: It was an impulsive idea that just came at the right time for both of us. I had a new baby and V had some stressors in her life that made writing something of an outlet that we both needed. I think as a working mom and wife sometimes you feel like you spend your life doing things for other people and writing is truly something I just get to do for *me*. We both really needed that when this all began. It's also brought us closer as friends. We were friends in school and have always been close, but this took things to a new level. BRB snotsobbing.

Vixen: I'd been dealing with some high-stress stuff in real life, and reading the saga allowed me to chill out and escape reality for the first time in months. I was so disappointed when I finished Breaking Dawn, both because I didn't like the book itself and because it was *over*. Writing StF allowed me to spend more time with the characters that I loved and had proven to be such a great distraction. Mainly, though, I love M -- a lot. I was thrilled that she'd want to write with me and wouldn't have dreamed of turning her down.

Myg: In my interview, LolaShoes asked me about funny writing quirks, and I never thought about it until she asked, but I do have a few, the strangest being spontaneously talking to myself in character dialogue (don't ask). Lo writes all her lemons with her eyes closed. Do either of you have any strange writing quirks?

Masen: HAHAHA I had no idea Lola wrote her lemons with her eyes closed. I must try this! Hmmm, the only "quirk" I can think of has to do with writing EPOV -- especially early on. Our Edward is seriously angsty and when I write him, my whole body tenses up. Like, I clench my jaw and hunch my shoulders. The first EPOV I ever wrote was our Prologue and that took me about 30 minutes of whole-body simul-clench.

Vixen: No real quirks for me, although I do get my best ideas in the shower. BTW, M, remind me why we haven't written shower sex yet?

Masen: Um, um, um....

Myg: I hate criticizing Twilight publicly because I'm afraid people will take it personally, but I'm wondering, what are your feelings about Twilight, the story? How about as a pop culture phenomenon (I’m thinking about the fandom itself here)?

Masen: Thank God I have absolutely NO qualms about criticizing Twilight publicly. Haha. I think Stephenie Meyer created this incredible world -- these magnetic characters who just get under your skin and into your consciousness -- but then she just disappointed me in the plot department. I hated the last two thirds of Breaking Dawn. I hated parts of New Moon. But, even so, I was a slave to the characters (ok, Edward) for reasons that I still don't fully understand. Maybe the critics are right and I'm just a predictable consumer of a romantic formula but I don't think there's any doubting there's something deeper going on with Twilight. When I was reading the saga, even when I was making dinner, working out, etc., I was thinking about it. As far as the fandom goes, I think it's cool to know I'm not alone -- that the story struck such a chord with so many people. This is the first "fandom" I've been involved with so I can't make a comparison but I'm pretty impressed with how smart and fun everyone is. (I think the fic-fandom is probably a smaller subset of the Twi-fandom as a whole but it's all I know.)

Vixen: I loved Twilight--and by Twilight, I mean Edward and (gasp!) Jake. Even after all the amazing fic and lemons I've read, Stephenie Meyer's Edward still does wonderful things to my insides. I never had the hots for Jake, but I always thought he was a true friend to Bella and a genuinely good guy even when she put him through hell. My biggest complaint with the saga was with Bella herself. I thought she was one-dimensional, and despite four books written almost completely from her perspective, I never felt like we got a good sense of who she was (aside from being hopelessly in love with Edward). With regard to the pop culture phenomenon, I try not to judge. Occasionally I see people/merchandise/etc. that I giggle at, and then I remember that I write Twilight fanfiction. Sigh.

Myg: Are either of you married or in a relationship, and if so, how do your SOs feel about Stranger than Fiction?

Masen: Yes -- I'm married. My husband is very supportive of the whole thing. I remember when I initially told him I was reading fic I was all embarrassed but he was *thrilled* to find out I was into smut. He really encouraged me to take a creative writing course and he is so happy that I was able to do something so fulfilling after identifying that as an area of interest. But it does take up a lot of time and there have been times when we've had arguments about it. He doesn't read it, but listens politely when I force him to read a sweet review or blog rec. He's pretty awesome, ngl. Also, my hubs and V's hubs are friends, and when we all get together they feed off of each other and give us a lot of shit. It's the price we pay.

Vixen: Mr. V's been very supportive; he loves that I write/read smut and is very proud that our story has resonated with so many people. He's read tidbits of StF and was pretty stoked to find that he'd inspired a lemon or two. There have been times, though, when he's accused me of spending too much time writing fic, and he was almost always right.

Masen: Note she said "ALMOST."

Myg: Have there been any reader reactions to Stranger Than Fiction that have surprised you?

Vixen: I didn't anticipate that so many people would be mortified at the idea of Bella having sex with someone other than Edward. Bella and Edward might belong together, sure, but the premise of our story is that Edward left her in New Moon and never came back. We thought it was totally reasonable in those circumstances for Bella to move on, or at least try to seek the normal human life that Edward said he wanted her to have. A lot didn't see it that way; some readers didn't believe that Bella could ever enjoy sex with another man, and other people avoided reading our story after hearing there was a non-canon lemon.

Masen: I echo what V said. The term "wussperv" was not in my vocabulary when we started writing. But mostly I have been shocked and totally blown away by the way this whole concept has resonated with people. It made sense to me and V of course, but one reviewer (CrookedArm23) once told us "I didn't know I was looking for this story until I found it." It was one of the best sentiments ever. I love that!

I was also surprised that there were some very strong reactions to the way we wrote Bella and Edward's "first time." The response was mostly positive and of course I knew we were taking a bit of a risk there, but several reviewers seemed honestly distraught. We had a few people say things like "[a]fter six years couldn't he have waited 30 minutes to get her to the meadow?!!" And I just thought, "Really? There are how many thousands of fics out there and you really feel like you need to read Bella-and-Edward-in-the-meadow again?"

Myg: Do you ever want to junk-punch reviewers who call your Bella a whore/drunk/bitch whatever? Or is that just me? (I actually don't know if you get reviews like that, but I do, and it just makes me a little...touchy.) Also, what does "wussperv" actually refer to? Someone who can't tolerate any sex outside of Edward/Bella?

Masen: I don't know the technical parameters of wusspervdom but I know they have a hard time with non-canon E or B lemons, seeing Edward in pain, and I think also angst in general. As for your first question, yeah, we get those reviews and yeah they are annoying but mostly because I'm like, hello? How many fics show Edward as a complete manwhore and we all *suhwoooon* but Bella has to wear a chastity belt till Edward comes along to pop her cherry or else she's a slut?? Does not compute. But truthfully I think most of our readers get it and appreciate having a grown-up Bella with a bit a backbone take Edward to task. It's really the whole reason we wrote the story so if it's not your bag, this isn't the right fic for you.

Vixen: To be honest, those reviews don't bother me much. We took some risks with our story, so it's inevitable that some people wouldn't like our characters. That said, we got one review that said only, "I hate your Bella." The review came after a pivotal chapter where Bella took Edward to task for leaving her in New Moon, and the sentiment behind the review blew me away. I mean, who wouldn't be pissed if a guy left without a trace, was gone for six years, and then snuck in your bedroom window one night with a raging hard-on?

Myg: Has writing StF made you want to write more fiction, fan fiction or otherwise?

Masen: Yes! Writing StF has made me realize I love writing and that it satisfied a creative outlet I've been missing since college. I have no delusions of grandeur and I know it will most likely always be just a hobby, but it's something I plan to continue doing indefinitely. At the moment, I can't speculate about what that will be after StF ends. I'll probably cry in my Cap'n Crunch for a week and then open a new gdoc and see what happens.

Vixen: Yep. I'd never written anything for fun and had classified myself as a "non-creative" person, but I've loved this experience. Like M, I have no idea what I'll write next. I'll probably sit on my ass and drink wine until a great idea strikes, or until M pings me on gchat and tells me about hers.

Myg: I really hate to ask, but do you know when StF will end? How many more chapters? How many more weeks?

Masen: Wish we could give you a calendar with dates for each update but life is just too messy right now to give a specific timeline for our posts. But we're planning on 3 more chapters before the snotsobbing commences. The next chapter is pretty much done so that will be up soon!

Myg: Who are some of your favorite books/authors (not fanfic)?

Masen: The handful of top favorites that come to mind right now are: The Handmaid's Tale (Margaret Atwood), Me Talk Pretty One Day (David Sedaris), The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath) Atonement (Ian McEwan) Jane Eyre (Bronte), Lolita (Vladimir Nabokov), and The Hunger Games series (Suzanne Collins). I also have a thing for Classical literature -- Ovid's Metamorphoses is one my favorite books of all time. When I met hubs I used to read him Petrarch's lyric over the phone. (cue: "awwwwwww"s)

Vixen: Not surprisingly, we share some favorites. Mine are: The Handmaid's Tale (Atwood), The Hunger Games series (Collins), The Road (McCarthy), Native Son (Wright), and Warriors Don't Cry (Beals).

Myg: Are there any authors (fanfic or not) who have influenced you as writers?

Masen: I've always been really open about the fact that LolaShoes' "My Yes, My No" is my favorite fic of all time. It's the story that made me realize the part of the saga that dissatisfied me the most was the reunion in New Moon. Lola's been a big supporter and is now a prereader and is unquestionably a big influence. She knows you don't have to rely on gimmicks to tell a good story as long as you know your characters inside and out. We really do try to make sure every plot turn, line of dialogue, etc. makes sense for our versions of the characters. I also absolutely love TaraSueMe's triology (Ts/TD/TT) and her ability to tell a captivating story without wasting words. She also has such a definite beginning and end and she knows exactly where she's heading when she starts. I think one of the most important skills in writing a fic is knowing when to wrap it up. That time is coming soon for us. *sniff!* Finally, I absolutely adore The Blessing and the Curse by The_Black_Arrow. My writing style is frankly nothing like hers, but I'm amazed by her gift for imagery and description and it's something I'm continually trying to improve.

Vixen: To the writers and stories M has named, I'd add in.a.blue.bathrobe's "Tropic of Virgo." It is, without a doubt, my favorite fic. She weaves poetry, song lyrics, and captivating prose together to create one of the most beautiful stories and some of the most lovable characters I've ever read in fic or otherwise. Thank God I didn't read it before we started writing StF, because ToV is so brilliant I would never have had the guts to try something on my own.

Masen: ::Hangs head in shame:: I am a ridiculously faily fic reader now that we've started writing. I haven't read ToV yet because I fear I will throw my laptop into a sewer and rend my garments out of feelings of inadequacy.

Myg: Oh hell, I know the feeling. What would you tell aspiring fanfic writers about doing this?

Masen: I would tell them just go for it. It's such a rewarding way to interact with some amazing people and engage in a fulfilling creative outlet. I think it's smart to pre-write at least 1/3 to 1/2 of your story before you begin posting and I would definitely advise at least a bare-bones outline. Next I would say to make sure you're having fun and staying true to the story *you* set out to tell. Sometimes reviews and other feedback/twitter chatter can really get under your skin if you start losing perspective on that fact. Once that happens, you'll stop having fun and then...you've missed the whole point.

Vixen: M's totally right; it can be easy to get wrapped up in this, to get stressed out about negative reviews, PMs that say "update soon," or whatever. If that happens, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and repeat after me: "It's Twilight fanfiction. It is not real life." If you have any interest at all in writing, you should do it! It's fun and can be totally anonymous, meaning that you can spread your creative wings and fly with absolutely no embarrassing repercussions. I also think (as I climb onto my soapbox) that writing smut can be one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself; harness your sexuality, bbs!

Myg: I am so totally with you on the lemon writing thing.

Fun stuff

Most interesting location you’ve lived a lemon:

Vixen: The fitting room at a sporting goods store. UNF.
Masen: The back of a car my parents were driving. o_O
Vixen: OMG, you're such a hoor. I'm totally telling your parents. On Facebook.
Masen: BAHAHAHA omg. Please. Maybe that will help me get my mother off fucking Facebook.

High School role: Cheerleader, Heather, Class Officer, Jock, Burn out, Geek, Other?

Vixen: Geek, without question.
Masen: Oh I was the Class Officer -- in Student Government and kind of bossy. Thank god I outgrew that shit.
Vixen: When did you outgrow that, exactly? BAHAHAHA ily.
Masen: ::birdflip::

Volvo or Truck?

Vixen: Jeep. No doors, no top.
Masen: I had an ex-boyfriend with a Volvo and that car was fucking powerful, dude. Don't hate the Volvo.

Favorite place to buy sexy underwear:

Masen: Nordstrom. Their intimates department is very feminine and not puke-your-guts-out pink like a certain establishment that shall remain nameless. (PS, saw a seriously nasty documentary about how that certain establishment would resell returned garments, even without tags, without washing them. BLECH.)
Vixen: At the risk of sounding like an uber-snob, I will say Paris. Mr. V and I went there last year on vacation and spent a whole day going from boutique to boutique buying lingerie. Best foreplay ever.
Masen: OMG. You are such a snob! Can I change my answer to "Nordstrom in Monaco"

Favorite guilty pleasures: Music (ie; Journey, not Radiohead):

Vixen: Air Supply.
Masen: BAHAHAHAHA Air Supply. *wheeze*
Vixen: Don't hate! Have you heard "Making Love out of Nothing at All?" That shit is poetry.
Masen: Michael Jackson. I know every word to every song from every era. #RIPMJ

Food:

Vixen: Movie popcorn.
Masen: Ice cream. As V will tell you, I refuse to eat anything except full sugar, full fat. Go big or go home.

Vixen: Beverly Hills 90210 (the original, of course). And on that note, someone please write me a 90210 fic with Edward as Dylan McKay. ::bats eyelashes::
Masen: Hoarders

Non-Twi movie:

Vixen: I'd say Dirty Dancing, but there's no guilt involved. (BTW, I trust that you've all seen this deleted scene. No? Go there NAO. There will be moaning, I promise. Dirty Dancing Deleted Scene As far as a "guilty" pleasure, it would be Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. I love Josh Charles. So much.
Masen: Candyman. I love bad horror movies. But The Ring still keeps me up at night.

Non-Twi book:

Vixen: The Washingtonienne, by Jessica Cutler. Totally scandalous, surprisingly dirty, and perfect for anyone who's ever lived or worked in DC.
Masen: The Flowers in the Attic series. Yes, I might have reread them a few years ago (No, they aren't as good as you remember).

Favorite book as a child:

Vixen: Corduroy when I was really little, and then The Babysitters Club.
Masen: The Monster at the End of this Book

Anti-boner:

Vixen: Cell phone or Blackberry holsters. Necklaces on dudes.
Masen: Pleated pants. Inability to drive a stick shift. Small vocabulary.

Beer, wine, shots or coffee (choose as many as may apply)?

Vixen: Wine, shots, or coffee. Beer only if really drunk/really desperate, which I find happens less and less the older I get. ::sobs::
Masen: Sparkly white wine or full-bodied reds. And then cocktails - a vodka Gimlet is my current drink of choice.

Peas or carrots?

Vixen: Carrots.
Masen: Peas. Baby ones. Le Sur brand please.

Myg: When you read something you love as much as Stranger Than Fiction, you always wonder about the mind/minds that create it. I just adore this glimpse into who you both are and your amazing friendship and creative partnership. I feel like I want to cook you dinner and ask you a bazillion other questions about your personal lives now. Since I have a feeling you're not local, I guess I'll just say thanks tons and tons for taking the time to talk to me. I'll be sad when it's done but can't wait to see how it ends, and I'll be looking forward to reading more from you both in the future!

Check out MasenVixen's FanFiction page to see other stories.

Review/Push: Femme Docs and Kevlar Knights by A_Cullen_Wannabe

2010-09-24T04:40:00.002-04:00

The Story: Femme Docs and Kevlar Knights

The Author: A_Cullen_Wannabe

The Rating: M

The Pairing: Edward and Bella

The Status: Complete

The Summary: Bella is a first yr medical intern who was raised by her brother Emmett and his friends after their parents died when she was 16. When a night in the ER turns dangerous can her boys, now members of the best SWAT team in Chicago save her?

The Review: I am completely addicted to this story right now. It opens with a very intense prologue, then reverts back in time. (Way to be evil and torture your readers Ms. Author, or is a clever plot twist to suck us in? Whichever, it works for me.) It is a long journey to get back to that first scene, but oh so worth the ride. I am always a sucker for man in blue and this Edward does not disappoint....eventually. Oh, that makes this a teaser too! He is sweet, attentive and tender when loving his Bella.

The author did her research. I found the police and medical terminology and situations to be accurate, allowing for a bit of writer's prerogative to adjust certain things to make it fiction. If you don't, then it's non-fiction technical text which would bore me to tears. I give her two thumbs up. Many authors don't make the effort and I find that it makes their stories weak. This novel begins strong and stays the course throughout.

The author makes her characters and the plot interesting so that you can't help but stay involved. Rather than spilling out their back stories right away, they are told through bits and pieces as the situation applies. This is a long story (60 chapters plus outtakes) but I don't want it to end. The love story and the mystery weaves together begging you to keep reading.

The only thing I am saddened about is the fact that the morality police at Fanfiction.net have caused the story to be 'sanitized for your protection' (above link). You can read it as it was meant to be read at either Twilighted.net Twilighted.net/Femme Docs and Kevlar Knightsor at TheWritersCoffeeShop.com TWCS/Femme Docs and Kevlar Knights.
Please go read this epic story and leave the author some love. Don't forget to tell her we sent you.

Author on Author Interview: Kiva Johns-Adkins interviews Sebastien Robichaud

2010-09-20T09:34:00.003-04:00

Each interview I do or envision is done differently, in a way that highlights the particular author the best. In this interview, @foufymas and @RobsCumDumpster both helped me interview SR. Since University of Edward Masen is such an important fic to the fandom I thought fan involvement was a must.Now, for the interview:

I wonder if he plans on making this publishable by changing Edward/Bella to other people. Does he think it would change the dynamics too much? Does he think the story works on its own, or does our original love of Twilight change our view of the story?

This is a good question. Many of my readers have written to me begging me to publish UOEM so that they can have a paperback copy of the story on their shelf or to share with a friend. Clearly, this request is very flattering. Only the readers can tell if the story itself works on its own or only within the Twilight universe.

As a guy, what made him want to write FF? It’s so female dominant. And how much of him does he think is reflected? I.E., music, ETC.

I’m new to fan fiction in general and I’ll be honest, my primary reason for becoming involved was because I saw FF as a venue in which I could try to be a fiction writer. I didn’t really think of myself as a tremendous Twilight fan or an adherent to the FF universe. I simply saw an opportunity to write and post a story and receive feedback on it. I didn’t expect anyone would read my story. Luckily, TLammy found my story shortly after I posted the Prologue and first chapter and she told her friends about it.

I would say that a lot of me is reflected in the story but I’ll leave it to the readers to guess about what parts that is.

Does SR know he's got women swooning for him?!

Um ... this is news to me. (blushing)

Why did she style Edward as the darker of the protagonist, when peter would have just been perfect (at least on paper)?

Some of the Ladies of the Twilighted thread styled Prof. Masen as “Byronic.” It was a conscious decision on my part to paint him as I saw him - a type of North American academic with a certain degree of stuffiness and pretentiousness. In that sense, he’s real and all too common. But given that the narrative of UOEM was overlayed with Dante, I needed to express the flaws of the hero and his journey through Inferno.

Peter has a heart of gold, it’s true, but he isn’t perfect. He’s Virgil. And once again, there were certain character qualities that he needed to have in order to keep with the Dantean elements of the narrative.

There are themes like, could for your 'dream' person be compared to reality, how does idolization of Real/Perfection compare? *wink*

I’m too old to believe in human perfection. I’ll leave perfection to the inhabitants of the Paradiso. But I believe in grace and redemption and thus I don’t think human beings should be satisfied with their own imperfections.

During the wedding, Bella asks Ed, if Carlisle would ever remarry. He said that Esme was his Beatrice as B is his. So, how does that translate to real life? ;)

I couldn’t make a universal claim as an answer to this question except to say that some persons find their soul mates and once they’ve lost them, eschew romantic entanglements. C.S. Lewis and Sheldon Vanauken are examples of this.

Admittedly Ed, although not the perfect love on paper compared to Peter, how does his passion translate into perfection for B?

In B’s psychology, Prof. Masen is perfect for her, even though he is imperfect. From this one could infer that she’s claiming that they match well - their strengths and weaknesses balance one another, they have common interests and companionable moments, etc.

How did they fall into the Twilight universe? Because Twilight is like miles ...galaxies away from Dante?

Part of the answer to this question is autobiographical on my part - I used Twilight FF as an opportunity to try my hand at fiction writing. Part of the answer to this question is that UOEM is an adult retelling of Twilight, so that even if one ignored the Dantean elements, one would see that it is fairly canonical.

What does he thinks makes a woman beautiful, because there's Angela w/comparable beauty/knowledge -vs- Bella, a plain beauty/brain. If you think about it, Bella and Angela are both (on paper) beautiful intelligent people, one would be better suited for E's lifestyle. So, essentially why did Edward choose Bella, instead of Angela? Of course it's Twilight - we know it's going to be an E/B story. The question is how does Edward make that instinctive choice for good? Even with his history of his own Mother (not Esme)?

Edward tells Bella more than once that it is her goodness that first attracted him to her. So one could say that goodness makes one beautiful, while vice makes one unattractive. Edward’s acceptance of Esme as his mother is predicated on a similar choice - choosing charity and love over indifference.

If you look at UoEM as a whole, it's a story of men. Most of the male characters are well fleshed out while the women aren't, except for Bella. Is this a reflection on any one thing in particular?

I disagree. I think that the female characters ARE fleshed out, including Angela and Professor Picton. And even Esme, although it’s a different kind of character development. The readers must judge this for themselves. But all three women are minor characters, while most of the drama of the story surround Edward, Bella and Peter.

How does one attempt to even find the four, or was it five, types of love that Bella/Esme had? It was covered in one.

Edward attempted to explain this in reference to Bella in his lecture in Florence. For Esme, one would just have to apply the categories and see her love as manifested in her relationships to her husband, her children and Bella.

How difficult was it to wait until the 23rd chapter to write the first lemon? The ladies in this fandom love their lemons. Did you fear losing readers by making them wait so long or were you confident enough in the story that the lemon was just a cherry on top, per say?

Well, I didn’t expect people to read my story and then I didn’t expect people to like it because admittedly it’s strange. I even toyed with the idea of leaving the lemons out entirely since I’m not very good at writing them. That’s when the teasing references to lemon rind, etc. began. For a time I thought those might be the only lemons in the story.

One major theme that runs parallel in both Twilight and UoEM is the chastity/virtue aspect. What makes them both same and different?

In UOEM, Edward pursues chastity only after his experience at the crypt of St. Francis. It isn’t part of his character for most of the story, while chastity is important to Bella only insofar as she prefers love to sex.

How much of you, as a person, comes into your story because every writer brings a little of themselves into their stories and leaves them there? Do you have a background in art, literature, history or all of them?

I would say there are pieces of me in the story scattered throughout. Yes, I have a background in literature and history with only a smattering of art.

As I believe Stephenie Meyer brought a new awareness to the classics, like Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet, do you feel you enlightened the readers with the deeper aspects of the story, like the art and literature you tied into the story? Was that your goal?

I wouldn’t say that my purpose was to enlighten, but rather to illustrate by analogy certain aspects of the story through art and music.

How do you feel now that this epic story is coming to an end and what are your upcoming plans?

I’ll miss UOEM but I’m eager to move on to other projects. I haven’t decided what to start on next after my break but I think it will be a vampyre story.

Fun questions:

Peas or Carrots? Carrots. (Wait, are the peas mushy?)
Favorite dessert? Tiramisu
Favorite genre of art? Italian Renaissance
Email or letter? Letter, definitely
Guilty pleasure? If I were to tell you it would only compound my guilt
Most inspiring place you have travelled and why? Florence - the art, history, culture, the gelato

Thank you so much for doing this and for your patience and for giving such an intellectual buffet to your readers. You are truly a gift to the fandom and your story has left an impression on the readers that make them expect greatness, as they should. To give the time and energy you have to your story, without money is truly an act of love. Thank you from everyone in the fandom.

Kiva

Review/Push: Just Wait by instantkarmagirl

2010-09-17T05:58:00.000-04:00

The Story: Just Wait

The Author: InstantKarmaGirl

The Rating: M

The Status: WIP (66 chapters thus far)

The Summary: In a world saturated by vices, Bella is forced to move in with her father to avoid the repercussions of her past deeds. But after she meets the socially withdrawn adopted son of the town's doctor, will she allow herself to open up and heal?

My Review: Stephenie Meyer's version of Forks isn't all happy times, picket fences and rainbows like a Hollywood movie set. Neither is InstantKarmaGirl's. In fact, you could take Twilight's Forks, flip it upside down and search for its' seedy underbelly, and there you would find Just Wait.

Each and every character in this story has a dark and twisted history. Carlisle is a divorced father, raising three extremely damaged foster children. Esme is a widow raising her two children and they all share a very disturbing past. Tyler is a drug dealer. Angela is anorexic/bulimic. Jacob is the town pot head, caring for a drunk, abusive father. Charlie Swan is a drunk. Then there is Bella; promiscuous, drugged out and troubled more than all of them put together.

IKG weaves the thread of Bella's story through the fabric of Fork's residents' lives. Before long Bella finds there is no way to untangle herself, no matter how desperately she tries to pull loose. She has been stitched into the quilt that blankets the town. Even when she gets away, she is pulled back.

Through individual and group therapy sessions, arguments, conversations, outbursts and commiserating, you begin to learn all the secrets. The author notes before each and every chapter: This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. If you cannot tolerate or have triggers in regards to talk of abuse (in all its forms), you should not read this story. In addition to abuse, this work of fiction may contain references to underage drinking, drug use, self injury, consensual sex, coarse language, and other adult situations. The tragedies that they have lived will disturb you. They will break your heart. They will live on with you.

I highly suggest reading this story because once it is complete it will only stay on-line for one week. After that, it will be pulled and is being made into a series of books. Our hearty congratulations go out IKG!!! *throws confetti & passes out champagne* Yes, it's that good...great...incredible. Run, don't walk, to read this epic masterpiece.